Need help

[killerbean]

Life is so empty and hollow. Nothing will ever change. I can feel myself slowing losing what little sanity I have left and knowing full well that I can not stop it. The sounds of people talking, getting along, being “normal humans” cut at me. And all I can think about while they talk is how I can hurt them. Its sick but I can't help myself. I try so hard to fit in, to talk. To meet people and to make friends, but trying to talk I struggle and most of the time incoherent sounds or words leave my mouth. I'm always at a loss for words.

With that said you could probably guess I have an even harder time dealing with girls. That part of my life gives me the most amount of pain. Whenever I think about it my insides hollow and empty until I feel like there is a vacuum inside of me, growing deeper and without end. Too much of this thought always ends in crying and I continue to hate myself more. It's an endless spiral into nothingness. Why can I not just die, go to sleep and not wake up. Nobody, absolutely nobody knows how I feel, well until now. But this is as anonymous as it gets right? Sometimes I think I hide it too well, but I don't want to cry for help. It's nobody else's problem. Only mine.

I guess I'm hoping ranting like this will help. Lets see if I feel any better tomorrow.

 

[scatmantom]

Hey I know how u feel in terms of not fitting in. I think when u say u want to hurt people its like u want them to understand how u feel or you wish that you could be like them.

This is the wrong way to deal with your anxiety. It sounds to me like ur a volcano ready to explode and I think you should talk to some1 u trust about the way u feel. If you dont have any people u can talk to or trust enough then see your doctor and talk to him about it.

Hope that helps

 

[Layla]

i agree, you should talk to someone, like a councellor or someone you trust. bottling up those feelings is really bad for you, and even just talking will help alieviate the burden you carry around.

good luck,
and you can always post here when you need to talk!

 

[Alexp]

I know all too well what you mean killerbean. I've felt that incredible pain and frustration of not fitting in or being utterly alone. I want to scream, I want to hit someone, but most of all I want to sit in the darkest corner of the world and never leave.

It may be trite to say it..but dont give up...if talking to someone helps, than please do it..I know in my past, though, I didnt quite work for me cause I was already so isolated from the world.

Heres some quick advice from someone whos been there a million times...take it as you will...

Stop beating yourself up after every encouter with a girl...you reinforce the anxiety even more for next time. Try to smile and realize you arnt perfect..its okay to make social mistakes..the more you do that, the more it becomes easier to be in a social setting.

Just hold on and get by day to day..age has a numbing effect..the older you get..the more emotionally numb you feel..which can be a good thing for this kind of problem.

Alex

 

[aguppylife]

Find hobbies that don't need other humans for participation. It helps to a degree. I'm isolated from everyone. Now one gets me, and I'm tired of trying anyways. Normal? screw normal. I'm past that now. Maybe you'll find somebody to talk to out there, but maybe you won't. I haven't. I shout to the sky, but only hear echoes.