No miracles

[thequietone]

I am struggling with a life lesson I would rather not learn. Ever since my problems began as a kid, I have held onto hope that one day all of this crap will go away for good. All of this anxiety, obsessions, shyness, depression. One day I will "grow out of it". One day I will try a treatment and it will be a miracle from God or something and I will be cured! These are the kinds of delusions I had.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to get better. You HAVE to want it. And my life is not always a struggle, though I forget it sometimes.
So anyway, this year and last year--a difficult transition period--I have been working my ass off trying to beat this thing. I'm in therapy, I read self help books, I listened to tapes and more recently, with my new therapist I tried some weird alternative crap like hypnosis, energy balancing and reiki, which I was not comfortable with but attempted anyway. Trying these weird techniques really didn't help me. I ignored what I felt in my mission to try EVERYTHING. So right now I think I was kind of traumatized by reiki, it just made me feel really weird and sick afterward and now I'm worse than before the reiki, I'm anxious, can't sleep, have no appetite, the whole thing. And I CHOSE TO PAY FOR THIS TREATMENT. :x
I feel lost, I don't know what to believe about anything.
I guess my point is, that I have learned something important in the most painful way. I have learned that this illness is a part of me and I may just have to deal with it. I may have to work hard instead of relying on miracle cures.
:roll: I don't know what the point of this post is, probably just to make me feel better. If anyone out there can relate to what I've said or just wants to add something I'd really appreciate it.

 

[ignisfatuus]

In my teens, I used to think SA (or the symptoms of SA, as I didn't know what it was at the time) would eventually fade away. The bottom fell out when I hit twenty and I've tried various meds and attended numerous CBT sessions, all to no avail.

The first thing we have to realise is that SA is treatable, the research is there. The disappointing part is that the application of that research is woefully behind, leading us to try all this different pseudo scientific crap like you mentioned. Therapists cannot continue to lump SA with the other anxiety disorders in their approach to it. It is different. Sadly, until broader recognition of this sorely neglected condition appears as a priority on the agenda of mental health care deliverers, many will continue to suffer in silence.

 

[tommydog]

I have learned that this illness is a part of me and I may just have to deal with it. I may have to work hard instead of relying on miracle cures.

Yes its part of you, but not indefinetly, you can get rid of it. In the meantime, you live with it.

A few days ago, when i was looking through the personal photo's thread, i came across one picture in particular that kind of inspired me ... anyway, i realise now that the way to do it is to "own" your social phobia, have pride that that is part of your personality, for now, and live life.

In all reality, its nothing to be ashamed of. If you take away to shame, the hiding, the fear, there isnt going to be a lot left to encourage your phobia, thats what i realised anyow.

i read somewere else recently, on this site that one guy found a way to totally beat it, in 3 months. I believe it,

 

[Screwdriver1020]

fdsafweafsdfasdfasd

 

[thequietone]

Thank you thank you thank you for responding!

In all reality, its nothing to be ashamed of. If you take away to shame, the hiding, the fear, there isnt going to be a lot left to encourage your phobia, thats what i realised anyow.

Intellectually, I know this, it makes sense. Of course it's nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately I have this "perfection" thing along with it. Geez, all I want is to be a perfect human being is that too much to ask? :lol:

The first thing we have to realise is that SA is treatable, the research is there. The disappointing part is that the application of that research is woefully behind, leading us to try all this different pseudo scientific crap like you mentioned.

I know. I can't believe I got sucked into this, but alas, I am still young and naiive, and mental health professionals have a great deal of power in a patients life. I am coming to terms with my dumb decision and inability to say no because my therapist should have realized I am not a candidate for all that psuedo crap. ( she actually did feel really bad and let me come see her free of charge).

I haven't taken therapy or anything yet but if I do I hope it works.

I don't want to discount therapy, screwdriver. Things were going well up until this point. I stopped cutting I was feeling more positive, less suicidal...there were many points where I enjoyed life this year and alot of it is thanks to the advice of my therapist. It really can help.

 

[Tryin]

some life lessons are painful but learning means growing. do not give up, thequietone. *encouraging smile*.

and you are right, there are no miracles. theraphy and meds or reiki can help, maybe, but YOU are the one who has to deal with your demons. and nothing, noone can do it for you. so stop feeling sorry, stop feeling ashamed, just take it as it is and work hard on it. just learn.

 

[Jack-B]

thequietone

You wrote, "this illness is part of me"

You raise an important point.

Although we all deal with anxiety, which is a state of mind which functions to make us unpeaceful and uncontrolled, we ourself are not the "illness".

Our mind in its natural state is peaceful and calm. These negative states only float like dirt on the surface of our ocean like mind when in fact deeper below is pure and calm. We need to remember this everytime we feel 'bad' or depressed and so on. We are only identifying with the temporary muck of our mind.

Using this anology every time we think of ourself we see dirt, pollution negativity. This is not us, we are only scratching the surface. We all know we are good at heart do we not?

When these negative state of mind arises more and more, we identify with them so closely that it becomes a frequent part of our life. We find it hard to think about ourself without thinking about anxiety.

So in summary, although the "illness" is part of us and we are responsible with dealing with it, it is not really us. In the same way the clouds are part of the sky but are not the sky itself.

In this way we can detach from it, watch it, without identifying so closely with it and then we will 'see' ourself a lot more clearly. What lies deep within our own mind? peacefulness and calm - closer to who we really are.

Jack

 

[pinkputter]

hey I am very sorry you had to learn the hard way... but im sure you had a benefit you may not see till later in life from it!! you never know!....

BUT i was just not as "gungho" about treatment....I was more ashamed than you. So i guess I realized i was the only who could help me.

And this is important so let me repeat it:

YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON THAT CAN HELP YOU!!!

I saw on this very forum to read "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett....that has changed me. Thats how i knew a therapist would just tell me things I would have to find out anyway. Which therapists ARE helpful....its good to go to them to feel support and to know you have that option. But they can't be everywhere with you. They can't tell your brain not to have negative thoughts. It really is up to us. And this can be scary... and it is at first. But the moment you realize you can be your own support system is the best gift you can give.

Just focus on enjoying things and being in the moment. I would really recommend that book i mentioned!!!

 

[sabbath92001]

For me ACT has been as close to a miracle cure as I've found.

From http://www.actmindfully.com.au

Embracing Your Demons:
an Overview of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is one of the recent mindfulness-based behaviour therapies shown to be effective with a diverse range of clinical conditions. In contrast to the assumption of ‘healthy normality’ of Western psychology, ACT assumes that the psychological processes of a normal human mind are often destructive and create psychological suffering. Symptom reduction is not a goal of ACT, based on the view that ongoing attempts to get rid of ‘symptoms’ can create clinical disorders in the first place. RUSSELL HARRIS provides an overview of ACT against a background of the suffering generated by experiential avoidance and emotional control. A case study illustrates the six core principles of developing psychological flexibility; defusion, acceptance, contact with the present moment, the observing self, values,
and committed action.

 

[savage_beagle]

it all begins in your mind, good and bad.

I dont believe in miracles. I believe you get what you want from life by setting in motion your ideas , thoughts and beliefs. ALL man made objects were created by an individual having a thought and carrying the thru with that thought, good or bad. Mankind has made everything that we see in this world, from evil thoughts (concentration camps,weapons) to good (hospitals, theme parks, etc)...it all started as a thought in a person's mind and with motivation..the thought was put into action and reality. Now, if your mind is always filled with negative thoughts, you will bring those negative thoughts to reality. If in your very heart and soul you believe you are unworthy, a failure,that bad luck always comes to you, unsuccessful and so on.....no matter how much therapy and self help books you read or ''miracle'' pills you pop, if deep down inside you have negative core beliefs about yourself, you will never break free from a tormented mind. Those few people in this world who seem truly happy and confident probably learned early in life that nobody is born perfect or without faults, including themselves. They most likely dont think inferior thoughts and constantly beat themselves up mentally over every little thing they say or do. Many of heard the saying '' calm your mind'', but do we really know the meaning or attempt to calm it? With most of us, our mind is always yakking away and its talking a lot of bullshit. We need to filter out and silence the bullshit and constantly fill our mind with kindler, gentler, positive sights, sounds and experiences.

