charlieHungerford
Well-known member
I have come to the point where I believe I no longer care what people think of me. In the past I have been so self conscious, but now self consciousness is over, I do not care what people think.
For starters, self consciousness, its completely irrelevant. I mean what does it achieve? Nothing, just makes one anxious and shy and makes it impossible to perform as your natural self as you are overcome with worries and self awareness.
Being worried about what people think of you and worrying about your 'perceived flaws' does not change what people think or your 'perceived flaws' so what does it achieve?
When we believe we are being judged we need to take a step into reality. When do we ever judge people? When you are in shops do you notice people and judge them? When you are in queues do you judge them? When you are driving in your car and see someone walking past do you judge them? When you see someone on tv are you judging them? When you are in a presentation and someone is speaking or if someone is introducing themselves are you judging them? Well, I can only speak for myself any the people I have asked and the answer is no. People may be looking but people have to look to be polite and that is where the attention is, but people are simply looking attentively. Don't need to be worried about people looking at you, its nothing to fear. You are no more under the spotlight than anyone else, other people do not fear this because there is nothing to fear!
We all have flaws, no one is perfect. If you are worried about people judging you negatively based on a perceived flaw or something you feel is not good enough, the reality is that people do not even spot it or think anything of it. I mean just look around at people, we all have flaws, do you ever judge people negatively? People are unique, everyone looks differently and have alsorts of different personalities. If people went around judging each person negatively for a flaw then they will think negatively about almost everyone in the world.
Think about people who have imperfections in their personality or appearance or how they speak that you know, do you accept them? I accept everyone unless they are so rude in nature. People that you see who have something that they may not be happy with - i.e. their weight, their height, spots, bald, their nose, their ears, their teeth, wear glasses, their voice/accent, a speech impediment, their confidence, their intelligence, their personality - believing they are not interesting or fun, etc - think of anyone that fits any of these - do you judge them by their flaw? No way, you see them for the whole package, you notice everything. As long as you are a nice person people will not be critical of you.
Remember that we all have flaws, other people don't want people to be nasty about themselves (if they have any sort of feelings and are worth thinking about) so won't be critical of you.
Let people think what they want to think. When has what someone is thinking of someone else ever harmed anyone. One person's thoughts does not make it a fact, its their opinion which they are entitled to, just like we are allowed an opinion on everyone else.
If they are a critical person well that is fine, its a flaw in them that they cannot see people have feelings, we are all just human, but do not allow anyone like that to have any sort of impact on how we see ourselves. Afterall, with a billion or so people on earth, its just natural that a small % of people will be critical and horrible about us, but understand that they are horrible and see the worst in people, what they are thinking is not a true and fair reflection on who we are. Its just pointing out the negatives. What about the positives? Well they aren't going to consider them because they are horrible. But forget them, they are irrelevant to us.
If you have been bullied or ridiculed like I have during my time in school, remember that what they said and did is irrelevant and needs to be forgotten about. Kids are immature and ridiculed anyone for anything - even if they wore a brace in their mouth, if they wore glasses, so of course they would ridicule you for anything in your personality or appearance or way you sound that is noticable. But learn to forgive and forget, those people were immature just like I was and they would have grown up now and not think like that anymore. I know I was not the only person in my school who was ridiculed, it wasn't because there was things wrong with me and its catchphrase where people say what they see, it was people who picked out anything that they could be hurtful and put you down in order to upset you, make themselves look tough and to show off. That is why people said these things.
Insults don't hurt. People ridiculed me over my nose saying I had a big nose. I was so insecure about my nose, but now I think so what! My nose is a bit bigger than ideal, but I am starting to laugh it off, if anyone thinks I am not good enough because my nose is a few mm's bigger than ideal then oh my god, they need to give their head a shake. I mean we all have imperfections. But so what if my nose is big, I have seen women who have big noses and I can like them just as much as a girl who doesn't have a big nose - if they have a personality I like. Its the same with any flaw, flaws are part of human nature. I have had women like me before and had relationships with some women I really thought were way too good looking for me, but that was just my stupid negative beliefs brought about by years of put downs. Just got to be yourself! I like to think that the sort of people I like - people with good personality, would not be so shallow to judge someone negatively for a small flaw.
