my problem

yomisma19

Member
I suffered my first depression 5 years ago. When I started to feel so bad, strange…I started to be absent from uni. I don’t know why but I was very ashamed of me, I felt anxiety ,it’s like It was driving me mad… I felt very insecure with myself and so insecure with others…. My parents asked me what was going on, but I had no responses, then I felt so bad. It was just 1 month, then in few weeks I went back to the uni…. I thought it would be nothing special, then I did a normal day since then...But it was the start of my problem.
Since this moment i have had relapses. But those have been worst. Then I have been taking antidepressants since the first relapse, and the doctor have been changing or increasing the medication I’m taking. And this is what happens to me:
-When I start to feel bad, I start to feel uncomfortable with people, i feel nervous, my head is thinking all the time and my brain is seized up. I feel I'm not natural, dull, distant, out of place. I need go home. I can't be at the uni, I can't study... I feel comfortable only at home, just because i don't feel anybody is judging me. I don't feel secure with myself, I hate me. Even I don't speak with my friends, I don't know...I feel ashamed...It's like I don't I don't want to speak with anyone, if somebody call at home i don't answer..But later i feel bad, and i start to think: what he/she is thinking about me? I don't speak by messenger either. later i am on depression then I’m all day sleeping, i can't talk, i cry, i hate myself, i have no plans to the future because i don't feel capable to do anything, i don't try to get better because i don't have the strength. My family helps me a lot....I get better with the antidepressants but the fear is there. then i have hopes to get better and trying i can do a normal day.
-Now, I am in a depression since 5 months ago. I have been taking antidepressants and I'm better: I am not all day sleeping, I can read a book or watch a film, I feel fine at home and i feel
I am afraid i think i can't do a normal life. I feel i have limits. I feel ashamed. I think when i am fine, it is because I adapt to the world, and when i feel "different", uncomfortable, out of place...my head thinks too much and it beats me. I think i have been influenced by others and i have been dependent of my friends or my family...I don't know..
i think i have written the most important, but there are more things to explain too. I just want to be listened and to speak with people with a similar problem, or people who understand me.
Who understand me?
(Sorry about my English ..)
 

lithium

Well-known member
I suffer from minor depression and I can relate to some degree. There are days where I just can't leave my house, and stay in my room all day. I have had depression on and off for about 3 years now. I haven't tried anti-depressants because I'm scared of what they will do to me. Depression is nothing to be ashamed about, it's a disorder and it's not your fault that you have it.
 

Anubis

Well-known member
the "negative" effects of drugs are really over-rated imo, especially anti-depressants. They don't change you, unless you want to be changed. I've taken anti-depressants and even ritalin a few times, and they've helped me focus when I've desired focus.

I didn't always have the above opinion though. I came from a family that gets extremely uncomfortable even when I bought energy drinks so it took me a while to get over society's perception of drugs.
 

yomisma19

Member
I suffer from minor depression and I can relate to some degree. There are days where I just can't leave my house, and stay in my room all day. I have had depression on and off for about 3 years now. I haven't tried anti-depressants because I'm scared of what they will do to me. Depression is nothing to be ashamed about, it's a disorder and it's not your fault that you have it.
I take antidepressants...I admit that they have helped me: I'm not all day sleeping etc... but i think the problem is than the antidepressant are just helping me superficially...but they don't cure me because maybe is more psychological, i don´t know...
 
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