Orlando
Well-known member
Actually, the title of this post is inaccurate. The problem isn't with women. It's with me. I'm 30 years old and all together I have a massed 3 dates for my lifetime (One was on a singles cruise and I am still friends with the girl who I met [platonic].) I am very shy and passive.
I have learned in dancing (i.e. the waltz or swing) that the man leads. The guy is supposed to signal what should happen first in the relationship. We first have to approach the girl and ask for their phone number. We have to call the girl. We have to arrange where to go and what to do on the date. Any girls reading this, be aware that their are men in the world that are 'freaking-out' with all the responsibilities that come with dating.
My problem is that I'm not assertive. The last two girls that I went out with (Single date, never progressing to a serious relationship) thought I was a homosexual. It doesn't really help my confidence level to know that people of the same sex think that I prefer my own sex. Actually, it really made me feel bad. Am I a man?
There is this woman at college. Her name is Melissa. I met her in the program and we have taken 3 classes together.
I like Melissa because of the following reasons:
1) She is more outgoing than I
2) She is around my age, 26.
3) We are friends, I know that I can get along with each other.
4) She is intelligent.
5) She likes running. (I like running, too.)
6) She like dancing. (I like dancing, too.)
7) She is independent.
8) Most importantly, she challenges me. Since I have met her, my world has changed, well, it's bigger. I joined her gym under her suggestion. I have taken up running and dancing just because she was doing it (and I have grown accustomed to it, I genuinely like those activities! :wink: ) She like watching college basketball, something I have no idea about but I'm willing to sit through it if she likes it! (It's ok but not something that I'm totally into like she is!?! :roll: )
The problem is that I'm stuck. My face is impassive and I give ambigous messages that I like her. Instead of saying that I like her, I would always say, "That's what friends are for." Always, protraying our relationship as 'typical friends' even when I feel that it is more special than that.
What is even more frustrating, is that I have no definate evidence that she like me the same way I do? My elder sister said to me once,"Guys think they know what girls want but they don't. You will only know what she want unless she tells it to you. 8O " That means. I have to take the lead and ask her first. 8O Darn, I want to be the woman. It's easier that way.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. When I think of just continuing my friendship with Melissa, I feel that I am wasting an opportunity for discovery (learning about myself, in particular, and her as a partner). I don't want to have just friends (with girls) for my whole life because I am
afraid of being rejected. I don't live because of my fear. I want to live for the goals that I choose (i.e., to have a stable job, family, etc.) I don't want my fear to tell me what to do! I don't have problems making friends with women. My female friends outnumber my male friends. (Weird, huh? ) My problem is I want to tell Melissa that she is 'special' to me...but I hold back a because I am frightend of rejection.
I have learned in dancing (i.e. the waltz or swing) that the man leads. The guy is supposed to signal what should happen first in the relationship. We first have to approach the girl and ask for their phone number. We have to call the girl. We have to arrange where to go and what to do on the date. Any girls reading this, be aware that their are men in the world that are 'freaking-out' with all the responsibilities that come with dating.
My problem is that I'm not assertive. The last two girls that I went out with (Single date, never progressing to a serious relationship) thought I was a homosexual. It doesn't really help my confidence level to know that people of the same sex think that I prefer my own sex. Actually, it really made me feel bad. Am I a man?
There is this woman at college. Her name is Melissa. I met her in the program and we have taken 3 classes together.
I like Melissa because of the following reasons:
1) She is more outgoing than I
2) She is around my age, 26.
3) We are friends, I know that I can get along with each other.
4) She is intelligent.
5) She likes running. (I like running, too.)
6) She like dancing. (I like dancing, too.)
7) She is independent.
8) Most importantly, she challenges me. Since I have met her, my world has changed, well, it's bigger. I joined her gym under her suggestion. I have taken up running and dancing just because she was doing it (and I have grown accustomed to it, I genuinely like those activities! :wink: ) She like watching college basketball, something I have no idea about but I'm willing to sit through it if she likes it! (It's ok but not something that I'm totally into like she is!?! :roll: )
The problem is that I'm stuck. My face is impassive and I give ambigous messages that I like her. Instead of saying that I like her, I would always say, "That's what friends are for." Always, protraying our relationship as 'typical friends' even when I feel that it is more special than that.
What is even more frustrating, is that I have no definate evidence that she like me the same way I do? My elder sister said to me once,"Guys think they know what girls want but they don't. You will only know what she want unless she tells it to you. 8O " That means. I have to take the lead and ask her first. 8O Darn, I want to be the woman. It's easier that way.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. When I think of just continuing my friendship with Melissa, I feel that I am wasting an opportunity for discovery (learning about myself, in particular, and her as a partner). I don't want to have just friends (with girls) for my whole life because I am
afraid of being rejected. I don't live because of my fear. I want to live for the goals that I choose (i.e., to have a stable job, family, etc.) I don't want my fear to tell me what to do! I don't have problems making friends with women. My female friends outnumber my male friends. (Weird, huh? ) My problem is I want to tell Melissa that she is 'special' to me...but I hold back a because I am frightend of rejection.