P
pandapanda
Guest
Hi, this is my story.
I was a business woman working for an international company for years. I met my husband J in Europe five years ago when I was 39 and he was 32, we got married and I settle down in this foreign country.
J has OCD. I was ignorant and naive about the condition and didn't know what I was going into.
A bit of background about J. He is the only child. Intelligent and bright. My mother-in-law is a kind, loving but controlling person. She has type I diabetes and had a still born girl before J. J nearly died when he was born. My mother-in-law controlled every aspect of J when he was growing up. J started washing his hands when he was little because his mother always threatened him about germs. She told J how dangerous dog **** was and even now when J sees dog **** on the pavement he would cross the road to avoid getting too close to it. I think my mother-in-law has OCD and she gave it to J.
J and I both want children. Time is ticking and I quit my job to have IVF when I was 40. I was always healthy and was confident. I got pregnant in our first attempt and everyone including the clinic was excited for us. But my pregnancy was difficult mainly due to stress. J became obsessive about hygiene and he feared that he might contaminate me. We fought everyday because of my hormone and J's OCD. It turned into nightmare and I started to realise how OCD took over our life. I had a miscarriage later. All these took a big toll on my health condition and I didn't feel well enough to try for another cycle of IVF. I didn't want to give up too easily so I insisted that we should keep trying naturally. Later on we found out that he has only 1% healthy sperms (minimum is 15%) and I gave up. J asked me to promise not to tell anyone about his sperms. My in-laws and our friends all assume that we can't have children because of my age.
J and I are fighting the whole time. J is always a kind and gentle person when his condition is not affecting him. He could become angry and verbally abusive all of a sudden. I though about killing myself but I refuse to be a looser. I had therapies and I keep fighting. I push and encourage J to get better. We make small progress but I don't think I can ever have a normal life with J. I am 46 now, jobless, clinically depressed and get a new illness every year. (last year was vertigo and this year is hyperthyroidism.) I don't get much support from my family. Sometimes I resend my mother-in-law for what she has done to J. Sometimes I resend J for what he has done to me. I wonder how much more I can take. I guess my body is sending me signals that I am reaching my limits. I wonder what to do for the rest of my life. I thought of separation. J and I have come so far and I feel sad to give up now. Life is bitter and hard.
I was a business woman working for an international company for years. I met my husband J in Europe five years ago when I was 39 and he was 32, we got married and I settle down in this foreign country.
J has OCD. I was ignorant and naive about the condition and didn't know what I was going into.
A bit of background about J. He is the only child. Intelligent and bright. My mother-in-law is a kind, loving but controlling person. She has type I diabetes and had a still born girl before J. J nearly died when he was born. My mother-in-law controlled every aspect of J when he was growing up. J started washing his hands when he was little because his mother always threatened him about germs. She told J how dangerous dog **** was and even now when J sees dog **** on the pavement he would cross the road to avoid getting too close to it. I think my mother-in-law has OCD and she gave it to J.
J and I both want children. Time is ticking and I quit my job to have IVF when I was 40. I was always healthy and was confident. I got pregnant in our first attempt and everyone including the clinic was excited for us. But my pregnancy was difficult mainly due to stress. J became obsessive about hygiene and he feared that he might contaminate me. We fought everyday because of my hormone and J's OCD. It turned into nightmare and I started to realise how OCD took over our life. I had a miscarriage later. All these took a big toll on my health condition and I didn't feel well enough to try for another cycle of IVF. I didn't want to give up too easily so I insisted that we should keep trying naturally. Later on we found out that he has only 1% healthy sperms (minimum is 15%) and I gave up. J asked me to promise not to tell anyone about his sperms. My in-laws and our friends all assume that we can't have children because of my age.
J and I are fighting the whole time. J is always a kind and gentle person when his condition is not affecting him. He could become angry and verbally abusive all of a sudden. I though about killing myself but I refuse to be a looser. I had therapies and I keep fighting. I push and encourage J to get better. We make small progress but I don't think I can ever have a normal life with J. I am 46 now, jobless, clinically depressed and get a new illness every year. (last year was vertigo and this year is hyperthyroidism.) I don't get much support from my family. Sometimes I resend my mother-in-law for what she has done to J. Sometimes I resend J for what he has done to me. I wonder how much more I can take. I guess my body is sending me signals that I am reaching my limits. I wonder what to do for the rest of my life. I thought of separation. J and I have come so far and I feel sad to give up now. Life is bitter and hard.