My SP downhill

[rado31]

So, i analyze my life because i wanted to know if anyone here feels similiar (SP wannabes and emos are not welcome to discuss).

This is my list of feelings, from the day when God puts me down on SA ladder:

Feeling completely different (Kindergarten)

Oversensitvity (Over-reaction, both menthaly , and psyhisically...Used to have a high body temperature from my childhood without reason, alergic to a most of medicines also )

Over thinking

Trying to fit in society--> Fail. Time when u avoid everything (then again first step)

Depression

Trying to fit in society--> Fail. Time when u avoid everything (then again first step, but now getting less and less patient)

(There are times when i do believe that i fit, though)

Loosing nerves

Depression

Constant Tiredness,

Loneliness (Most painful part, cause society cant do almost anything for me)

Identity crisis (What in the hell is so wrong?)

Hopelessness, Depression


And to add that my SP/AvPD markably increased after visiting a shrink. One of the medicines that made me feel incredibly strange is Prozac

Thanks for listening


And Your thinkings on this?

 

[prince1]

There's something missing in your life. Something important, but you yet have to discover it. The thing that is missing is right under your nose (not litterally) but you refuse too see it. The missing is aware of you but can not get your attention. You need not think about what is missing but rather what isint missing and the answer will become obvious.

i hope this helps, call me strange but soon you will realise.

 

[4seasons]

What exacly is an "SP wannabe"? who would want to live with this?

Yes, alot of what you said is similar to how i feel.

 

[applesewer]

hey rado31

you sound like you're going through a lot of what I've been through......erm.....I did have some slightly contraversial thoughts when reading your post though and I'm a bit scared to tell them to you cause they might be a bit challenging or close to the bone.....but I hope you don't mind me just giving my opinions....they're just my personal thoughts so you can take them or leave them.

But firstly I was just curious about this term you used..."SP wannabes"....I thought it was quite interesting cause it implies that you feel a certain sense of pride that you are a "real" SP sufferer.....I only mention this cause I used to [and probably slightly still do if I'm honest] have the same problem....but I read once about how some people wear their pains like badges of honour, somehow believing [either consciously or often sub-consciously] that with their pains comes also a certain sense of worth....like they're really "living" life, unlike the lightweights who have no problems.....or possibly that by holding up their list of problems and pains it's like an excuse or a mask to hide behind so that they don't feel so guilty for not facing up to certain weakness's and flaws in their character. So it's like you can tell people, "I can't get a job cause I have social anxiety" then people will have sympathy for you, like you've been afflicted unfairly by god or fate, and people will be like, "poor bloke...he has to carry this really heavy burden and it's not his fault"......of course I'm not saying that we asked for these problems to come upon us, and I'm not saying we neccecarily had much control or understanding of what was happening etc......but what I'm saying is that these could be reasons for why we "hold on" to the pains instead of fixing them.

I only mention this because after examining myself I found that this was some of the psychology going on in my own life and I've since started to correct it and am feeling much better these days.

hope it helps

 

[rado31]

hey rado31

you sound like you're going through a lot of what I've been through......erm.....I did have some slightly contraversial thoughts when reading your post though and I'm a bit scared to tell them to you cause they might be a bit challenging or close to the bone.....but I hope you don't mind me just giving my opinions....they're just my personal thoughts so you can take them or leave them.

But firstly I was just curious about this term you used..."SP wannabes"....I thought it was quite interesting cause it implies that you feel a certain sense of pride that you are a "real" SP sufferer.....I only mention this cause I used to [and probably slightly still do if I'm honest] have the same problem....but I read once about how some people wear their pains like badges of honour, somehow believing [either consciously or often sub-consciously] that with their pains comes also a certain sense of worth....like they're really "living" life, unlike the lightweights who have no problems.....or possibly that by holding up their list of problems and pains it's like an excuse or a mask to hide behind so that they don't feel so guilty for not facing up to certain weakness's and flaws in their character. So it's like you can tell people, "I can't get a job cause I have social anxiety" then people will have sympathy for you, like you've been afflicted unfairly by god or fate, and people will be like, "poor bloke...he has to carry this really heavy burden and it's not his fault"......of course I'm not saying that we asked for these problems to come upon us, and I'm not saying we neccecarily had much control or understanding of what was happening etc......but what I'm saying is that these could be reasons for why we "hold on" to the pains instead of fixing them.

I only mention this because after examining myself I found that this was some of the psychology going on in my own life and I've since started to correct it and am feeling much better these days.

hope it helps

Hi Worrywort,

Actually , with term SP-wannabe i described persons that are able to hold relationships especially with opposite sex which i was never able. I would rather be 'SP-wannabe' than Sp . No, it isnt the excuse. I was one of the best students ever, and got even more degree and for me it is a total private and professional disaster that my state is gradually worsening.
I would rather defined this 'illness' like state of total insecurity in oneselfs, but it also doesnt solve a problem. I remember few times before my first breakdown i asked a psychologist how to build a self esteem and he havent told me anything , instead he tortured me with some kind of shape-associations test for hours.

I remembered that i several times tried to become religious because of this crap, i was so deasperd ( I remeber that you are Christian and i m pretty sure that it helps) . Actually i believe in some sort of Creator , like my own religion , but i have a milllion doubts and question for what it is written in bible..

So, i really feel sorry now if i insulted some possible 'SP-wannabe' , if such creatures exist and hang around this place. Everyone of us has some desires (even if they are very stupid)

 

[applesewer]

Actually , with term SP-wannabe i described persons that are able to hold relationships especially with opposite sex which i was never able.

aah ok I see what you mean....I know the types!....sorry about that....I think I may have been reflecting my own problems onto you a bit.....

anywayz....yea I'm a christian, although I still have millions of questions....but feel free to ask me anything about my faith. I love talking about theology and philosophy and stuff!

my emails [email protected]

cool
laterz