OCD and control of others, where to draw the line?

[Jenns]

My fiance has OCD regarding germs and certain foods. He became upset with me for eating a food he is phobic of, even though he was not present. He said if I loved him I would know to stay away from that food. I told him I do indeed love him but what he was asking was not healthy for either of us.

Is it a question of the sufferer trying to control their environment (including people)? Was it wrong of me to refuse to be told what to do when he is not around? (I have agreed not have certain items in the house when we are married, but I am firm on no restrictions when he's not around).

He's taking Prozac for some symptoms. I am not his therapist and don't want to be. I just want to do the right thing. Would couples therapy be of benefit? Anyone have a similar story and insight?

He's a good, kind man who's come a long way despite this illness.

 

[de-vin]

Think of it this way, to him he is afraid of that cetain food. So for example if he was eating dog meat, wouldn't you be upset and tell him to stop...its sort of where hes coming from. I think you are in the right by disagreeing with his wanting you to stop eating it. But you must explain to him that his fear isn't based in your reality. And yes a couple therapist wouldn't be a bad idea I think. Really it wouldn't be for any couple if you think of it...hope this gives some insight...

-Devin-

 

[Windy74]

My husband never goes along with my fantasies or obsessions about all the different things I obsess over (and follow through with various compulsions). I respect him for that and don't expect him to entertain my obsessions as reality. I appreciate that he is honest with me and it actually helps to bring me back. I know what I do and think is not real, but I can get lost in it. It aggravates me and sometimes makes me angry when he points out to me what I am doing; but it really does help. I know I am doing it, I know it is unrealistic and not based on fact - but fantasy, yet I seem to do it anyway. If he went along with it, it would only make it easier for me to stay in my fantasy world. I want nothing more than to stay out of this fear based obsessive/compulsive world. So I love and appreciate his grounding me every once in a while. He does let me go on my own to an extent; but won't let me get to the point of hurting anyone (including myself). He knows I know and doesn't point it out just to be a smarty-pants. But when I start to attempt to bring him or our kids into my fantasies, he puts an end to it regardless of how I feel about it. I respect that.

Anyway, your fiance needs help (I hope he is getting it) to live a fuller, happier life. He may never be able to get rid of the obsession/compulsion, but he should be able to manage it... choose whether or not to act on his fantasy once he realizes it is not real. And therefore, not push his obsessions off onto you. Couples therapy will help you to understand what is truly going on with him and how you can best help. My husband and I are not in couples therapy, but he is very supportive and very willing to go if I ever ask him to. He is very involved by asking how all of my sessions go and listening very well. He used to get angry with me, but I think he is beginning to understand how complex and unsettling my problem is. I know I have run on, but the only way you are going to be able to help him is if he is effectively helping himself and you are then supporting that. I have been through numerous therapists and have finally found one that I love and is truly helping me (significantly). Ask him, or even you, read the book "Taming Your Gremlins."

Hope you can glean something useful from all of my rambling.