Need help..

[xMetal]

I'm new to this site so sorry if I do anything wrong...

Well I'm 15 and I'm going into 10th grade this September. I realized that I started having symptoms of SAD around 7th grade.

In 6th grade(first year of middleschool), when we started having different teachers for different subjects, the class would stay together basically and move to the same teachers. So all I had to do was make 1 friend or so (like I usually did throughout my life) and stick with them and meet new people.

But in 7th grade, the students were spread throughout the school in different classes. It was hard to make friends because in every other class there were new people and I wasn't comfortable talking to them. It seemed like in every class I had, at least every person was partnered up with a friend they knew except for me. I always felt like I was being judged as the loser who sat with no friends. If the teacher gave us any free time, I usually spent the whole time writing a big note to one of the few friends I did have, just to take my mind off of the other kids who might be judging me.I always hated when the teacher would give us free time because then my palms would get all sweaty and cold and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.I sometimes even had my cellphone just so I could call home to get out of the class. Eight grade was the same basically.

In 9th grade (my first year of highschool) I had my mom change my schedule so I had 1 of my friends in every class. Luckily I rarely had any anxiety attacks throughout the year except for when I had to do speeches in English. The same symptoms happened before the speeches. Cold,sweaty palms, hard/fast beating heart and nasuea(sp?). Also, when I had to do a speech, it would be such a big worry throughout the whole week until the actual speech. And usually for any kind of social event that made me uncomfortable that year, I faked being sick. My absent count was up to around 15.

Now it's the summer and I am nervous as hell about next year. I can't stop thinking about how my schedule will be. It's hard to get to sleep sometimes. I'm going to try and and do the same thing I did last year by rearranging my schedule so I'll have a friend in every class. My mom says that just limits me making friends with other people, but that's just it. I can't make friends with other people. I just don't know why, besides the fact that I'm scared and might(most likely) have SAD. Currently I only have 2 friends. I have only seen 1 friend once during the whole month..

I always look at my sister, and she is very pretty and skinny. I'm not fat, but I wouldn't go around wearing the tight shirts like she does. My sister always seems to be the more liked person out of both of us. She's better looking, has more friends, and doesn't have symptoms of SAD for the most part. It pains me to see her go out with her boyfriend because I know she has a person who actually loves her. I feel that I will never have someone love me like that, save for my family. I once had a boyfriend but he treated me like crap. He'd ask others out while we were going out and he called me an ugly bitch once. We had broken up and gone back out together multiple times because he was the only person I could really talk to. I guess that is why I clung to him and took him back. Recently we had broken up again, but at least he is less of an ass then he used to be. He is a good friend but not a good boyfriend. I just don't have anyone to hug or talk to where I can really let out my feelings. My sister has that, and it's just not fair that I can't have someone love me because I'm too scared to talk to anyone and might have SAD.

I have tried talking to my mom about my problem before but she just laughed it off saying I probably do have SAD with the way I worry about speeches. Don't get me wrong, She's not a horrible mom at all, she probably just didn't realize how serious this problem is and how it's affecting my life and I'm too scared to really tell her because I'm scared of getting help.

That's why I've come to these forums. I want to talk with other people who have my problem. I'm way too scared to go get help and talk to a stranger about the problem. Can someone tell me how they've dealt with their problem? And how they managed to get help?

 

[IrishMarty]

In a way I can relate to your story. As I was in a similar situation throughout university and in the end I dropped out. But I had another chance at 3rd level education a few years later and i was determined not to let the same thing happened.

Started of knowing no one and kept to myself for about 3 months but I was dying to be friends with fellow class mates. Only way I was able to speak to others was that of being put into groups with other students, it was a nightmare but it was of great help as I was never ever gonna put myself in a position with other students and I was put into a situation of not my choosing.

It was at this time I was able to make small talk and eventually through the people I met within the group I got to meet others through them. Basically taking small steps and soon you get to build confidence. There other things such as doing things you love and being able to have something in common with a fellow student, helps to build a friendship.

On another note with your mum, I had an issue in how I could approach her and explain what am going through. I was 21 and since when do you have conversations on your private life with your parents. The only thing I could do, was write a letter, in a letter you have a chance to say what you feel, be able to say what you want. It was greatest thing I did.

