the funnyfarmer
New member
Hi,
I mainly write this in order to see if there are others that have the same or similar symptoms, since -judging from the nature of my strange habits- there’s no question that I have OCD. It would just be damn nice to hear I’m not the only one with the problems that have been haunting me almost my whole life.
My OCD, even though I didn’t recognize it to be a disorder back then since I was only a child, started as harmlessly as that I had to put my games align on the shelf and when I had a problem that I couldn’t solve, I would write phrases and hang them on my walls and repeat them again and again until I could fix whatever was the cause of this urge. As the time passed by (I’m 22 now by the way), my routines have become more and more dominant in my everyday life; in the beginning, in every evening before exams, I had to repeat -in a very precise manner- phrases assuring me, that my loved ones are protected by what I call “the concept”, a highly complex and yet nonsense pile of “laws” that my loved ones can’t be hurt unless I expressly declare I want it so. Sounds strange? Yup, I told you it’s absolutely abstruse.
But soon it wasn’t only when I had exams, but also when a was in for a wank that my bad conscience forced me to do similar routines as well, and by now, those wank-routines have become so exhausting that I have almost totally abandoned that kind of activities (which breeds bad blood between my conscience and my libido ^^). Before long it wouldn’t be enough to just repeat phrases over and over again, but my sick mind would crave even more sacrifices of my dignity and so complex movements of my neck (following a complicated choreography which -of course- would be an unforgivable sin to ignore), accompanied by a knotty pattern of hyperventilation that not only put my mental, but also my physical health at stake, were added.
Did I mention that I also hit myself in the head with my fists when I had thoughts about my loved ones getting hurt(or just for the heck of it)? Of course any wall, table, closet or other kind of furniture would do as well; the possibilities of OCD are unlimited! Just use your imagination, and that’s what we unfortunately are best at. Meanwhile I think my social environment must have found out what I’m doing, since my compulsions force me to do it even louder and more obvious, as if I had to test my limits. And my compulsions aren’t limited to any specific situations anymore, I randomly feel the urge to fall for one of my dozens of habits, or I just create a new one, since who knows, if I don’t someone might be hurt.
The weird thing is, I also owe my disorder a lot; if it wouldn’t have been my ability to concentrate and my all-seeing conscience, I probably wouldn’t have been able to do so well in my medical studies and win several prizes in youth-science-competitions…. So no, im not stupid, just mental ill! I HATE IT!
Lately its rapidly getting worse, probably because I have got my semester break right now, and I just had to write to see if there are others out there experiencing the same (especially the hyperventilating seems quite unusual…)
Would be nice to hear from you…
I mainly write this in order to see if there are others that have the same or similar symptoms, since -judging from the nature of my strange habits- there’s no question that I have OCD. It would just be damn nice to hear I’m not the only one with the problems that have been haunting me almost my whole life.
My OCD, even though I didn’t recognize it to be a disorder back then since I was only a child, started as harmlessly as that I had to put my games align on the shelf and when I had a problem that I couldn’t solve, I would write phrases and hang them on my walls and repeat them again and again until I could fix whatever was the cause of this urge. As the time passed by (I’m 22 now by the way), my routines have become more and more dominant in my everyday life; in the beginning, in every evening before exams, I had to repeat -in a very precise manner- phrases assuring me, that my loved ones are protected by what I call “the concept”, a highly complex and yet nonsense pile of “laws” that my loved ones can’t be hurt unless I expressly declare I want it so. Sounds strange? Yup, I told you it’s absolutely abstruse.
But soon it wasn’t only when I had exams, but also when a was in for a wank that my bad conscience forced me to do similar routines as well, and by now, those wank-routines have become so exhausting that I have almost totally abandoned that kind of activities (which breeds bad blood between my conscience and my libido ^^). Before long it wouldn’t be enough to just repeat phrases over and over again, but my sick mind would crave even more sacrifices of my dignity and so complex movements of my neck (following a complicated choreography which -of course- would be an unforgivable sin to ignore), accompanied by a knotty pattern of hyperventilation that not only put my mental, but also my physical health at stake, were added.
Did I mention that I also hit myself in the head with my fists when I had thoughts about my loved ones getting hurt(or just for the heck of it)? Of course any wall, table, closet or other kind of furniture would do as well; the possibilities of OCD are unlimited! Just use your imagination, and that’s what we unfortunately are best at. Meanwhile I think my social environment must have found out what I’m doing, since my compulsions force me to do it even louder and more obvious, as if I had to test my limits. And my compulsions aren’t limited to any specific situations anymore, I randomly feel the urge to fall for one of my dozens of habits, or I just create a new one, since who knows, if I don’t someone might be hurt.
The weird thing is, I also owe my disorder a lot; if it wouldn’t have been my ability to concentrate and my all-seeing conscience, I probably wouldn’t have been able to do so well in my medical studies and win several prizes in youth-science-competitions…. So no, im not stupid, just mental ill! I HATE IT!
Lately its rapidly getting worse, probably because I have got my semester break right now, and I just had to write to see if there are others out there experiencing the same (especially the hyperventilating seems quite unusual…)Would be nice to hear from you…