Personal issue...Maybe you could help me?

[Iseesky]

I have two good friends. Holly and Jane. I'm very close to Jane, but don't do a lot with her because she doesn't like to leave the house (like me, she has anxiety issues and I recently learned she is depressed as well).

Holly and I went for a walk one day and I was talking about Jane for a few minutes. Basically, I expressed my concern that Jane doesn't contact us anymore and that she doesn't want to hang out like she used to. I told her that she's going to regret it one day. I said that she might have a cheap husband who doesn't like to vacation and kids at home to look after. I felt like (and still feel like) everything I said was completely innocent and shouldn't have been taken seriously. Holly said nothing.

Holly then texted everything I had said to Jane. However, she told Jane not to tell me what she said and also made up a bunch of crap. She told Jane that I said her and Holly would one day marry controlling men who wouldn't let them do anything. Holly told Jane that she stood up for her by raising her voice and telling me that not all women end up with controlling boyfriends and husbands (she used her own boyfriend as an example of that).

Luckily, Jane didn't think I'd say such things and she called to ask me. She told me exactly what Holly told her and I told her it was crap. I did tell her what I originally told Holly though and she understood. We talked for a long time and she told me the reason she hasn't been seeing us much is because she's been depressed the past few months.

We're upset at Holly, but aren't sure how to go about it. Normally, when someone causes conflict in my life like that, I just dump them and have nothing to do with them from then on. But, since Holly, Jane and I are...or were...so close, I don't think it'll be that easy. Especially since Holly loves her drama!

I don't know what to do. I want to mention something to Holly by beating around the bush (because I don't want to get Jane into trouble for telling me what she said and Jane doesn't want Holly to know she's depressed because she fears she'll tell other random people), but I don't know how to. I don't want to just do nothing, but I don't know what else to do. :|

Thanks for reading this...I appreciate it.

 

[Ritta]

I really despise people who like to cause drama and choose to talk behind your back instead of telling it to your face. If you still want to keep your friendship with Holly, I would suggest you don't tell her anything private anymore. I know it's probably going to be hard having to watch what you say, but I think that's the best way to prevent this incident from happening again.

At least one good thing did come out of all this. You found out what was wrong with Jane. After your long talk, I'm sure you'll feel more comfortable asking her directly if you are ever worried about her again

 

[Lost Girl]

Eek, I can't stand drama llama friends D:! I learned the long and hard way that I'm better off without them! If you do want to keep her as a friend, and seeing as you girls are a threesome sort of thing, I would just call her up or call her over to talk, just you and her. Explain to her that you and Jane talked to one another and have that sorted, but that Jane also told you that Holly had made what you said a whole lot worse than what was really said. Then just wait for her response to that. It could be that she felt as though you were talking behind Jane's back and felt a need to tell her, yet is also the type to slightly exaggerate when worked up? (I've done this, especially with a wine or two under my belt!) But yeah, just wait to see what her response is to it and go from there. It's best you get the whole thing cleared up sooner rather than later so it doesn't fester and get worse. Good luck .

 

[coyote]

Since you are close friends, I would call her on it - tell her that you talked to Jane and she told you what she had said. Then ask her what the deal is. Openly and honestly express your concern - just as you have with us. No accusations or judgements - just tell her how her actions made YOU feel. See if she's willing to take responsibility for her part in the relationship.

Communication is important in any relationship.

 

[Iseesky]

Thanks guys!
Helpful as always!