New here...

[Liberty]

Hi, I'm new here. I have social phobia, I've had it for approximately 1.5 years. I never knew something like this existed and I feel like a crazy person. I have very low self-esteem (I know cliche), self-confidence, self-worth and I hate myself. I believe this is due to some unfortunate coincidences and also my mother who I'm convinced is probably a demon of some sort because she is inhuman and did not love me even though I tried to be perfect for her (probably where my self-esteem was crushed from failing to live up to these expectations).

Most other people also think that I'm crazy and are afraid of me. This bothers me but the more I try to be normal the more crazy I appear. Plus sometimes I get dizzy too. Being so disconnected from the rest of humanity is kind of strange but I feel like that is where I belong. I'm very misunderstood, and other people don't like me to be as disconnected as I am but I don't know what to do about it. I've seen therapists and they treat me as if there is nothing wrong with me. I'm not sure if they really believe that or if they think that is how I need to be treated in order to recover.

I wasn't exactly a "normal" person pre-SP but now it's ridiculous. I can't even semi-function at work and that just is not alright. I was banking on CBT being the answer but it appears that many here live with SP and have tried CBT with little success. I don't want to take any drugs.

 

[Phobologist]

Hi, I'm new here. I have social phobia, I've had it for approximately 1.5 years. I never knew something like this existed and I feel like a crazy person. I have very low self-esteem (I know cliche), self-confidence, self-worth and I hate myself. I believe this is due to some unfortunate coincidences and also my mother who I'm convinced is probably a demon of some sort because she is inhuman and did not love me even though I tried to be perfect for her (probably where my self-esteem was crushed from failing to live up to these expectations).

Most other people also think that I'm crazy and are afraid of me. This bothers me but the more I try to be normal the more crazy I appear. Plus sometimes I get dizzy too. Being so disconnected from the rest of humanity is kind of strange but I feel like that is where I belong. I'm very misunderstood, and other people don't like me to be as disconnected as I am but I don't know what to do about it. I've seen therapists and they treat me as if there is nothing wrong with me. I'm not sure if they really believe that or if they think that is how I need to be treated in order to recover.

I wasn't exactly a "normal" person pre-SP but now it's ridiculous. I can't even semi-function at work and that just is not alright. I was banking on CBT being the answer but it appears that many here live with SP and have tried CBT with little success. I don't want to take any drugs.

Hey liberty and welcome!

First of all, I understand where you are coming from and it's very hard. Here is my advice to you:

1. Do take drugs. Don't be rediculous. You are mentally ill and need help. 1.5 years will turn into 20 years easily. If you don't believe its possible just google social anxiety disorder and see for yourself all the people that's happened to. It wont go away evre without propper treatment.

2. CBT will work for you most likely if you have a good therapist. Look at some of my posts on CBT.

3. You need to get down to the root of your SA. See my posts on figuiring out what your sa is about. Pm me if you want any additional advice or to talk about anything.

 

[Liberty]

Hey liberty and welcome!

First of all, I understand where you are coming from and it's very hard. Here is my advice to you:

1. Do take drugs. Don't be rediculous. You are mentally ill and need help. 1.5 years will turn into 20 years easily. If you don't believe its possible just google social anxiety disorder and see for yourself all the people that's happened to. It wont go away evre without propper treatment.

2. CBT will work for you most likely if you have a good therapist. Look at some of my posts on CBT.

3. You need to get down to the root of your SA. See my posts on figuiring out what your sa is about. Pm me if you want any additional advice or to talk about anything.

Thanks for the encouraging response. I won't take any drugs because I don't want my mind manipulated into being "normal" by chemicals. I won't do it that way. I know why I have come to the point I am at and it has nothing to do with chemical imbalances or physical/biological irregularities but experiences, traumatizing experiences with two people. My mother and another woman.

My mother for destroying my self-worth in an attempt to use me to fill her unmet emotional needs and another woman, a co-worker, for judging me. My toxic relationship with my mother caused me to require the approval of women and to have zero self-worth to rely on. And having this 2nd woman judge me in an extremely negative way over a period of 8 months or so propelled me into this hell of social phobia. I don't need drugs to numb my mind so I can fit in.

I much prefer the CBT route and I've had some success so far and I've made progress but not nearly enough.

 

[Phobologist]

Thanks for the encouraging response. I won't take any drugs because I don't want my mind manipulated into being "normal" by chemicals. I won't do it that way. I know why I have come to the point I am at and it has nothing to do with chemical imbalances or physical/biological irregularities but experiences, traumatizing experiences with two people. My mother and another woman.

My mother for destroying my self-worth in an attempt to use me to fill her unmet emotional needs and another woman, a co-worker, for judging me. My toxic relationship with my mother caused me to require the approval of women and to have zero self-worth to rely on. And having this 2nd woman judge me in an extremely negative way over a period of 8 months or so propelled me into this hell of social phobia. I don't need drugs to numb my mind so I can fit in.

I much prefer the CBT route and I've had some success so far and I've made progress but not nearly enough.

Wow well I am so sorry to hear that.It sounds like youve been traumatized pretty badly. I hope you change your mind about drugs, but I understand that it's your choice. I wish you the best of luck and will see you in the forums.

 

[releaseme]

Liberty...are you in a position where you can leave home?
sometimes, regardless of they are your parent or not, its better not to be around them, as all they do is tear you down even further. that would be the first step you could take...and i totally agree with you about the chemical issue. not everyone will benefit from them and it sounds like you have your thoughts together enough that, just getting away from the others involved would be a tremendous step toward healing.