ok, this may sound stupid but...... .......
- Thread starter shy_girl
- Start date
Tryin
Well-known member
i also do sometimes think like there are some special rules for talking and acting and everything which everyone except me knows about.
well, "think" probably isn't the right expression because i know there are no such rules. imagine? feel? phantastise? and i think i like these weird little thoughts of mine. why not? well maybe it's crazy a little. so what? we're never gonna survive... (ahh, gotta love alanis)
so don't worry, shy_girl. strange thoughts actually can be useful. mine ones help me understand myself better. which is one of the most im[portant things. ever. so feel free to think whatever way you like.
well, "think" probably isn't the right expression because i know there are no such rules. imagine? feel? phantastise? and i think i like these weird little thoughts of mine. why not? well maybe it's crazy a little. so what? we're never gonna survive... (ahh, gotta love alanis)
so don't worry, shy_girl. strange thoughts actually can be useful. mine ones help me understand myself better. which is one of the most im[portant things. ever. so feel free to think whatever way you like.
LittleMissMuffet
Well-known member
I think that, in general, social ettiquette is 15% knowing "the rules" and 85% experience and confidence gotten from experience.
In fact, confidence probably allows people to break "the rules" to some extent.
And I think that "confidence" is knowing and really feeling that there aren't more than a few "rules" or right ways of being and doing.
(and I think that following "the rules" is fairly easy then; but that, until a person feels confident in themselves, knowing and believing that they don't have to work so hard to fit in, that they worry a more than is necessary about whether they are doing the 'right thing'.)
In fact, confidence probably allows people to break "the rules" to some extent.
And I think that "confidence" is knowing and really feeling that there aren't more than a few "rules" or right ways of being and doing.
(and I think that following "the rules" is fairly easy then; but that, until a person feels confident in themselves, knowing and believing that they don't have to work so hard to fit in, that they worry a more than is necessary about whether they are doing the 'right thing'.)
Jack-B
Well-known member
Shy_girl
"do you ever think theres a certain uniform way of talking?"
Speak from your heart being honest, open, considerate and composed.
Speaking your mind or voicing your thoughts is sometimes not easy as we have so many thoughts so its like we get used to vetting them and analysing them, wondering if its appropriate, how others will react, then we get caught up in the, 'should i speak or should i remain quiet' cycle; feeling frustrated or a bit like a pressure cooker full of thoughts just bursting to come out.
This constant pressure you feel is making it feel 'complete torture' because you have placed a high expectation on yourself. You feel you should be talking more and in a perfect way when, ironically, that obstructs real open communication. Its like your judging yourself on how you 'think' you should be behaving and when you dont live up to that, it feels unpleasant.
I have experienced this a million times and i can tell you that this may seem contradictory but you need to learn to be quiet, on your own, at peace, in your own mental space, whilst being with others. You want to be close to others, you want to talk, thats natural but your own judgement and expectation on yourself is seperating you from others. So relax a little, just be focus on being content around others without feeling the need to speak.
Jack
"do you ever think theres a certain uniform way of talking?"
Speak from your heart being honest, open, considerate and composed.
Speaking your mind or voicing your thoughts is sometimes not easy as we have so many thoughts so its like we get used to vetting them and analysing them, wondering if its appropriate, how others will react, then we get caught up in the, 'should i speak or should i remain quiet' cycle; feeling frustrated or a bit like a pressure cooker full of thoughts just bursting to come out.
This constant pressure you feel is making it feel 'complete torture' because you have placed a high expectation on yourself. You feel you should be talking more and in a perfect way when, ironically, that obstructs real open communication. Its like your judging yourself on how you 'think' you should be behaving and when you dont live up to that, it feels unpleasant.
I have experienced this a million times and i can tell you that this may seem contradictory but you need to learn to be quiet, on your own, at peace, in your own mental space, whilst being with others. You want to be close to others, you want to talk, thats natural but your own judgement and expectation on yourself is seperating you from others. So relax a little, just be focus on being content around others without feeling the need to speak.
Jack