My story

[silverbullet]

Some of the stories on here remind myself that things could be worse. I'm not saying this to make fun or put down, I struggle with my own form of agoraphobia (which I will outline shortly) and I can only imagine how hard it must be not be able to leave the house. I feel for you all, I truly do.

My fear started off simply as a fear of flying. Not so much that the plane would crash, but because I couldn't get off. For years, I just went through it anyway, always feeling better once on the plane and at my destination.

Then in 2010, I got sick. Really sick. Heart problems sick. I was in the hospital for 5 days with an arrhythmic condition, in 2011 I had surgery to fix the problem. But in between those two events I was on medication, medication that made me feel like crap.

Also, I have IBS.

My fear was that I would get sick in a situation I couldn't escape, planes being the biggest problem, but now the problem has spread. Boat rides (short ones), car washes (automatic ones).

From 2011-2012 I was in a relationship with a physician, who understood agoraphobia but was less than sympathetic to my plight. She couldn't understand why I couldn't go on vacation, or fly home to see my family.

I live in Toronto, Canada, my dad is in New Brunswick and my mom is in Vancouver. I haven't been home in over a year and I haven't been to Vancouver in 3.

I miss my family.

I have seen three therapists for CBT, but once we start doing exposure I have a hard time carrying through. It's like there is this invisible wall from where I am to where I want to be and I can't break through it. Even car washes (of 3 minutes in length) are too much to face.

I'm really feeling at a loss of what to do at this point.

Sorry for this being a bit rambling, that's just where I am.

 

[rosewood]

i am sorry for your situation... is there any chance for your family to come to you?
i guess i am hoping for a better outcome for you...

thank you for mentioning the car wash fear. i recently re-experienced panic while driving in heavy traffic, and realized that without knowing it i had been having panic attacks most my life in those situations -and now thanks to you- in car washes too. anywhere i was limited to a small space and not able to move around too much.

thanks for sharing your story

 

[silverbullet]

hmmm I'm not sure if that was genuine thanks or not, I hope I didn't give you a realization that makes life harder for you.

 

[Oizys]

I have the same thing - scared of throwing up and not able to escape. After my agoraphobia happened, my first trip to the doctor was spent with my head out the window, throwing up throughout the drive. I haven't thrown up since, but I also don't travel without something to throw up into while in the car, so I don't panic so much about not being able to escape.

My therapist recently changed places and yesterday I saw her for the first time in a month or two, in an entirely new place and the first thing I did walking in is to look for the bathroom, I was terrified, and thankfully the place is kind of deserted, so it didn't take long to calm down.

Therapy is one on a very short list of places I can go to - the other places being relatives houses, which my family have prearranged a room for me to be alone in if I have an attack, and my local shop which is only like 4-5 houses away.

 

[kismet]

I have the same thing - scared of throwing up and not able to escape. After my agoraphobia happened, my first trip to the doctor was spent with my head out the window, throwing up throughout the drive. I haven't thrown up since, but I also don't travel without something to throw up into while in the car, so I don't panic so much about not being able to escape.

My therapist recently changed places and yesterday I saw her for the first time in a month or two, in an entirely new place and the first thing I did walking in is to look for the bathroom, I was terrified, and thankfully the place is kind of deserted, so it didn't take long to calm down.

Therapy is one on a very short list of places I can go to - the other places being relatives houses, which my family have prearranged a room for me to be alone in if I have an attack, and my local shop which is only like 4-5 houses away.

I am brand new to this forum and this is my first post after reading many....wow!!! You could be describing me!!!! I constantly worry about throwing up everywhere I go too!! The first thing I do everywhere is be sure I know where the bathrooms are or where the exit is in case running outside to get sick is faster! I always have plastic bags in my purse just in case and I even have plastic bags in my nightstands as sometimes I'm sick in the middle of the night. I can function pretty well within my own small town, but I'm not able to leave city limits.