Pro
Member
Hi all,
I've suffered from SA for quite some time but haven't actually attempted to contact people in the same situation as me before. I've just started the day badly (called in to work sick - just my phobia of course) and as usual when this happens I feel terribly guilty right afterwards, so I've been looking for the solace of people who can relate to this!
I can remember I'd always been a shy kid (I'm 29 now btw) but I think I can identify social phobic reactions starting about 6 years back when I had a very bad depression resulting from working in a job that really was too tough for me, breaking up with my long term girlfriend and also living away from home for the first time ever - all at the same time.
Since then I've had 3 jobs, but I've also been off work for approx 3 years of that time due to depression and more recently simply my phobia.
Where I work now it is shift work and every 5 weeks I could expect to be working the night shift for a week. Back in April last year we moved from our large open plan office to a small room and since then I've been having terrible problems. Since I work on an IT helpdesk I need to be on the phone a lot of the time and in the small room I just know people are listening to me on the phone, and since I know they are listening I turn into a total idiot and can't even talk about things I know I know about. Let alone think about how to solve something I don't. I usually make a complete pig's ear of the call and end up feeling like a school kid that's just had to stand in front of the whole school on stage and perform a speech. There's that and I can't walk across the room to write things on the whiteboard we have. I can;t get up to make coffee and usually I don't even leave my desk for lunch. I just don't have any. All this because I am sh*t scared of any attention on me.
I managed a few weeks of this then I unfortunately called in sick for the next couple of weeks with stupid excuses, before finally owning up and presenting my boss with a note from my doc stating I needed the time off due to social anxiety. Fortunately my boss suggested I work on the night shift as it's very quiet overnight and there's only one other person in the office. This has been great and I'd been doing the night shift until 4 weeks ago when I returned to days thinking I was "all fine now".
This hasn't been the case. I feel now like I did before and I've been taking the odd day off. I start a new contract in 2 weeks in the same company I am working for now, but on a different desk that will require a lot less telephone work and more technical work. I've got some beta blockers from my doc to help me through but despite this I've called in sick today after a huge bout of fear this morning. I don't want to risk losing my new contract but once my brain has decided I can't do it, I find I can't fight it and I just think of more and more reasons not to go to work.
I am lucky. My girlfriend has agoraphobia and she understands so much of what I go through. She used to be house-bound but she's made so much progress. I wish I could do that and when I'm at home or around people I know I feel like I can do it - but when I reach a situation that causes my fear I can't see any way around the brick wall
Hopefully I can pick up some advice from you all. I'm signed up for CBT and currently have beta blockers available (Atenolol).
Anyways. It's nice to know I'm amongst people that feel the same way that I do!
I've suffered from SA for quite some time but haven't actually attempted to contact people in the same situation as me before. I've just started the day badly (called in to work sick - just my phobia of course) and as usual when this happens I feel terribly guilty right afterwards, so I've been looking for the solace of people who can relate to this!
I can remember I'd always been a shy kid (I'm 29 now btw) but I think I can identify social phobic reactions starting about 6 years back when I had a very bad depression resulting from working in a job that really was too tough for me, breaking up with my long term girlfriend and also living away from home for the first time ever - all at the same time.
Since then I've had 3 jobs, but I've also been off work for approx 3 years of that time due to depression and more recently simply my phobia.
Where I work now it is shift work and every 5 weeks I could expect to be working the night shift for a week. Back in April last year we moved from our large open plan office to a small room and since then I've been having terrible problems. Since I work on an IT helpdesk I need to be on the phone a lot of the time and in the small room I just know people are listening to me on the phone, and since I know they are listening I turn into a total idiot and can't even talk about things I know I know about. Let alone think about how to solve something I don't. I usually make a complete pig's ear of the call and end up feeling like a school kid that's just had to stand in front of the whole school on stage and perform a speech. There's that and I can't walk across the room to write things on the whiteboard we have. I can;t get up to make coffee and usually I don't even leave my desk for lunch. I just don't have any. All this because I am sh*t scared of any attention on me.
I managed a few weeks of this then I unfortunately called in sick for the next couple of weeks with stupid excuses, before finally owning up and presenting my boss with a note from my doc stating I needed the time off due to social anxiety. Fortunately my boss suggested I work on the night shift as it's very quiet overnight and there's only one other person in the office. This has been great and I'd been doing the night shift until 4 weeks ago when I returned to days thinking I was "all fine now".
This hasn't been the case.
I feel now like I did before and I've been taking the odd day off. I start a new contract in 2 weeks in the same company I am working for now, but on a different desk that will require a lot less telephone work and more technical work. I've got some beta blockers from my doc to help me through but despite this I've called in sick today after a huge bout of fear this morning. I don't want to risk losing my new contract but once my brain has decided I can't do it, I find I can't fight it and I just think of more and more reasons not to go to work.I am lucky. My girlfriend has agoraphobia and she understands so much of what I go through. She used to be house-bound but she's made so much progress. I wish I could do that and when I'm at home or around people I know I feel like I can do it - but when I reach a situation that causes my fear I can't see any way around the brick wall
Hopefully I can pick up some advice from you all. I'm signed up for CBT and currently have beta blockers available (Atenolol).
Anyways. It's nice to know I'm amongst people that feel the same way that I do!
