newbie

[fetalmind]

Hi, I'm new here, I'm from South Africa. I am a very very shy person and have almost zero confidence and no social skills at all, in fact I avoid any social events and in fact do not like them. The problem is I have never been in a relationship and I am very lonely most of the time. There is a guy who is interested in me and I'm interested in him, we've known each other for 3 years but were never friends, just knew each other. Now he wants to go out with me and the thought of it terrified the hell out of me. I've made one excuse after another not to go out with him but he's been very patient and says he'll continue being patient until I'm ready.
I hate that I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of exposing myself to him, all my flaws, my shortcomings, my social problems, etc, cause he's a friendly and social guy.
Please tell me what to do. I really like him but I feel like I would be dragging him down with me.

 

[millymoocow]

hey fetalmind, welcome to SPW!

does he know that you are socially awkward, anxious etc? because i'm thinking that if he wants to go out with you he must obviously like you for who you are :roll: you should tell him all of your feelings, thoughts, issues and how you really are. if he truly loves you, and he's worthwhile, he'll understand and continue to be patient with you even when you two are a couple. if he rejects you, remember, there are much better people out there that'll understand you and take it slowly with you. 8)

he sounds like a great guy though. my advice is to go for it!

good luck! :wink:

 

[socialshyness]

Something common between all shy people is that they tend to handicap themselves by having these kind of negative thoughts of what will happen to them, and how they will be embarrassed when they are out with other people. Which, in fact, might not happen at all. These thoughts become an excuse for not attending any social events.

From his patience, it's obvious that he knows your shy, and will overlook any acts of nervousness you may have.

There's only one way out of shyness, is to step out of your "little shy world" and experience what you are missing out on, THE FUN. Yes, you might be nervous and all, but who isn't? even talkative people are shy sometimes when they are in the company of a person they admire/respect. Believe me when I tell you the you already have the key to unlock your shyness problem. Just go out and have fun, you'll realize that it's all been your imagination limiting you.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I agree with some of what the previous replys said. Our preception of reality gets completely distorted. I think its one of the maladaptive thoughts called catasropic thinking.

It is frequently recomended to do exposure therapy by going into what you fear but if you dont know what you are doing or are not mentaly prepared it will turn into a diasater.

If you are afraid of snakes going into the bush and picking up a cobra might not be the best method.
Crossing the street can be dangerous if you dont know what you are doing.

In my oponion and its just mine. I think we need to get the right tools first before we do the exposure therapy.