My story

[Anonymous]

Hi there! I just wanted to tell people about me and my life, and see if anyone has had any similar experiences.

Back in elementary school, I was not afraid of social situations. I did not try to be cool or anything - I was just me. Every now and then people said to me that I was corny. I guess that was because I wasn't trying to be cool and maybe I was also trying to get attention or something.

Then when I was 10 years old, I took a wrong step. Someone in 6th grade yelled to me that I was ugly and I replied ironically to him with something like "And you're so good looking!". I remember that my friend said "You shouldn't have said that", but I didn't understand why at the time. Later in my life I have been wondering why he and not I understood that that could be a bad thing to say. After that many 6th graders started to call me gay and bully me for it.

A year later when the bullies had started 7th grade on another school, my own class took over the bullying. I think the worst thing was that I didn't have any real friends. They said they were impartial in the bullying. They also made me feel like I wasn't really welcome.

The bullying continued until halfway through 7th grade. But after that I still did not feel welcome among my friends at school.

I have been very nervous for all social situations ever since and now 9 years after the bullying stopped I still can't trust people except my family and close relatives. I always think that if I say or do something wrong people are going to start bullying me again or think I'm corny.

I have been going to school welfare officers and therapists ever since the bullying stopped and two years ago I started taking anti-depressives to make social situations easier. Now I'm not afraid of basic social situations anymore.

There is however something with my life that is not right and I don't know what it is. Something is missing. I have never had a girlfriend and I don't have any close friends. Maybe that's what is missing...? But however much I try to talk to people, to make some good friends, something is there making conversations difficult (not fear I think). I feel like I'm different from everyone else - I don't feel human. Maybe it's just the sadness that I feel that makes me not want to talk.

It would be nice to know if anyone has had any similar experiences and feel the way I feel now.

/Chris

 

[MarCPatt]

Beauty is all around us.

You say that you do not have problems with basic social situations any longer. Do not stress too much about not having a girl right now. Someday you will meet the right girl. There are millions of fish out in the sea and there has to be one for you somewhere. I recommend for you to start participating in some kind of group in your neighborhood or church. There are millions of groups out there that you can belong to. Think about the things you like, such as reading, dancing, etc., and look into becoming a member in one of them. This way you will meet people with similar interests to yours. Believe me, I know what I am talking about, I met my husband in one of these groups. I also know that a lot of churches have youth programs or programs for young single people. Look into what kind of single groups your church has. Maybe you can talk to your pastor or priest into starting one if there is none at your church. This is not uncommon. The church that I used to belong to, when I was living in California, had a group for young single adults that got together and did fun things, from bible studies to dances.

As for your fear of what others may think of you, that is a common symptom of people who suffer from social phobia. You just need to do, what we are all trying to do; retrain your mind and body. Stop putting yourself down and start putting positive thoughts in your mind and your body will slowly follow.

No one is perfect and we cannot make every single person on this world happy. We all need to accept and love ourselves the way we are. The greatest beauty in the world is knowing that not everything is the same.

 

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your support!

Since I love radio, I'm voluntering at student radio stations, but it's the same there. I talk to many people every day, but I always get exhausted after conversations, because it's so hard to find (safe) things to say. Even though I'm not afraid of basic social situations, they still do make me tense.

/Chris

 

[neddy]

my story

I had a similar experience when I was going through school but I got picked on for different reasons and I often wondered what was wrong with me and why didn't people like me for the way I was, I was shy but I used to be happy and friendly but now i am anything but happy. I also have no friends as I am unable to trust anyone but this is something I'm hoping to fix in the near future.

It wasnt until I started driving taxis that I realised not everyone is as bad as what I thought they were, there are actually alot of nice people out there, it just a matter of letting your guard down and give people a go. Bear in mind that not everyone you meet will like you but that is their problem and not yours. If people can't accept you for the way you are (good and bad) then they aren't worth losing sleep over. These people are very shallow and there are alot of geniune people out there who really do care. As for not having a girlfiend I wouldn't worry about it too much, you will meet one when you least expect it. I'm 35 and never had a boyfriend, I've often wondered what was wrong with me but I have to learn to have faith in myself and to let the walls down in order for me to get to know people better

It took you several years to reach the point where you are at right now so it will take a little while to improve, just take one small step at a time, allow yourself to make mistakes as to you it may feel like you have said or done something wrong but the other person may not think so, let them tell you if you have otherwise I wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

[Jimmy]

I was bullied all through school too. I also have difficulty having conversations, even with my family members. It is a lack of social skills from being a loner for so long.
The only way to learn social skills is to talk to people, force yourself into conversations and you will learn. Join groups as marcpatt was saying.

