new here....missing out on life

[ali123]

Hey, i am new to this site, and am just posting an intro type thing. i just posted on the blushing one too
Just quickly, I am 24, and have low confidence and am so shy it cripples me in some situations. I get invited places but i back out at the last minute because I would rather stay home where nobody is going to make me blush or I'm going to make a fool of myself. When I am drunk, I am incredibly social, talk to anyone, make small talk with strangers (usually men if I'm honest! I'm a terrible flirt when i have a drink) am fun, lively and chatty. When i'm sober, I'm more or less the exact opposite. I don't have a problem talking to men, I have a boyfriend of 2.5 years, and I don't havea problem talking to them on a friendly scale either. I think I'm more wary of talking to women because women judge each other so harshly. I don't drink very often now, and have never used it outside of a social situation anyway, just felt like i may be making it sound like i rely on drink so wanted to clear that one up lol.
I am sick of missing out on things. Sick of feeling like a failure cos I didn't go out when someone asked. Sick of blushing all the time at nothing at all most of the time. I'm fed up with the voice inside who tells me I'm not as important as other people. I know in my head that nobody is better than me, and like when I say something that people disagree with instead of thinking oh I bet they all hate me now, I try and be rational and tell myself that when someone else says something I dont agree with I dont hate them, or even think anything other than I don't agree before moving on, so nobody else is going to think any differently of me....the same as when I say somethign silly, trip over in front of people, can't park my car when people are watching and all the other things I get embarassed about and feel useless about. I'm working on it........but I have only been working on it for about a week, and I have 24 years worth to get over. Hmm I guess I'm just rambling on now, just wanted to tr and explain how I feel and my shyness, hopefully someone else knows how I feel!
Thanks for reading

 

[jbeenthere]

sounds like you might have a bit more than just shyness. it could be SA that just manifests itself with other women. have you ever thought of joining a women's group that meets regularly? i'm pretty sure you'd find your fear of being judged maybe is not warranted as you think. most SA people are more worried about the opposite sex which makes it hard to date and relationships but not having women friends could be just as bad as it is an important part of womanhood (so i've heard). good luck with it - it seems that you have the ability to correct your thoughts when you see them as a bit irrational so that is a major plus.

 

[ali123]

I don't think I do have SA, i do miss out on a lot of things because I feel like I will mess up or do something stupid. Also, I feel so comfortable at home, I don't want to come out of my comfort zone. I feel like I may turn into a hermit soon sometimes. I go to work every day, and I can hold a conversation......I think SA affects people much more than how I feel, but when i read through typical SA symptoms :
Meeting new people yes
Being the center of attention yes
Being watched while doing something yes
Making small talk YES!! i always say I dont get the point of it cos I think, why would anyone want to listen to me going on about anything!
Public speaking HELL YES!!!
Performing on stage Same as above
Being teased or criticized definitely, I cannot take being teased or criticised, I get very defensive
Talking with “important” people or authority figures absolutely 100% like me this one
Being called on in class I left school ages ago but I used to dread being called on
Going on a date actually not so much this one
Making phone calls yes, usually at work if i need to call someone I will just send an email instead as i'm in front of people. if I have nobody around to hear, I am perfectly c0onfident making phone calls
Using public bathrooms ummm........my bladder gets stage fright sometimes but only if its people I know in there, if its strangers then no
Taking exams not really no
Eating or drinking in public used to be a huge issue but i'm getting over it now
Speaking up in a meeting depends who is in the meeting, meeting with my team at work I'll speak up, with anyone else i keep quiet
Attending parties or other social gatherings hit and miss

Ok, that was a long reply, but you get the idea. But again, Aren't these all typical shy signs? How do you know the difference?

oh, and jbeenthere, I am definitely interested in doing this, I want a nice social life but i just don't have anyone t have one with!!!! Thing is I cannot find anything free and money is tight, but I'm def looking into it. Thanks

 

[jbeenthere]

"how to tell if its just shyness or SA?". I think it might be if you spend all your free time thinking about it and if it causes you increased discomfort because you feel you must fix it in order to save your self image (if that makes sense). I guess the term would be - does it disrupt your daily functioning or enjoyment of life. some people are very shy but accept it as part of who they are and don't let it bother them. I on the other hand knew that something had shifted in my brain and knew it was not normal to be consumed with and debilitated by the thoughts and ruminations.