What people are thinking does not hurt anyone. You who are reading this, lets pretend I am thinking the most negative stuff you would hate me to be thinking of you - well I am thinking it, does it really make a difference that I am thinking it? (I am not really thinking it but point is it doesn't matter).
Think of a task you are anxious about, maybe a phone call, maybe public speaking, maybe entering an office and having to ask someone for something, maybe its meeting a new person and interacting with them for a few mins. If you think about others doing that same thing - maybe at work or where ever - if they are making a phone call is anyone bothered are interested? No! Public speaking - well tv presenters of lecturers or other people at college having to do a presentation, are people critical of them and looking negative? No! When you see people meeting new people when its not you, are people thinking critically or are the two people thinking critically about one another? No. You got to realise that there is no fear here, if the worst happens and someone thinks bad of you, well so what? What impact does that have on your life? Don't even worry about it. Just allow yourself to be yourself.
Speaking - something I have been so self conscious about because I had a speech impediment as a kid and got ridiculed up until the age of 18 when I left for university. Speaking is nothing, its so natural that no one and I mean no one is critical and judges people negatively. Ok, kids were cruel in making me feel like a freak, but put it into perspective - its a sound, big deal. Let them laugh at something like that, they have a small mind if they find that funny, but people can think how they wish, I am glad I was comedy value to them.
Whenever you are speaking to people either on the phone, one to one, in small groups or in public speaking, everyone is in the same boat and people do not look critically, like I said at the start people are only looking attentively. To them you are just another brick in the wall, just like everyone else is to us.
Think of all the people who do like you or have been interested in you. What is to say that people don't think like that are will like you and think positive things of you rather than negatives? You cannot discount the positives and focus on the negatives. If you are going to consider the negatives you have to consider the positives! You can't please everyone, some people will be critical of us and not like us, but the majority of people will think positive/neutral things of us. Use these chances of interaction to show how fantastic you are!
Accept yourself, make the most of yourself so that you are proud to be the person you are and have self esteem, you do not have to be perfect, no one is perfect, but remember what anyone else thinks, let them think it, it does not matter (just like what we think of people does not matter) but what is important is that we allow ourselves to be ourselves, nobody else matters!
For starters, self consciousness, its completely irrelevant. I mean what does it achieve? Nothing, just makes one anxious and shy and makes it impossible to perform as your natural self as you are overcome with worries and self awareness.
Being worried about what people think of you and worrying about your 'perceived flaws' does not change what people think or your 'perceived flaws' so what does it achieve?
When we believe we are being judged we need to take a step into reality. When do we ever judge people? When you are in shops do you notice people and judge them? When you are in queues do you judge them? When you are driving in your car and see someone walking past do you judge them? When you see someone on tv are you judging them? When you are in a presentation and someone is speaking or if someone is introducing themselves are you judging them? Well, I can only speak for myself any the people I have asked and the answer is no. People may be looking but people have to look to be polite and that is where the attention is, but people are simply looking attentively. Don't need to be worried about people looking at you, its nothing to fear. You are no more under the spotlight than anyone else, other people do not fear this because there is nothing to fear!
We all have flaws, no one is perfect. If you are worried about people judging you negatively based on a perceived flaw or something you feel is not good enough, the reality is that people do not even spot it or think anything of it. I mean just look around at people, we all have flaws, do you ever judge people negatively? People are unique, everyone looks differently and have alsorts of different personalities. If people went around judging each person negatively for a flaw then they will think negatively about almost everyone in the world.
Think about people who have imperfections in their personality or appearance or how they speak that you know, do you accept them? I accept everyone unless they are so rude in nature. People that you see who have something that they may not be happy with - i.e. their weight, their height, spots, bald, their nose, their ears, their teeth, wear glasses, their voice/accent, a speech impediment, their confidence, their intelligence, their personality - believing they are not interesting or fun, etc - think of anyone that fits any of these - do you judge them by their flaw? No way, you see them for the whole package, you notice everything. As long as you are a nice person people will not be critical of you.
Remember that we all have flaws, other people don't want people to be nasty about themselves (if they have any sort of feelings and are worth thinking about) so won't be critical of you.
