McChubs
New member
I'm new here, a 35yo male in the Philadelphia area.
I don't remember ever not having SA. Just the other night I was remembering being so afraid to raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom in grade school that I would often let a bit of my bladder go throughout the day -- just enough to soak into my cords and not leave a puddle. I stopped after being called to the nurses office and having a horrifying concersation about why I smelled of urine all the time. The lesser of two evils, I thought, was to raise my hand and mutter my request to use the restroom.
I couldn't talk most of the time. Everyone worried about why I was so timid, afraid, and often mute. I would overhear conversations with my parents where people asked why they didn't get me help. They nevertook the advice.
I dropped out of school, at the end of 8th grade, never went to high school. Tried college after getting a GED and ended up dropping out because I could not bear the anxiety. It's a small miracle I ever was able to get a job , but I am also bipolar and go through periods of high energy and confidence. These are the only times I am ever able to get anything done. People actually like me when I get hypomanic. I can be social and outgoing. The only problem is that the worse ZI become, the more manic I get, the more I lose my filters and my mouth gets me in trouble --particularly at work.
I don't use the phone, never answer my door, fear going out to the store or often in public at all, I have to down klonopin if family comes over or If I am going to a family function. I have embarrassing panic attacks in meetings, and I have been know to answer questions with a series of stuttering, sputtering noises as my face flushes bright red and my sweating hands being to tremble.
It's hard. I'm hoping to get some help by reading about and talking to people who experience the same problems.
So, hello, nice to meet you all =)
I don't remember ever not having SA. Just the other night I was remembering being so afraid to raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom in grade school that I would often let a bit of my bladder go throughout the day -- just enough to soak into my cords and not leave a puddle. I stopped after being called to the nurses office and having a horrifying concersation about why I smelled of urine all the time. The lesser of two evils, I thought, was to raise my hand and mutter my request to use the restroom.
I couldn't talk most of the time. Everyone worried about why I was so timid, afraid, and often mute. I would overhear conversations with my parents where people asked why they didn't get me help. They nevertook the advice.
I dropped out of school, at the end of 8th grade, never went to high school. Tried college after getting a GED and ended up dropping out because I could not bear the anxiety. It's a small miracle I ever was able to get a job , but I am also bipolar and go through periods of high energy and confidence. These are the only times I am ever able to get anything done. People actually like me when I get hypomanic. I can be social and outgoing. The only problem is that the worse ZI become, the more manic I get, the more I lose my filters and my mouth gets me in trouble --particularly at work.
I don't use the phone, never answer my door, fear going out to the store or often in public at all, I have to down klonopin if family comes over or If I am going to a family function. I have embarrassing panic attacks in meetings, and I have been know to answer questions with a series of stuttering, sputtering noises as my face flushes bright red and my sweating hands being to tremble.
It's hard. I'm hoping to get some help by reading about and talking to people who experience the same problems.
So, hello, nice to meet you all =)
