Hi I am new to these forums and am hoping I could get some help, alot of people probably ask for help and my problems
are most likely no different from the guy next to me. I will also try to articulate my writing as best as humanly possible
there is a lot to tell for you to understand my position and how I got here.
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 18 years old. I hear this is a late diagnosis, I also know that before I was diagnosed
with this disorder I was treated heavily for something I did not have. Bipolar Disorder, I was taking 16 and 1/2 pills a
day including but not limited to because I cannot remember everything (Also these were in extremely high doses I was literally
drooling on the floor most of the day lieing inside my own body.) Zyprexa, Lithium, Lamictal, Carnitor, various antidepressents
including zoloft and what not. I also was prescribed Geodon and Abilify which I was allergic to. My brain is still physically
recovering from that 6 year stupor. If you can imagine having OCD and then it being amplified about 10 times (literally)
and then being trapped inside your own body in a waking drug induced coma for 6 years then you will understand that hell.
Due to that I do not remember much of my childhood before the age of 12 I just remember that it was very abusive in EVERY
form you can imagine I would prefer not to go into detail I just have fragmented memory of that. so basically to recap and
to keep you up with me. abusive childhood, then 6 year stupor. then diagnosis with OCD.
High school atleast what I remember when I wasn't drooling on the floor was really really bad. Kids are very mean is all I
care to say. But anyway I moved out when I was 18 to live with some friends and got off all my medication only to discover
a plethora of problems that only made me want to go back on medication so I wouldn't have to deal with them.
Now keep in mind I came from a very sheltered enviroment, I literally knew nothing about anything, For awhile everything
I learned about the world and how to deal with my issues came from my roomate and in my opinion my brother Nathan. To be
perfectly honest the only thing my mind could handle on a 6 year stupor was videogames so I could NOT physically tell reality
from fantasy. It was a really sad (but funny) situation for awhile there, my innocence mixed with my view of the world
at the time was something that most people would laught at xD.
So how did I get over my problems, or at least get to a stable situation so I can function.
(I still have alot to work through). Well my roomate just so happned to be the son of a famous creationist and evangelical.
who dealt with his issues religiously, here is how it helped me atleast I think how it helped me.
1. I got over my incredible hate I felt towards the world.
2. After getting off the medication (Nate said I didn't need) (which I find that I really don't need any) I lost 60 pounds
3. I learned about how to get a job (and how to lose it within a year) this is when I learned that I had OCD.
4. I started to go to the gym, which completely removes about 99% of my anxiety spikes from OCD I cannot describe how much
that has helped me. No more panic attacks and no more racing thoughts as long as I work out. Paranoia is greatly reduced here to
5. I eventually started taking some college classes, for computer science since computers is the only thing I know.
I realize now that this isn't what I want to do with my life, since I now for the most part enjoy sunlight and life xD.
6. I am normally not a religious person at all, however my OCD causes intense hypnagogic hallucinations, either the holy spirit
really exists and can come over people with great feelings of complete peace and God talks to me. Or I am really crazy. And
I am totally fearful of going to hell if I do something morally incorrect.
Now here is my current situation and why I need help.
1. it is incredibly hard to socialize, I am not shy anymore but I most definitely have very complicated things to say alot
of the time and either assume someone understands me or ramble out of nervousness. It tends to push most people away. Most relationships
I have with girls don't last that long, I can only wear the "cool no problem have my life figured out" mask for so long before
I spazz inside and ditch the relationship. I generally have a very gentle demeanor. ferdinand the bull?
2. If you can imagine a person, and that person is a cog in machine and is being turned one way. Well I am being turned 3 ways
an impossible task for any cog. between fantasy and reality, sometimes it's hard to tell the two apart. and fundamental christianity.
3. I also have an extreme fear of conspiracy theories and listen to Alex Jones Radio like all the time.
4. When I say I have a hard time tell fantasy from reality. Everything I see I literally absorb like a sponge, when I see movies
or something that have deep meaning in them or are supposed to have deeping meaning I have to try not to apply those ideas
to my own life. I really don't have much experience xD
5. I know two things one of them is that I need experience in life, because I don't have enough to tell someone
the time of day to be honest. So since my rent isn't particularly high I am doing things that are getting me socially
involved like when I go to 24 fitness with some of my christian friends and if I get the job I applied for soon, I am
going to do mixed martial arts. I find that art also interests me so I might take a few art classes, I don't like computers but
hey I might like graphics design!
6. I am also getting ready to help my two sisters who were in the same situation I was :G and it is going to be difficult
but I know I can do it. I know that my burning determination has gotten me this far along with the help of God. and that
it will help them to.
I guess that I would like to, if I can, since I'm pretty stable meet some people that have OCD and learn some social skills.
I don't have much conversation to offer outside of Anime, Movies, Gym, my occasional opinion on something I may have
some inate knowledge about or like, I am a great listener. I don't have many friends I just have the guys I go to the gym with, most of the time I
just stay in my room and drown myself in fantasy. although my landlords are alot like my parents so we do stuff all the time
(OMSI oregon museum of science and industry), we watch movies, my "Dad" was a professional chef for 30 years so I eat the a king.
it is a beyond sweet deal compared to what I came from. I could not be more grateful for them.
So yeah that's my story, why I need help, what I need help with and umm how I got there. also my short term memory seems to be
a wee bit twitchy I drop out of conversations on occasions because my brain seems to restart itself in the middle of a
conversation O_O?? LOL
anyway My name is Alex and I am glad to meet you
are most likely no different from the guy next to me. I will also try to articulate my writing as best as humanly possible
there is a lot to tell for you to understand my position and how I got here.
