My story

[PerpetualCrossroad]

I have led a shameful life, and at the moment have crippling social anxiety - it is hard to leave the house. Maybe the truths about me will make you all feel better about yourselves, because I really am at the bottom of the barrel.

For starters I have never had a girlfriend. I was likeable enough, but one thing always stopped me. When I was about 13 I had an accident, which involved my dick - it was injured badly which basically wruined its function. No morning wood, really poor erections - I couldn't have sex.

Naturally I felt inferior and this festered. It wasn't an issue when I was 14, 15, even 16. But by this time I was behind and people wondered why I wasn't having flings like everyone else. So I withdrew. Slowly lost all my friends. Became a shell of a man.

I didn't feel like a man at all, just a pathetic failure. At 19 I didn't know what to do, so if I couldn't be a man I atleast wanted to look like one - so I had some plastic surgery. The money was supoosedly to help pay for uni and borrowed from my parents. I know, a despicable thing to do. My family was all I had and I fucked them over completely. I don't look the same, and even my family has trouble seeing me now - they see a different person. I don't want to go outside because I am afriad people who used to know me will notice the difference. The shame is too much and I think about suicide a lot. At the moment I plan to atleast pay my family the money back before I do anything drastic like suicide/skip the country, so atleast I make a amends for one thing is my disgusting life.

 

[SocialRetahd]

I would say you have it worse than anyone on this site, even me maybe.

I was wondering what type of plastic surgery that you had. Sounds like maybe a jaw implant. I personally am hoping for facial transplants to be available to all in the next 20 years.

 

[PerpetualCrossroad]

Even you? What are your problems, sounds like you have it pretty bad too.

One positive is that I recently had surgery, and my dick is somewhat better so sex is possible now - but relationships require honesty, and I can barely face the truth myself let alone tell somebody else. Bless the anonymity of the net.

And yes, it was jaw implants.

 

[desperate]

Even you? What are your problems, sounds like you have it pretty bad too.

One positive is that I recently had surgery, and my dick is somewhat better so sex is possible now - but relationships require honesty, and I can barely face the truth myself let alone tell somebody else. Bless the anonymity of the net.

And yes, it was jaw implants.

NOT EVERYBODY IS AS BAD AS YOU THINK, BUT IF YOU'RE ALREADY SO TERRIFIED ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO USED TO KNOW YOU, I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO CHANGE THAT MENTALITY, YOU SHOULD THINK OF A NEW START. WHY DON'T YOU MOVE TO ANOTHER TOWN. DOESN'T HAVE TO BE FAR AWAY. JUST SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU CAN START BEING THE PERSON YOU WANNA BE. NO NEED FOR SUICIDADE. BELIEVE ME, THERE ARE GOOD THINGS EXPECTING YOU AND DEEP INSIDE YOU KNOW IT AND YOU'RE WAITING FOR THEM. THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH UNFIXABLE SITUATIONS, YOU SHOULD FEEL GLAD YOU STEEPED UP AND GOT YOURS FIXED!!! :wink: I'M A WOMAN, BUT I KNOW HOW GUYS FEEL WHEN THEY DONT FEEL MAN ENOUGH. YOU ARE ONE NOW AND ALWAYS BEEN ONE. CHEERS FOR YOU MY FRIEND, THE PROBLEM THAT KEPT YOU HIDING LIKE A MONSTER IS OVER... YOU MIGHT BE SCARED NOW BUT YOU SHOULD TRY AND THIS WILL GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION AND THE STRENGHT TO SLOWLY RECOVER ONCE FOR ALL. I REALLY PUT ALL MY FAITH IN YOU.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

I have led a shameful life, and at the moment have crippling social anxiety - it is hard to leave the house. Maybe the truths about me will make you all feel better about yourselves, because I really am at the bottom of the barrel.

For starters I have never had a girlfriend. I was likeable enough, but one thing always stopped me. When I was about 13 I had an accident, which involved my dick - it was injured badly which basically wruined its function. No morning wood, really poor erections - I couldn't have sex.