 

[random]

TheQuietOne,
I am now 46 and when I read posts on this site I realize that some of my SA went away through life's experiences. The first time I had to sit in business meetings I was so scared that my whole body hurt and I was concious of every breath and in constant fear of someone turning to me and saying "What do you think?" I did not try to overcome this - I never thought I would. But the repetitive experience of going to those horrible meetings means ----- I still have SA but I can fake my way through a meeting without a problem (usually.) In fact, I can lead meetings. But it wasn't my effort there - it was constant fear and exposure that desensitized me. It was also knowing or realizing that such meetings have 'rules' and that if I follow the unwritten social rules I can escape mistreatment. I wish my home when I was young had such rules - at home there was no escape and no rules to follow.
Some things that I really did try to fight (fear of social events like parties, dating) actually got worse because every time I tried to face it - I remembered all the times I hadn't. This is sometimes called 'fear of fear.'
Now I didn't try to go to a therapist until I was 44 years old and believe me, I really couldn't see how anyone could help me if I have been fighting this all my life (including prayer) etc. Some of my relatives have been hard core recluses and NOW I know why. I have said out loud "I think it is genetic and my relatives never got over it....." and one counselor always said I would and that I was SO CLOSE to getting over it (I hated that). WHen he said I could get over it I would say "Ah yes - always just out of reach!" angrily because I hated hearing 'you'll get better' when I did not believe it.
But - I am being helped. My quality of life is improving. Although, I am still quite afraid that the 'getting better' will stop before I can 'face' going to a Christmas party. I don't have any relatives or family of my own so I feel a real need to learn how to socialize in groups.
But sometimes 'getting better' means getting worse first. The first round of counseling triggered GAD which I had never had before and I was thinking "THIS IS NOT HELPING!". But the General Anxiety Disorder that was jeapardizing my job forced me to dig, dig, dig for answers and, with prayer and a therapist, I found some old pain that I had denied and now had to sort through and experience. So now I had GAD and deep emotional pain. But when the dust cleared about a year later - I had much more peace of mind and 'learned' how to sleep at night. I got some peice of my life back - and quietly I gained a little more strength to help with my SA.
But my counselor wanted me to ASK A MAN OUT ON A DATE which was like asking me to climb the glass sided walls of an office building bare handed. I thought "Well he says I am ready for this but I am not so....this is far as I can heal." I was crushed to give up trying to fight SA...crushed to accept such isolation the rest of my life - and I quit counseling and said to myself "At least I tried"
But perhaps because of my prayers, things got WORSE and it was time for me to fight again. I began having panic attacks - this was new and I was very resentful because I had already gone through counseling and 'learned how to sleep' and gained some peace of mind (not alot but 'some' is nice) so WHY NOW? I had 'had it out' with God telling HIM how I REALLY FELT about how life was and He and I worked that out and then I was happy again.
SO WHY HAVE PANIC ATTACKS NOW??? I went on medication and went to another counselor and I have dug up even more false negative beliefs, more pain...it's been a painful year... a VERY PAINFUL year. And I have just had a breakthough a week ago. No - I am not cured but this breakthrough is causing me to rethink everything and I am finding sleep without any medication at all. As my belief about the past has changed, my identity or who I believe I am is changing and it is very confusing and tiring. So much of the negative things I believe about life and myself have been invisible to me because they have been there all my life and I just don't notice them anymore.
I think it is a process. I can really relate to how defeated you sounded in your first post. I have felt that way and may 'go there' again and again. But I have been wrong every time I said "This is it....this is how I have to live...this is who I am." I have walked out of counseling sessions and quite counseling and medication several times. My spiritual faith nudges me back or some calamity or crisis shoves me back into the ring to fight again.
It's worth fighting. I have said to my current counselor "It's genetic in my family - why I am even trying? They never got over it!" and she has said "What if it is genetic? What does that mean? (sometimes I hate it when they ask questions like THAT ). But what she means is - I have a problem that I feel is genetic. Do I decided to do nothing or do I decide to learn how to deal with it? Whether that means cure or not, who knows, but I am gaining more personal strength, my quality of life is better, and in very quiet ways, my SA has less power over me. Achievements like speaking up when I normally would stay silent or standing up to remove my cape near the front of a crowded concert hall (last week) happen very quietly and I don't notice them much because I am not having the old fear.
I apologize for the long post but what you said was so important that I wanted to provide detailed response. There is hope - lots of it. Sometimes I just can't bear to look at it.