Finally the situation on your sister, I have a younger sister who I adore to bits. Very pretty as my friends keep telling me. I have one thing to say is do not feel any resentment or try to compare your life with hers. Seriously it will lead to further problems, you and your sister are two different people who will lead different lives. Greatest thing you can do is lead your own life, do the things that you love to do. Never feel you have to be like her or be better than her and finally do not think you have to cling onto someone due to certain circumstances, as that can lead to being taking advantage off or treated badly.

I wish I could give you better advice. Not really good at this, just wanted to say a few things on your situation.

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Thank you for sharing that xmetal. Your story sounded a lot like what I've gone/am going through. I've just graduated high school, but all of that is still fresh in my mind, and I'm very nervous about the future.

A lot of what you said was the same for me. I went through Elementary School without a problem, and then all of a sudden I was in Middle School swtiching classes with all of these people I had never met. In Middle School I made it through with only a couple of friends around, my closest friends went to other schools.

High School was harder, only because I cared more and expected more from myself. I didn't want to be considered quiet anymore. But it was all the same. I made a lot more friends, and most of the time there was someone around that I knew. Still, it was hard, especially in the beginning. I remember, the absolute fear when our teacher would tell us "OK, everyone get a partner." I was so afraid that I would end up absolutely alone and everyone would see.

The beginning of each school year was so hard, especially walking into each class room not knowing who would be in there. Having to choose a seat with people I wasn't friends with at all. Most of the time, it was all Ok though. I would compare with my few friends what classes we had together, and I would go into the ones they weren't in trembling.

Your talking about notes is familiar too. If I was in a class where I didn't really have any good friends, I would write looongg notes to my few friends, or I would read ones from my friends over and over again. Free time was hard too. Especially when the teacher would give us time to work on something. Everyone would move their desks together and talk, except for me. Well, actually I was more afraid that I would be left alone than I actually was alone. Usually I had a few people to stick around with.

What you say about your sister is also familiar, even though I don't have one. In my case it's my cousin. She's my age, she went to my school. She was a really good friend of mine, but would sometimes leave me alone if I couldn't speak up. She'd make friends where I couldn't. She is also a LOT thinner than I am. I'm not close to fat at all, but I've always compared myself to her from when I was younger, so I know what that feels like. Anyway, she's not obnoxiously loud, but she wasn't socially anxious either. Also, I would say you're lucky you've even had a boyfriend. I've never had a real boyfriend. Actually, the closest friend I've had, the only boy who told me he'd date me, turned out to be in love with my cousin. I know what it's like not having anyone to talk to about being shy to.

So I relate to a lot that you say, but I don't have a lot of advice or anything. I hate to hear that you are worrying, because I remember that worry. I went into my sophomore year with really only one real close friend at school. I can tell you that in my case, high school eventually became more comfortable. I made a lot more friends even in my sophomore year. Even speeches and presentations become easier. In freshman year I remember being stuck in front of a classroom unable to say a single world. I my senior year, I was writing down words to say minutes before going before the room. Preparation is the best way to deal with presentations though, it really adds to your confidence, because you've done it all before.

Don't worry about rescheduling your classes with your friends. Having a good friend around will probably raise your confidence with the other people you'll come across. Friends are friends to support you. I remember one horrible decision that I made, where I decided to go ahead with a class even though I knew no one in it. It was the level of science I wanted to take. The class ended up having only 8 people in it, and they already thought me quiet, and nothing. I sat there silently, and when there was 'free time', they all sat around talking with me in the middle unable to join in.

But to counter that- in two other classes I went into alone, I ended up becoming friends with some of my best friends ever. There's still nothing wrong with having a friend around, though.

I'll tell you also what everyone else has been telling me. If you think you might need help you should probably try to get some.

I am nervous now, nothing in my job is going well because of my SA. I still have to deal with it every day. I'm also going to college soon-and I'm nervous about making friends there, and being alone. I am also going to have to start all over with another job and all new people there. A different city. So-there are the same problems everywhere. I'm very uncertain. I don't exactly know what my parents would say, but I am going to try to talk to my doctor in a few days about what I might do to get help. Everyone is telling me to get help if my anxiety really is a problem, so I guess you should too.

