bushwick
Active member
I have this strange condition for many years now.. I am not mentally ill or have any disorders.. I hope... but anyway this strange condition is like your subconsiousness, for example, the people whom i see on the street or talk.. tend to intrude my head and look after every step i do, in almost all the cases they laugh at my failures, criticize me, but never say sth good when I succeed in sth. For example I had pretty much contact with a person, he unwantedly intruded my head, now he appears in my mind and laughs. It is not like i am hearing voices or seeing things... Sometimes people who were in my head years ago reappear, I remember a condition (during that period when I was housebound for years) where I had ,my double, but that person was completely different, I imagined him that my mother took him from orphange.. about 16 years old..the same age as me then... but in my thoughts I used to beat, humiliate him... and I used to say that he is not my brother.. but he was always, always the positive hero, he didnt feel the urge to hit me back, as like he had some punishment in order to live a better life.. And everything he did he succeeded..he had many friends while I had none, and sometimes when his friends new the conditions that i beat him.. they usually beat me up and humuliate in the same way i did to him (it all happened in my head)He had girls while I had none... after some years he dissappeared.. now I can feel him returning.. but now we are in partly changed roles... he has returned more stronger, now he tends to humiliate me. (It's all happening in my head) WHY? What is happening?? Is it from solitude? Any way... maybe a disorder I have I like these mind states when I feel oppressed and my mind is creating illusions that make me feel in a bad condition.... but everything has limits... I'm sick of the others (in my head), sick of unwanted intrusive thoughts-also people whom i hate... I understood, the less I communicate with people in private the less it triggers my state of mind.. So it basically means in order to get cured (?) no communication at all (?)... Any 1 similar to me with such state of mind/insanity/strangeness??
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