my intrusive thoughts and related compulsions?

[ocdisme]

i am so glad that i have finally found a sight where i can talk about this knd of thinf and not get dismissed as a freak. we arr not freaks, if anything it is the misunderstanding and ignorance of those around us and the closed atmosphare that doesn't allow us to TALK aout stuff that i guess is almost considered taboo.
BASICALLY .... i have these thoughts and i know i'm not alone coz i looked it up and researched it and all
i have horrible images of people i love being hurt, or me being hurt and to block them out i guess i have this manky habit of repetitively shaking my head when i think about it, i also order stuff and fold and just repeat stuff making sure it's right, trying to keep my mind occupied. you get me?
just wondered if any of you guys could tell me about your inttrusive thoughts and related compulsions coz i have been asked to put together an art project about my ocd for the national BP art award for young artists to raise awareness of what we are all going through and trying to recover from. Hopefully, if all goes well, the exhibition will raise enough money for mental health charities all over....
so yeah, i would really just like some more info about all these thoughts and what you guys end up doing as a reaction
thanks soooooo much appretiate it so much
love megoon
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Scottish_Player]

In what way can you turn our stories into art? are you talking about drawing art or just writting about it?

 

[ocdisme]

yes, i am planning a series of photos accompanied with overlapping text ect
i wanted to look at collaging effects in order to convey the complexity of this condition
i just really need to know...what is running through our minds when we wash our hands repetitively, apply and reapply make up, double check etc etc
i know what's running through my mind but i don't want this to be about me, i want to get a broarder understanding of OCD to encourage communication between both sufferers and simply the general public. I want people to understand that we are not simply neurotic but this is a recognised thing. you know?
so yeah, please just keep coming with the thoughts and things
thanks again
x

 

[ocdisme]

no no no, not useless atall!
absolutely fascinating. that is exactly what i was interested in too. i just wondered also...do these thoughts drive you into doing things that may be percieved as strange- soo, do you do anything in reaction to the thoughts?
i am gripped. thankyou so much
this is exactly what i was looking for...
tell me more!
xxxx

 

[ocdisme]

that is reallly interesting
religion. do you go to church or pray- how do you go about religion and do you mind me asking is it specific religion of just a general spiritualness?
and about canabis and alcohol...would you say you are addicted or is this a short term and occasional relief?
i get that with the physical pushing too. i like running,
do you di it compulsively or again, is it sort of something you occasionally do?
i get that with the improving thing, but i am so slow at reading and figure that by the end of a page i have been thinking about something totally different and have not absorbed anything especially recently i have found it hard to concentrate!

 

[Ana]

I would just like to say that I applaud you on trying to raise awarness about OCD!
I must say I'm not technicaly diagnosed but I ws talking with the docotor and he said I sounbd like I have severe OCD and the begining of depression because I am now 'home bound'.
I am currently trying to find help, so I have not been out of the house for a while. My life has stopped in it's tracks and I'm feeling really down.
Here's some of my compulsive acts...

1. Washing my hands until they bleed- I do this because of germs and chemicals, I'm afraid of getting them in my mouth.

2. Checking heating vents and rooms/locks. Continually looking out the window- I'm afraid of dying in a fire or being kidnapped/murdered.

3. I'm always asking people if things will be ok- I'm not entirely sure why I do this but it gives me a sence of security.

4. I also do things like extreme dieting, emotionaly beating my self up- I have an obsession with perfection. I do anythign to acheive this.

5. Extreme cleaning. Spending all my time cleaning up messes that aren't there- This makes me feel good. It's like a high that stops the thoughts for a few minutes.

6. Wearing baggy clothing- I feel as if my clothing will rip in public.

7. Using the washroom when not needed- I'm afraid of having to go when there isn't a washroom around.

These are a few of them.

My obsessive thoughts...

1. Cleaning. I'm always obsessing over this. I want to clean everything and anything, it doesn't matter if it's mine or not.

2. I'm terrified of being kidnapped and murdered. I know have nightmares almost every night of this. Also, when out of the house, I always stay away from people because I'm so scared of being kidnapped.

3. Dying in a fire. I think about this all the time. I think of ways I'd exscape from a room if there was a fire.

4. Not having enough money. I'm 16 and I literaly cry all the time because I'm afraid bills wont be payed. Our bills are always payed and we have many for the things we need but I still worry like nothing else.

5. Myself. I'm always thinking about what I'm doing and going to do. I beat myself up all the time about anything. Mainely that I'm not 'perfect'. Also if I say something dumb or do something dumb I repeat it in my head over and over again, like a nonstop movie.

