collegeguy
New member
First post here...this has been plaguing me for a while now and I finally decided to do SOMETHING by searching the web.
Anyway, I really appear to be a pretty normal guy...and I don't exhibit some of the extreme symptoms I've read about on this site.
I have a good amount of friends...I enjoy partying, and I do a lot of stuff to have fun. I generally don't isolate myself from the world to a great degree.
However, my problem is I am EXTREMELY self-conscience. When I'm around friends it isn't too bad...but if I'm out by myself in public, I'm usually extremely self-conscious. I'm almost always slightly uneasy. Now, I don't avoid going out alone...if I need to get something to eat and nobody else wants to go, I will go. But, I always feel as if EVERYONE is watching me and my every move. I feel like I must look stupid in the eyes of everyone else. As I've already indicated, I always feel at least slightly uneasy out in public by myself...depending on the situation it sometimes borders on panic, you know, shaking hands...sweating, fast heartbeat. For instance, I HATE eating by myself in public, and will do anything to avoid it. I will NEVER eat in my college's dining halls by myself. On long drives by myself, sometimes I'll stop to get something to eat...and if I eat in the restauraunt by myself, I feel extremely uneasy, like everyone in the restaurant (none of whom know me) is watching me, or thinking I'm a loser for eating by myself.
Another problem is that I'm WAY too passive. I really have trouble asserting myself, even though I'd like to - and because of it I get pushed around a lot. I believe this stems from my self-consciousness and the overbearing feeling that everyone is analyzing me, and the overbearing feeling to make everyone like me. For instance, if someone says something I disagree with I will almost always not voice my opinion...instead nodding in silent agreement, for fear of confrontation. It's hard to explain...
Another example is, if I order food and my order is messed up...I will suck it up rather than complain, and even if I do complain, I come across as meek, rather than actually taking a stand.
I allow myself to get pushed around...if I drive somewhere, I typically don't like to have food in my car (I'm kind of a neat freak) but if someone insists on eating in my car, I won't speak up.
I'm also horrible at negotiating with people...meaning they almost always end up getting the better of me.
One other thing I have a problem with is authority figures...I have a job but even asking for job applications scared me to death - I was so afraid of what my employer would think of me, just in the way that I asked for an application, that it made me nervous. Of course, this was counterproductive as my nervousness definitely came across in terms of shaking hands, shaky voice, etc....same in job interviews I've had. I hate talking to professors after class even if I have a very important question...I'm afraid I'll be criticized for asking something stupid...even moreso in the middle of class...I have not spoken in any of my classes this year.
That's the other thing, I absolutely cannot take being criticized in the slightest way. I'm DEATHLY afraid of reading the comments on a report or essay I get back from class, in fear that it will have direct criticisms. If someone criticizes me in the slightest at work I will analyze it for the rest of the night...even if it was minor or not even my fault. Thus, much of my life is geared around avoiding criticism...as well as criticizing others, since I'm so wrapped up in what others think of me.
I've been shy since childhood and was always told by my parents that it was a phase that would pass, well, I'm going on 20 and if anything i've gotten a bit worse in some areas the last few years....
Now, let me remind you - I have plenty of friends, I do like to party, have fun, go to sporting events, play sports, etc....and I'm pretty good at masking my above problems. It's just that the above problems are definitely interfering with my life and I can see them interfering with my ability to have a successful career/rest of my life.
Does this sound like Social Anxiety Disorder or something else? Because honestly...after reading up, I still don't know. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone/go to a therapist too....although I may have to bite the bullet if I want to live a happy life.
Anyway, I really appear to be a pretty normal guy...and I don't exhibit some of the extreme symptoms I've read about on this site.
I have a good amount of friends...I enjoy partying, and I do a lot of stuff to have fun. I generally don't isolate myself from the world to a great degree.
However, my problem is I am EXTREMELY self-conscience. When I'm around friends it isn't too bad...but if I'm out by myself in public, I'm usually extremely self-conscious. I'm almost always slightly uneasy. Now, I don't avoid going out alone...if I need to get something to eat and nobody else wants to go, I will go. But, I always feel as if EVERYONE is watching me and my every move. I feel like I must look stupid in the eyes of everyone else. As I've already indicated, I always feel at least slightly uneasy out in public by myself...depending on the situation it sometimes borders on panic, you know, shaking hands...sweating, fast heartbeat. For instance, I HATE eating by myself in public, and will do anything to avoid it. I will NEVER eat in my college's dining halls by myself. On long drives by myself, sometimes I'll stop to get something to eat...and if I eat in the restauraunt by myself, I feel extremely uneasy, like everyone in the restaurant (none of whom know me) is watching me, or thinking I'm a loser for eating by myself.
Another problem is that I'm WAY too passive. I really have trouble asserting myself, even though I'd like to - and because of it I get pushed around a lot. I believe this stems from my self-consciousness and the overbearing feeling that everyone is analyzing me, and the overbearing feeling to make everyone like me. For instance, if someone says something I disagree with I will almost always not voice my opinion...instead nodding in silent agreement, for fear of confrontation. It's hard to explain...
Another example is, if I order food and my order is messed up...I will suck it up rather than complain, and even if I do complain, I come across as meek, rather than actually taking a stand.
I allow myself to get pushed around...if I drive somewhere, I typically don't like to have food in my car (I'm kind of a neat freak) but if someone insists on eating in my car, I won't speak up.
I'm also horrible at negotiating with people...meaning they almost always end up getting the better of me.
One other thing I have a problem with is authority figures...I have a job but even asking for job applications scared me to death - I was so afraid of what my employer would think of me, just in the way that I asked for an application, that it made me nervous. Of course, this was counterproductive as my nervousness definitely came across in terms of shaking hands, shaky voice, etc....same in job interviews I've had. I hate talking to professors after class even if I have a very important question...I'm afraid I'll be criticized for asking something stupid...even moreso in the middle of class...I have not spoken in any of my classes this year.
That's the other thing, I absolutely cannot take being criticized in the slightest way. I'm DEATHLY afraid of reading the comments on a report or essay I get back from class, in fear that it will have direct criticisms. If someone criticizes me in the slightest at work I will analyze it for the rest of the night...even if it was minor or not even my fault. Thus, much of my life is geared around avoiding criticism...as well as criticizing others, since I'm so wrapped up in what others think of me.
I've been shy since childhood and was always told by my parents that it was a phase that would pass, well, I'm going on 20 and if anything i've gotten a bit worse in some areas the last few years....
Now, let me remind you - I have plenty of friends, I do like to party, have fun, go to sporting events, play sports, etc....and I'm pretty good at masking my above problems. It's just that the above problems are definitely interfering with my life and I can see them interfering with my ability to have a successful career/rest of my life.
Does this sound like Social Anxiety Disorder or something else? Because honestly...after reading up, I still don't know. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone/go to a therapist too....although I may have to bite the bullet if I want to live a happy life.