Naturally I felt inferior and this festered. It wasn't an issue when I was 14, 15, even 16. But by this time I was behind and people wondered why I wasn't having flings like everyone else. So I withdrew. Slowly lost all my friends. Became a shell of a man.

I didn't feel like a man at all, just a pathetic failure. At 19 I didn't know what to do, so if I couldn't be a man I atleast wanted to look like one - so I had some plastic surgery. The money was supoosedly to help pay for uni and borrowed from my parents. I know, a despicable thing to do. My family was all I had and I fucked them over completely. I don't look the same, and even my family has trouble seeing me now - they see a different person. I don't want to go outside because I am afriad people who used to know me will notice the difference. The shame is too much and I think about suicide a lot. At the moment I plan to atleast pay my family the money back before I do anything drastic like suicide/skip the country, so atleast I make a amends for one thing is my disgusting life.

Man, that sucks. But as far as putting yourself under the FAILURE label, I don't see that as the case. You did something out of fear, and it's actually kind of understandable. Sorry to hear it didn't help in the end. Some demons are more visible than others I suppose.

Did you try talking to your family about it? It might allow you to at least vent some of the guilt if you explain everything to them honestly. Also, considering the fact that you're willing to pay them back, you're doing everything in your power to make it right. So forget the past. You're doing something about what you can, and I sincerely congratulate you for that.

You said in your other thread that the one thing that keeps you going is motivating and inspiring others, and through rectifying your situation and accepting it as your fault, you've just inspired and perhaps motivated somebody right now. So don't commit suicide. Keep motivating people. You're the man for that job.

 

[alter_ego]

I have led a shameful life, and at the moment have crippling social anxiety - it is hard to leave the house. Maybe the truths about me will make you all feel better about yourselves, because I really am at the bottom of the barrel.

For starters I have never had a girlfriend. I was likeable enough, but one thing always stopped me. When I was about 13 I had an accident, which involved my dick - it was injured badly which basically wruined its function. No morning wood, really poor erections - I couldn't have sex.

Naturally I felt inferior and this festered. It wasn't an issue when I was 14, 15, even 16. But by this time I was behind and people wondered why I wasn't having flings like everyone else. So I withdrew. Slowly lost all my friends. Became a shell of a man.

I didn't feel like a man at all, just a pathetic failure. At 19 I didn't know what to do, so if I couldn't be a man I atleast wanted to look like one - so I had some plastic surgery. The money was supoosedly to help pay for uni and borrowed from my parents. I know, a despicable thing to do. My family was all I had and I fucked them over completely. I don't look the same, and even my family has trouble seeing me now - they see a different person. I don't want to go outside because I am afriad people who used to know me will notice the difference. The shame is too much and I think about suicide a lot. At the moment I plan to atleast pay my family the money back before I do anything drastic like suicide/skip the country, so atleast I make a amends for one thing is my disgusting life.

Stop telling yourself you have led "a shameful life". You have done nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about. You've not killed anyone or hurt anyone or done anything cruel. So you used money meant for uni on plastic surgery instead. It's not such a big deal, we all do silly things when we're young.

Sex and looks aren't the most important things, a person's personality is. Stop hating yourself, you don't deserve it.

 

[helloworld32]

i would say suicide is a pretty harsh step for something so minimal such as using money that was for uni to fund for plastic surgery. I would just talk to your parents...i'm sure yes they'll be mad at first but with time comes forgiveness. Don't let it eat you up. At least with telling them you'll have a more clean conscious and the guilt will lessen.

As for not being able to tell a girlfriend your problem...don't worry so much about it. one day I promise you'll find a girl that likes you for everything you have to offer rather than such petty things like looks and sex...relationships are not based on it alone..it's a combination of many things including personality, trust, love, and honesty...and to me you look like you've got all of those down...just wait for the right girl. :wink: