Hi all,
I have a situation that really is stupid, and I hate even writing about it.
A little background, I am 47 years old, legally blind, suffer from shyness (actually I think I may have avoidant personality disorder) and a hormone problem as well. I live at home with my mom. My sister and brother and their kids (nephew 18, niece 15) live in the upstairs half of our two family house. Circumatances (nability do drive, poor public transportation) made it nearly impossible to live on my own, though I did consider it at one point. My dad had a stroke in 2000, so i was glad to still be at home to help my mom take care of him (he passed away in 2005). From as early as I can remember (1st grade) I was always the kid in school tha the others made fun of, and it was pretty constant until high school when it mostly tapered off (thugh there were still incidents here and there, mostly in 10th grade). As a result, I never had much self confidence. Also, my aforementioned hormone problem has left me with a very passive personality. I have friends, but not really "hang out after work" friends.
My brother in law and I get along, but he is very indifferent. He really makes no effort to have any kind of friendship, but he usually is polite. I defer to him on a lot of things as he has experienced a lot more than I have. Lately, though (over the past couple of weeks), ther is an issue.
When I go outside (we all sit in the yard after work, my sister and borther in law have the yard really nice - like a mini resort), my brother in law says something to my niece (before I get to the sitting area) and she is loking at me, laughing, as I walk over. Now, this has happened on a few occassions lately. I'm not sure what he is saying to her, but from past experiences, it reminds me of days in scholl when I was laughed at for vaious things. Now, I am overweight, my niece always has a remark about overwieght people that she sees, so I'm guessing that my brother in law is making a wieght related remark to get a lguh out of her. I asked her last time what she is laughing at, and she said "daddy." I asked her (privately) what he said, but she said she didn't remember.
Also, this one is minor, but since the tijmeing coincides with the above, it is a bit irksome. i have a golden retriver that is stubborn as the day is long. He doesn't listen well to me, but he listens to my borhter in law 9who has a much sterner voice than I do. The past few days, when we are ourside and Brody does something he shouldn't be doing, I call him, and my brother in law imitates me. NOw, usually, I woulod just laugh it off, but since he is apparently saying something unkind of my niece about me, this kind of aggravates me as well.
Lastly, one thing that we all (including my sister and brother in law) joke about is this: When my sister was a teenager, she swore that she was going to live far away from everyone. She did move out in the (to the next town) with her boyfriend at the time (back in '86 or so). They broke up, she married my brother in law, and in 1993 after my nephew was born, they asked my parents about turning our house into a two family house, which we did. So the joke is that my sister, who wanted to live far, far away, lives thirteen steps way (upstairs). My niece says the same thing now - that she wants to live far away. She said this again on Saturday, and I said "yeah, just like your mother, 13 steps away," and my brother in law (who was walking torwarsds the house) said "at least she left, Al." Referring, of course, that i never moved out as well, though my cirumstances really prevented it. Now, if the "13 steps away" joke has become a sensitive subject, I can understand that, so maybe I'll keep my mouth shut about that. But my brohter in law clearly knows that my still living at home is not the same as a full sighted 47 year old man.
Now, my brother in law and I don’t have as close a relationship as some brothers in law, and that’s okay, it is what it is, but I like and respect him, and I thought he liked and respected me as well (though, as mentioned, he is on the cold side). . But the past couple of weeks, I’m really, it seems like he has been putting me down. If it is just kidding around, I can accept most of it, except for him whispering whatever it is he is shispering to my niece. Now, she and I do openly tease each other sometimes, so if he is saying someehting like "there's your favorite uncle," that's fine. But if it is cracks about my wieght or somrthing, that is crossing the line, as is remarks about my still living at home as.
Now, I admit that i am overly sensitive, and I don;t want to blow things out of proportion. I also don't want a good relationship with my sister and her family. Part of me just wants to keep my mouth shut, the summer is half over, they go away in a couple of week, I go away next in loate Augues and then in early September. We don't see eahcohter too much in the fall once the weahter gets bad anyway, so part of my is thinking just to ignore it.
On the ohter hand, I put up with all kinds of crap in school, and as a grown man, I shouldn;t have to put up with crap now - espeically in my own back yad. I though of telling my concernes to my sister in a very gnetly manner iwthout making her defensive and all, but I'm afraid it can just make things worse. It's one of those damned if I do, damned if i don't things.
Any advice/suggestions will be appreciated.