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 18 years old. I hear this is a late diagnosis, I also know that before I was diagnosed
with this disorder I was treated heavily for something I did not have. Bipolar Disorder, I was taking 16 and 1/2 pills a
day including but not limited to because I cannot remember everything (Also these were in extremely high doses I was literally
drooling on the floor most of the day lieing inside my own body.) Zyprexa, Lithium, Lamictal, Carnitor, various antidepressents
including zoloft and what not. I also was prescribed Geodon and Abilify which I was allergic to. My brain is still physically
recovering from that 6 year stupor. If you can imagine having OCD and then it being amplified about 10 times (literally)
and then being trapped inside your own body in a waking drug induced coma for 6 years then you will understand that hell.
Due to that I do not remember much of my childhood before the age of 12 I just remember that it was very abusive in EVERY
form you can imagine I would prefer not to go into detail I just have fragmented memory of that. so basically to recap and
to keep you up with me. abusive childhood, then 6 year stupor. then diagnosis with OCD.
High school atleast what I remember when I wasn't drooling on the floor was really really bad. Kids are very mean is all I
care to say. But anyway I moved out when I was 18 to live with some friends and got off all my medication only to discover
a plethora of problems that only made me want to go back on medication so I wouldn't have to deal with them.
Now keep in mind I came from a very sheltered enviroment, I literally knew nothing about anything, For awhile everything
I learned about the world and how to deal with my issues came from my roomate and in my opinion my brother Nathan. To be
perfectly honest the only thing my mind could handle on a 6 year stupor was videogames so I could NOT physically tell reality
from fantasy. It was a really sad (but funny) situation for awhile there, my innocence mixed with my view of the world
at the time was something that most people would laught at xD.
So how did I get over my problems, or at least get to a stable situation so I can function.
(I still have alot to work through). Well my roomate just so happned to be the son of a famous creationist and evangelical.
who dealt with his issues religiously, here is how it helped me atleast I think how it helped me.
1. I got over my incredible hate I felt towards the world.
2. After getting off the medication (Nate said I didn't need) (which I find that I really don't need any) I lost 60 pounds
3. I learned about how to get a job (and how to lose it within a year) this is when I learned that I had OCD.
4. I started to go to the gym, which completely removes about 99% of my anxiety spikes from OCD I cannot describe how much
that has helped me. No more panic attacks and no more racing thoughts as long as I work out. Paranoia is greatly reduced here to
5. I eventually started taking some college classes, for computer science since computers is the only thing I know.
I realize now that this isn't what I want to do with my life, since I now for the most part enjoy sunlight and life xD.
6. I am normally not a religious person at all, however my OCD causes intense hypnagogic hallucinations, either the holy spirit
really exists and can come over people with great feelings of complete peace and God talks to me. Or I am really crazy. And
I am totally fearful of going to hell if I do something morally incorrect.
Now here is my current situation and why I need help.
1. it is incredibly hard to socialize, I am not shy anymore but I most definitely have very complicated things to say alot
of the time and either assume someone understands me or ramble out of nervousness. It tends to push most people away. Most relationships
I have with girls don't last that long, I can only wear the "cool no problem have my life figured out" mask for so long before
I spazz inside and ditch the relationship. I generally have a very gentle demeanor. ferdinand the bull?
2. If you can imagine a person, and that person is a cog in machine and is being turned one way. Well I am being turned 3 ways
an impossible task for any cog. between fantasy and reality, sometimes it's hard to tell the two apart. and fundamental christianity.
3. I also have an extreme fear of conspiracy theories and listen to Alex Jones Radio like all the time.
4. When I say I have a hard time tell fantasy from reality. Everything I see I literally absorb like a sponge, when I see movies
or something that have deep meaning in them or are supposed to have deeping meaning I have to try not to apply those ideas
to my own life. I really don't have much experience xD
5. I know two things one of them is that I need experience in life, because I don't have enough to tell someone
the time of day to be honest. So since my rent isn't particularly high I am doing things that are getting me socially
involved like when I go to 24 fitness with some of my christian friends and if I get the job I applied for soon, I am
going to do mixed martial arts. I find that art also interests me so I might take a few art classes, I don't like computers but
hey I might like graphics design!
6. I am also getting ready to help my two sisters who were in the same situation I was :G and it is going to be difficult
but I know I can do it. I know that my burning determination has gotten me this far along with the help of God. and that
it will help them to.
I guess that I would like to, if I can, since I'm pretty stable meet some people that have OCD and learn some social skills.
I don't have much conversation to offer outside of Anime, Movies, Gym, my occasional opinion on something I may have
some inate knowledge about or like, I am a great listener. I don't have many friends I just have the guys I go to the gym with, most of the time I
just stay in my room and drown myself in fantasy. although my landlords are alot like my parents so we do stuff all the time
(OMSI oregon museum of science and industry), we watch movies, my "Dad" was a professional chef for 30 years so I eat the a king.
it is a beyond sweet deal compared to what I came from. I could not be more grateful for them.
So yeah that's my story, why I need help, what I need help with and umm how I got there. also my short term memory seems to be
a wee bit twitchy I drop out of conversations on occasions because my brain seems to restart itself in the middle of a
conversation O_O?? LOL
anyway My name is Alex and I am glad to meet you