Good luck with whatever you do. High school is very difficult with SA, but just try to keep going like you are. Keep wanting to have friends. I've known other kids with SA who wouldn't even try to smile when other people spoke to them. Try not to worry too much, because you'll probably be OK.

 

[xMetal]

Wow, I am so glad you guys posted.

Irish-

I feel the same way about groups too. If I am actually PUT into a group, not by my choice, then I can usually talk to the others in my group because they probably aren't best friends or won't think of me as a bother. I feel less imposing when I am put with others since they know it was not my choice.

And I'll consider that letter idea too. Heck, I might just make her read this thread in the forum since I've practically typed out my whole problem here. She can even read the replies and see how serious this problem is for others. It would be a lot easier that way. Thanks so much for the suggestion ^^

And I know everything you are saying about my feelings towards my sister are true but it's just so hard not to think that way. Kids at school would make fun of me or just say they didn't like me,without getting to know or talk to me at all (I've heard some insults behind my back-wish I hadn't..) And sometimes random kids would come up to me just to tell me my sister was hot. That kind of really lowered my self esteem, which didn't need any more lowering x.x I know that I shouldn't be comparing myself to her but it's just so hard not too when it feels like the whole world is

Thank you so much for the advice Irish. It really helps to know others willing to take time and help, are out there =)





Punky- I can so relate to the "cared more and expected more from myself" part. I hate being known as the quiet person also, but I can't help speaking up. I feel as though I'll say something stupid.

I can't believe you mentioned something about when teachers tell you to pick your partners. I forgot to write about that in my post. I get so fearful when they say that. I usually had no friends in class so I start getting the SAD symptoms. I was also so scared about being alone and everyone else seeing. If I figured out what days we would be having partners, I usually skipped class..

And I agree with the beginning of the school years. For the classes I had without friends, I felt like I could throw up when I walked into them for the first time, I was so nervous..

I also read notes that I had from my friends if we had free time. Or I would doodle, just anything to try and keep my mind off of the others I also felt the same way when the students would put their desks together and talk. A couple of times I was literally just one lone desk in the middle of a bunch of grouped ones. I sometimes thought the teachers looked at me with pity because I was alone. I had this one teacher in 8th grade who let us have free time where we could actually get out of our seats and just hang out. I had no friends in that class and I was usually the only one left in a seat. Those were the most horrible experiences ever. I knew everyone was looking/had looked at me since I was the only one sitting.


And about the part where the boy who liked your cousin is similar to my boyfriend. He liked my sister and told me to give her Valentines (when WE were going out) That's another reason why I compare myself to my sister. Even my so called boyfriend back then liked my sister more than me. He didn't even talk with her as much.

I really do hope I will become more comfortable in high school because thinking about 3 more years almost makes me sick to my stomach. At least I'm not worrying about college yet. And I also hope I will become more comfortable with presentations and such.

I only really have 2 friends so it will be hard to have even 1 class with 1 of them in it I'm so scared of being alone that I took classes that my friend were. Not the ones I wanted to actually take. This makes me think more and more about getting help because I know I can't go through life with these kind of decisions. I fear having what happened in your Science class happen to me, up to an unbearable level.


Right now I don't have a job, but when I do get one I know I'll be scared. Especially with the interviews and whatnot. I'm already fearing those when I haven't even had one. I'm not old enough yet to experience the kind of SA you're having but it sounds like it's a really horrible situation you're going through =( You really should go talk to your doctor and get help. I'm also not old enough to go to a doctor on my own so I have to have my parents help me, which is the tough part since I'm real nervous about telling them. Hopefully I'll get enough courage to use the letter idea Irish suggested.

I also wish you good luck in your future. I'll try to keep hoping for the best and get some help.

Thank you so much for reading my post and sharing your story with me =) I really appreciate what you have said, and I feel a bit better knowing that you went through almost the exact kind of situations I had gone through. It shows me that people do have the same type of problems I do and that I'm not alone.