Infected_Malignity said:
Hey everyone!
When I was on here earlier, I couldn't help but notice that almost everybody - those that are socially anxious, shy, nervous, etc - are all on the same page. Everybody seems to have the same collective problem. So, I typed something up. This is probably my last post here.
So as a goodbye to this awesome forum (you guys all rock!), I want to hand this off to you. This took me all day to complete, so I hope somebody finds it as useful as I did!
It's in a text document, because I figured it would be too long to post here. Good luck to all you guys!! Here's the link.
http://www.mediafire.com/?dlixbf2ttnx
Peace out everyone!!
There's a ton of shit you can do for yourself to get rid of your problem. But you know what?
Accepting yourself is probably the most important thing along the way. Do you ever find
yourself caring a lot about what others think of you in social situations? Do you often
over-analyze time spent with others? Saying, "Maybe I said the wrong thing!" or "What if
he/she thinks I'm a loser?" are common signs of looking to others for your own sense of
acceptance or security, and could be why you feel so bad. First of all, you have to
realize you're not alone. There's plenty of people who feel exactly the same way. You
know how hard it is to even engage in social activity when feeling this way - always
obsessing over whether they even like you or not, checking facial expressions and
constantly feeling like you're doing something wrong... What a bad habit to be in! Many
people will tell you "Oh, just accept yourself", but it doesn't always seem that easy!
Rarely will people tell you HOW to go about this - especially if you're feeling helpless
about it all - but today, I'd like to try to get YOU to see why it's so important - and
even how easy, if you put the right amount of effort into the right places!
So first of all, no, you're not an abnormality, rest assured.
No, you're not diseased. And MOST of all: you're not hopeless! You need to know something
right off the bat. As simple as it may seem, you must recognize that EVERYBODY has pros
and cons. So first of all, start accepting the fact that you're an equal. We're not in this
to achieve perfection, or even to gain the acceptance of others - we're here to realize
that the only way you're ever going to feel fulfilled on the inside, is not measured by
how many friends you have, not by how *good* your life may seem - it's about how you
feel about yourself inside. Some people go through life thinking, "If I get THIS job, or
this house, or if I make X amount of money, I'm going to be so happy!" but sadly enough,
whenever they DO get that job, or that house, car, husband, wife, etc - they usually come
to the realization that they're still not happy with themselves! Often times, shy people
and the socially anxious feel the same way about friends. Thinking that if you have boat
loads of friends who like you, then you're going to be a lot happier with yourself is just
a facade. Because in the end, you could have the whole world on your side - however, if
you fail to like yourself, you'll never actually FEEL any of it. Believe it or not, the
one person whose opinions matter most, are your own.
Some will say the only way to reach self acceptance is through accomplishment, but this is
also a very widely-believed lie. This can work for some, but what happens when this
"acheivement-high" wears off? You're still left alone with your thoughts about yourself.
This is a temporary escape, and an easy fix for the time being; but it's not going to
serve you well in the long run.
So when can you start? Right now. How can you do so? By accepting yourself, 100% (now, as
a pointer, I'd like to advise not getting "accepting yourself" confused with "trying to
accept yourself so that more people accept you". You have to be doing this for the right
reasons, or else you're going to fall down into that same old hole again)! That means,
you have to absolutely, no strings attached, feel real love for who you are. Forget what
you've done and what you've been through. Sit there, focus on the "Now" (the complete
separation of both past and future), and let your true, honest feelings flow. Accept them,
as they're yours. Feel your heart beat, and actually embrace this body you are - starting
from the internal processes - such as a heartbeat or the way you breathe - and work
your way out toward your personality, true feelings and every other thing about you that
you can think of. Because remember, you can't just accept simply *HALF* of or *SOME* of who
you are; you must accept yourself completely. No matter what ANYBODY else thinks of you!
One more thing I should mention - Never, ever, try to change yourself, other than what
you think about yourself. You are what you are - and there's some things you can change,
and others you can't. One thing you CAN change is how you view yourself. One thing you
CAN'T change is how others view YOU. So whatever you do, don't go out of your way to do so;
there will ALWAYS be people who like you, and there will ALWAYS be a few that don't. This
is another good reason why not to put your faith into others - you'll be going up and down,
and up and down, your entire life - because of the many different people that you'll meet
who have different opinions of you.
Okay, now I feel like I've been typing all day! Anyways, this has helped me more than
ANYTHING ever has in the past, and I'm confident that it can help YOU too, as long as you
work at it. But don't push it off - it can start now! Not after you land that job, or
have that significant other, or a ton of friends - but right now. It's your choice!
Good luck, you guys rock!!
