no motivation

[cloudy]

Hi, I'm new here. This looks to be a great site to share with people who actually understand. This might be a long post, as I have a fair bit to let out, so I hope that some of you will be willing to read and maybe reply. I'd really appreciate it.

I am an 18 yr old and my social phobia really surfaced last year, although I have always been very quiet and introverted. Since I started university this year, I have found the social interacting extremely difficult. The first week or so I really forced myself to speak to a few people, and I am thankful because I have been able to tell them about the social phobia, and they are really supportive about it, even though they don't understand what I'm going through. However, the tutorials and lectures were a real struggle, and emotionally draining! I couldn't speak up, and I was so caught up in my thoughts that I constantly tuned out of discussion. I felt so stupid and inadequate.

I made it through first semester, and at the moment trying to study for exams. However, I can't shake these feelings of intense regret that I should have made more friends, or that I should have taken the many opportunities that were on offer to speak up. I'm in a christian small group also, and the same feelings apply there. The people are so nice, that it feels so wrong to be just sitting there saying nothing at all. I'm stuck in this aweful paradoxical situation, where I long for social contact and really enjoy the presence of the people in my course, while at the same time I feel so socially below them that I can't bear to be there. If that makes any sense at all. I'm hoping it does with you guys.

So I've been stuck at home for the last couple of weeks, in stuvac, trying to study for these exams. However, with these intense thoughts overloading in my mind, how is it possible to concentrate or take in anything? I also have these intense episodes of daydreaming ideal social situations, of me being confident. I even enact these thoughts, it's so stupid. It feels impossible to stop. I have talked to my mum and councellor about it, and they tell me to just take small steps, and counter these thoughts with positive ones. But they don't understand how hard that is. I may be able to do that for one day, but it is so draining that I can't bother to keep it up. I am very underprepared for the exams. My mum understands I am not motivated, but I feel I am letting her down by not studying. I'm just going to lie to her by saying the study is going OK, because if i don't then she will want to talk about it for ages, and I am convinced that I just can't fully explain what this is like. I am an only child and am only living with her, she does so much for me. However I just can't bring myself to get a roll on. One thing in my favour is that, somehow, I managed to get good marks in my assessments during the semester, so I don't need very high marks to pass the overall subjects. But still, I feel trapped and inhibited. I think to myself that I am just lazy, but my mind is like a superhighway of thoughts.

Well, that's all for now. If you're still reading then thanks, I just needed to get it all out. Do any of you suffer in a similar way? What do you think I should do with this whole study thing? It's tearing me up.

 

[iamantisocial]

same here... but here's how I snapped out of it. (Um... at least 75% of my original SP. I still have some left)

Tell yourself this: "I have nothing to lose. I dont give a fuck. Just go there and talk. Repeat. I have nothing to lose. Go. Just go." That worked for me...


As for motivation... Cannot really tell you about that... I dont have one myself. I just live life... and just say fuck it I dont give a fuck. Yeah I quit college too cuz I got fed up maybe cuz of my SP issues and Depression... When I get better, maybe I might go back...

Good luck.

 

[thequietone]

Do you guys live on campus? Because that seems completely impossible for me. I tried and stayed in a dorm for about...three days. If you are managing college life and have made it this far, good job!
Anyways, I know what it feels like to lack motivation, but usually the fear of failure does it for me and I end up buckling down in the end. :? What really interferes with my work though, is a lack of concentration when I'm feeling down. Maybe that's what you're experienceing? Anyway, you should give yourself a pat on the back for hanging in there. It's ten times as hard for people like us to keep at it.

 

[cloudy]

Well do give myself pats on the back and try to tell myself that I've come this far just do your best and see what happens, etc. but it's such an effort, and my mind wanders after like 5 mins..and i try really hard to bring myself back but it keeps happening. So at the end of the day little work done with a lot of energy lost. It definately is a lack of concentration, because I have a million thoughts going on in my head, there's no room for anything else.

Like this morning, when I got up, I told myself I would just go for it hard. But 15 mins later, I'm thinking that there's no point. It's too late, better off making a fresh start next semester. I go from one extreme to the other all the time, there's no in between. I want to finish this course, but I'm thinking with sp it's just gonna get harder and harder. Very confusing. My life is a series of 'I do but I dont''s

 

[triceratops]

Hi, I'm new here. This looks to be a great site to share with people who actually understand. This might be a long post, as I have a fair bit to let out, so I hope that some of you will be willing to read and maybe reply. I'd really appreciate it.