Thanks,
Al
I have a situation that really is stupid, and I hate even writing about it.
A little background, I am 47 years old, legally blind, suffer from shyness (actually I think I may have avoidant personality disorder) and a hormone problem as well. I live at home with my mom. My sister and brother and their kids (nephew 18, niece 15) live in the upstairs half of our two family house. Circumatances (nability do drive, poor public transportation) made it nearly impossible to live on my own, though I did consider it at one point. My dad had a stroke in 2000, so i was glad to still be at home to help my mom take care of him (he passed away in 2005). From as early as I can remember (1st grade) I was always the kid in school tha the others made fun of, and it was pretty constant until high school when it mostly tapered off (thugh there were still incidents here and there, mostly in 10th grade). As a result, I never had much self confidence. Also, my aforementioned hormone problem has left me with a very passive personality. I have friends, but not really "hang out after work" friends.
My brother in law and I get along, but he is very indifferent. He really makes no effort to have any kind of friendship, but he usually is polite. I defer to him on a lot of things as he has experienced a lot more than I have. Lately, though (over the past couple of weeks), ther is an issue.
When I go outside (we all sit in the yard after work, my sister and borther in law have the yard really nice - like a mini resort), my brother in law says something to my niece (before I get to the sitting area) and she is loking at me, laughing, as I walk over. Now, this has happened on a few occassions lately. I'm not sure what he is saying to her, but from past experiences, it reminds me of days in scholl when I was laughed at for vaious things. Now, I am overweight, my niece always has a remark about overwieght people that she sees, so I'm guessing that my brother in law is making a wieght related remark to get a lguh out of her. I asked her last time what she is laughing at, and she said "daddy." I asked her (privately) what he said, but she said she didn't remember.
Also, this one is minor, but since the tijmeing coincides with the above, it is a bit irksome. i have a golden retriver that is stubborn as the day is long. He doesn't listen well to me, but he listens to my borhter in law 9who has a much sterner voice than I do. The past few days, when we are ourside and Brody does something he shouldn't be doing, I call him, and my brother in law imitates me. NOw, usually, I woulod just laugh it off, but since he is apparently saying something unkind of my niece about me, this kind of aggravates me as well.
Lastly, one thing that we all (including my sister and brother in law) joke about is this: When my sister was a teenager, she swore that she was going to live far away from everyone. She did move out in the (to the next town) with her boyfriend at the time (back in '86 or so). They broke up, she married my brother in law, and in 1993 after my nephew was born, they asked my parents about turning our house into a two family house, which we did. So the joke is that my sister, who wanted to live far, far away, lives thirteen steps way (upstairs). My niece says the same thing now - that she wants to live far away. She said this again on Saturday, and I said "yeah, just like your mother, 13 steps away," and my brother in law (who was walking torwarsds the house) said "at least she left, Al." Referring, of course, that i never moved out as well, though my cirumstances really prevented it. Now, if the "13 steps away" joke has become a sensitive subject, I can understand that, so maybe I'll keep my mouth shut about that. But my brohter in law clearly knows that my still living at home is not the same as a full sighted 47 year old man.
Now, my brother in law and I don’t have as close a relationship as some brothers in law, and that’s okay, it is what it is, but I like and respect him, and I thought he liked and respected me as well (though, as mentioned, he is on the cold side). . But the past couple of weeks, I’m really, it seems like he has been putting me down. If it is just kidding around, I can accept most of it, except for him whispering whatever it is he is shispering to my niece. Now, she and I do openly tease each other sometimes, so if he is saying someehting like "there's your favorite uncle," that's fine. But if it is cracks about my wieght or somrthing, that is crossing the line, as is remarks about my still living at home as.
Now, I admit that i am overly sensitive, and I don;t want to blow things out of proportion. I also don't want a good relationship with my sister and her family. Part of me just wants to keep my mouth shut, the summer is half over, they go away in a couple of week, I go away next in loate Augues and then in early September. We don't see eahcohter too much in the fall once the weahter gets bad anyway, so part of my is thinking just to ignore it.
On the ohter hand, I put up with all kinds of crap in school, and as a grown man, I shouldn;t have to put up with crap now - espeically in my own back yad. I though of telling my concernes to my sister in a very gnetly manner iwthout making her defensive and all, but I'm afraid it can just make things worse. It's one of those damned if I do, damned if i don't things.
Any advice/suggestions will be appreciated.
Thanks,
Al