 

[sandra]

Chris, A sad tale indeed but not one that is uncommon. I too suffered at the hands of a bully and I was a grown up woman who was a professional.
It took 10years to realise that. No more !
I took a course in coaching to improve my self esteem was treated by a callahan practitioner for a phobia and started my own business at the age of 47 and Im taking life by the throat and giving it a good shake.
There is lots of help out there dont give up if something isnt right for you try something else. We are an amazing race we can do anything, remove the word BUT from your conversation and replace with will, can, shall .Just realising how many times we use BUT as an excuse not to do
I know that anyone can do !
Sandra

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks! It's nice to hear that there really are others with similar expreiences!

Chris

 

[Orlando]

Chris,

Just wanted to say that I too was a victim of a bully in the 6th-8th grade. His name was David K. He was one foot shorter than me. However, he had a mouth filled of filth and vile insults. He also had more popular friends who were more physically intimating than myself. I was short, chubby, and Oriental. (No, I did not look smaller version of Bruce Lee. However, you could say that I did look like Bruce Lee if he was extremely short and fat. Oh, well.)
You would think that verbal abuse would not hurt so much as physical abuse. "Sticks and Stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Obviously, whoever came up with that stupid saying must have been deaf because sometimes those memories still hurt me. I'm 30...And those things happened along time ago. Hang in there. Be patient with yourself.

-Don't Worry You Are Not Alone!!-

 

[Anonymous]

I wasn't the victim of bullying in any of my schooling. I do remember teasing a guy in elementary school though I made fun of his shoes and the way he walked. I also called him mental a lot. It probably made it worse that I was friendly with him some of the time then I'd turn on him and get laughs out of making fun of him. I made him cry once and I felt bad and played with him for the rest of recess. I didn't make fun of him after that and throughout middle school and high school I was always friendly with him and we shared an interest in video games so we talked about that a lot. I know I must have caused him a lot of emotional harm, and I never said sorry before graduating high school. I was so close to saying it after I signed his year book on our senior year, but I had to stay tough. I'm obviously having problems myself or I wouldn't be posting on this board. I had very bad depression in my Junior year of High School and I'd stay up almost all night thinking about all of my faults and everything I've done wrong and how lonely I was. I thought about how I made fun of Ed (the guy from elementary) and I would start crying. I was like that for my entire junior year. I don't know how many times I would cry painfully into my pillow thinking about killing myself. I was doing all of this and I haven't suffered at all compared to other people. I wanted to post in this topic because I haven't had a girlfriend either and I'm 21. I got through depression and an entire year of really bad fear of leaving my house. Now I still have anxiety, but without the depression. I have decided I'm going to stop worrying about when I'll get a girlfriend because when you think about it there are tons and tons of available women out there and it's just a matter of time before one will come your way. I hope your bullies feel regret like I do for making fun of Ed.

 

[Orlando]

Arzenfodden,

Even though I was bullied. I too caused pain. I made fun of other people and probably hurt their feelings too. I sometimes I too feel guilty. However, what goes around comes around. I have been hurt by insenstive people also. If I go on the street and ask each person if they were mean or just down-right obnoxious to other people, each person would say, "yes."
I guess what I'm saying is that what is in the past should stay in the past. You fall. You get up and learn from the mistake. Some people don't even take the time to understand the effect they have on others. It sounds like you do. Think about what you are going to do in the present and look toward the future.

Take it easy on yourself.

 

[deadzone]

maybe what the poster is decribing is not social anxiety.. but schizoid personality type. he says he is not afriad.. maybe he just doesnt care about being social.. like everyone expects a 'normal' person to be.. and rather prefers he own company. this is actually being debated as to wether it is actually a 'condition' or just a personality. what do you guys think?