I am an 18 yr old and my social phobia really surfaced last year, although I have always been very quiet and introverted. Since I started university this year, I have found the social interacting extremely difficult. The first week or so I really forced myself to speak to a few people, and I am thankful because I have been able to tell them about the social phobia, and they are really supportive about it, even though they don't understand what I'm going through. However, the tutorials and lectures were a real struggle, and emotionally draining! I couldn't speak up, and I was so caught up in my thoughts that I constantly tuned out of discussion. I felt so stupid and inadequate.

I made it through first semester, and at the moment trying to study for exams. However, I can't shake these feelings of intense regret that I should have made more friends, or that I should have taken the many opportunities that were on offer to speak up. I'm in a christian small group also, and the same feelings apply there. The people are so nice, that it feels so wrong to be just sitting there saying nothing at all. I'm stuck in this aweful paradoxical situation, where I long for social contact and really enjoy the presence of the people in my course, while at the same time I feel so socially below them that I can't bear to be there. If that makes any sense at all. I'm hoping it does with you guys.

So I've been stuck at home for the last couple of weeks, in stuvac, trying to study for these exams. However, with these intense thoughts overloading in my mind, how is it possible to concentrate or take in anything? I also have these intense episodes of daydreaming ideal social situations, of me being confident. I even enact these thoughts, it's so stupid. It feels impossible to stop. I have talked to my mum and councellor about it, and they tell me to just take small steps, and counter these thoughts with positive ones. But they don't understand how hard that is. I may be able to do that for one day, but it is so draining that I can't bother to keep it up. I am very underprepared for the exams. My mum understands I am not motivated, but I feel I am letting her down by not studying. I'm just going to lie to her by saying the study is going OK, because if i don't then she will want to talk about it for ages, and I am convinced that I just can't fully explain what this is like. I am an only child and am only living with her, she does so much for me. However I just can't bring myself to get a roll on. One thing in my favour is that, somehow, I managed to get good marks in my assessments during the semester, so I don't need very high marks to pass the overall subjects. But still, I feel trapped and inhibited. I think to myself that I am just lazy, but my mind is like a superhighway of thoughts.

Well, that's all for now. If you're still reading then thanks, I just needed to get it all out. Do any of you suffer in a similar way? What do you think I should do with this whole study thing? It's tearing me up.

Hey, I can relate to some of the stuff you said. I was in a sort of similar situation when I started uni. When I was in high school and college I never really had any problems making friends and a lot of the time id make friends though other people so it was a lot easier. When I got to uni my sp was starting to get worse,i didn't know anyone so I was pretty initimidated but I thougth id just make friends as time when on. I started missing lessons as my social phobia got the better of me, I hardly went to any lessons so i didnt really get to know anyone whereas most people tend to make friends quickly in the first week or so.

Id go in class and everyone would aready know each other and id be on my own so it made me feel pretty shit not knowing anyone. I just started turning up less and less and whenever I did turn up id get really paranoid that everyone was thinking ..hey its that guy who never turns up and doesnt speak to anyone. At one point I had a presentation to do and I didnt turn up which I think just made my group pissed off with me becuase they probaly lost marks. I really regretted not making friends.

Like the bit u mentioned I also long for social contact in my classes in the past when I had friends in my classes it just made things so much easier. It made things unbearable at uni, I just felt embrassed that after a few months I still didnt know anyone and while everyone was chatting and having a laugh id sit there on my own not saying a word. Id never been in that situation before in high school i always one of the popular ones so it just made me feel like shit all the time. I guess a lot of people who have sp are used to being seen as the quiet ones so they just accept it but I hated it and wanted to be seen how I used to be seen by people.

I dropped out in feb and have just been pissed off myself ever since, if id dropped out because I couldnt handle the work then it would be ok but I basically dropped out because I felt below people socially. Ive decided to give it another shot i september and hopefully stick it out this time and not mess it up like I did last time. I know your story is a bit different to mine but u reminded me of what problems I had at uni with making friends and how it has an effect on you.