Let people think what they want to think. When has what someone is thinking of someone else ever harmed anyone. One person's thoughts does not make it a fact, its their opinion which they are entitled to, just like we are allowed an opinion on everyone else.
If they are a critical person well that is fine, its a flaw in them that they cannot see people have feelings, we are all just human, but do not allow anyone like that to have any sort of impact on how we see ourselves. Afterall, with a billion or so people on earth, its just natural that a small % of people will be critical and horrible about us, but understand that they are horrible and see the worst in people, what they are thinking is not a true and fair reflection on who we are. Its just pointing out the negatives. What about the positives? Well they aren't going to consider them because they are horrible. But forget them, they are irrelevant to us.
If you have been bullied or ridiculed like I have during my time in school, remember that what they said and did is irrelevant and needs to be forgotten about. Kids are immature and ridiculed anyone for anything - even if they wore a brace in their mouth, if they wore glasses, so of course they would ridicule you for anything in your personality or appearance or way you sound that is noticable. But learn to forgive and forget, those people were immature just like I was and they would have grown up now and not think like that anymore. I know I was not the only person in my school who was ridiculed, it wasn't because there was things wrong with me and its catchphrase where people say what they see, it was people who picked out anything that they could be hurtful and put you down in order to upset you, make themselves look tough and to show off. That is why people said these things.
Insults don't hurt. People ridiculed me over my nose saying I had a big nose. I was so insecure about my nose, but now I think so what! My nose is a bit bigger than ideal, but I am starting to laugh it off, if anyone thinks I am not good enough because my nose is a few mm's bigger than ideal then oh my god, they need to give their head a shake. I mean we all have imperfections. But so what if my nose is big, I have seen women who have big noses and I can like them just as much as a girl who doesn't have a big nose - if they have a personality I like. Its the same with any flaw, flaws are part of human nature. I have had women like me before and had relationships with some women I really thought were way too good looking for me, but that was just my stupid negative beliefs brought about by years of put downs. Just got to be yourself! I like to think that the sort of people I like - people with good personality, would not be so shallow to judge someone negatively for a small flaw.
What people are thinking does not hurt anyone. You who are reading this, lets pretend I am thinking the most negative stuff you would hate me to be thinking of you - well I am thinking it, does it really make a difference that I am thinking it? (I am not really thinking it but point is it doesn't matter).
Think of a task you are anxious about, maybe a phone call, maybe public speaking, maybe entering an office and having to ask someone for something, maybe its meeting a new person and interacting with them for a few mins. If you think about others doing that same thing - maybe at work or where ever - if they are making a phone call is anyone bothered are interested? No! Public speaking - well tv presenters of lecturers or other people at college having to do a presentation, are people critical of them and looking negative? No! When you see people meeting new people when its not you, are people thinking critically or are the two people thinking critically about one another? No. You got to realise that there is no fear here, if the worst happens and someone thinks bad of you, well so what? What impact does that have on your life? Don't even worry about it. Just allow yourself to be yourself.
Speaking - something I have been so self conscious about because I had a speech impediment as a kid and got ridiculed up until the age of 18 when I left for university. Speaking is nothing, its so natural that no one and I mean no one is critical and judges people negatively. Ok, kids were cruel in making me feel like a freak, but put it into perspective - its a sound, big deal. Let them laugh at something like that, they have a small mind if they find that funny, but people can think how they wish, I am glad I was comedy value to them.
Whenever you are speaking to people either on the phone, one to one, in small groups or in public speaking, everyone is in the same boat and people do not look critically, like I said at the start people are only looking attentively. To them you are just another brick in the wall, just like everyone else is to us.
Think of all the people who do like you or have been interested in you. What is to say that people don't think like that are will like you and think positive things of you rather than negatives? You cannot discount the positives and focus on the negatives. If you are going to consider the negatives you have to consider the positives! You can't please everyone, some people will be critical of us and not like us, but the majority of people will think positive/neutral things of us. Use these chances of interaction to show how fantastic you are!
Accept yourself, make the most of yourself so that you are proud to be the person you are and have self esteem, you do not have to be perfect, no one is perfect, but remember what anyone else thinks, let them think it, it does not matter (just like what we think of people does not matter) but what is important is that we allow ourselves to be ourselves, nobody else matters!