Ok, that's enough blabbing for now.
Good luck with you project!

 

[MissingOut]

My obsession is putting on hand sanatizer, or spraying/wiping things down with lysol.
I'm still trying to learn how to distract myself from my compulsive thoughts which are, thinking things are germy or gross, afraid i will get a disease, and getting the germs in my body (like if i touch my mouth or something).
I also used marijiuana as a crutch. I would help me not to think about it so much and would help me not to worry and to feel normal for a little bit.
I started to become addicted but i made myself stop. I realized i was becoming too dependent on it and couldnt just be 'high' all the time to live a normal life.
Since i stopped things are harder, but i try everyday.

 

[MissingOut]

Oh yeah! I forgot i wanted to ask if you are going to post your picture when your done???
I hope i helped a little w/ your project.

 

[cheeseandrice]

Anna,

One way to fight OCD is to rationalize your thoughts. Of course this is easier said than done, but after you look at your OCD from a different view; you will eventually be able to change your way of thinking.

1.Washing my hands until they bleed- I do this because of germs and chemicals, I'm afraid of getting them in my mouth.

Washing your hands until they bleed will actually increase your likelihood of infection. The open sores are now exposed to bacteria and germs that would not normally be able to penetrate your skin.

So in fact washing your hands increases the likelihood of infection.

2. Checking heating vents and rooms/locks. Continually looking out the window- I'm afraid of dying in a fire or being kidnapped/murdered.

You aren’t able to check the room when you’re sleeping? Have you been murdered or the victim of a fire yet? Why is it ok to leave these things unchecked when your sleeping? You go long periods of time without checking while you sleep. Nothing has happened to you.

3. I'm always asking people if things will be ok- I'm not entirely sure why I do this but it gives me a sence of security.

Asking people if things will be ok has no bearing on the actuality of life. How do you know the people you ask are simply not telling you what you want to hear?

4. I also do things like extreme dieting, emotionaly beating my self up- I have an obsession with perfection. I do anythign to acheive this.

Do you spell check? You spelled emotionally, anything, and achieve wrong. I don’t say this to ridicule you. I simply point this out to show you that even if you have an obsession with perfection; you’re going to make mistakes.

I speak from experience.

I once drove 15 miles back to work because I thought I spelled a word wrong in one of my reports.

5. Extreme cleaning. Spending all my time cleaning up messes that aren't there- This makes me feel good. It's like a high that stops the thoughts for a few minutes.

Nothing wrong with extreme cleaning. If cleaning gives you relief from your thoughts; you should continue to clean. You might want to consider listening to music while you clean or exchange some of your cleaning with exercise.

6. Wearing baggy clothing- I feel as if my clothing will rip in public.

Ever rip you cloths off in public before? OCD has a way of grabbing things and making the ridiculous plausible in your mind. Sit down and just think of how many times you’ve been in public and have not ripped your cloths off.

7. Using the washroom when not needed- I'm afraid of having to go when there isn't a washroom around.

Wait, you’re afraid of germs, yet will continually go into a bathroom because of your fear of incontinence? See how OCD will trick you into doing things that you’re already afraid of?

If I could suggest anything, I’d suggest you take at least a half hour of your day and research OCD. It doesn’t matter if you’ve read the material before. Keep reading it. Do google searches and read everything you can about OCD. You will initially experience a whole host of feelings and anxiety. This is normal. You need to push yourself a little bit each time until you realize your OCD thoughts are irrational and the thoughts are contradictory in nature.

Your OCD monster of course hates this and will do everything in its power to fight you. There will be a day however that you will beat this monster and the thoughts will not have the impact on you that they used to. When you reach that day; you will have a new outlook on life.

Good luck and keep up the good fight. You can beat this, but it takes a lot of hard work. I have had OCD for my entire life. I was like you at one time and it was like a car wreck every day. I finally got sick of it and started researching this illness until I had the realization that the thoughts just didn’t pack as much punch as they used to.

I still have the thoughts, but I deal with them much differently today.

Regards,

Cheese and rice

 

[Musicocd]

1. Checking, checking and checking again that my door is unlocked when I go to bed. I'm afraid I'll lock it and not remember that I've done so and if there's a fire then I won't be able to get out.

2. Evenly spacing items in straight lines and into symmetrical patterns. They can't touch the sides of the thing they're on, such as a table, but they have to be just the right distance away.

3. Avoiding cracks in the pavement. I think I'll fail my exams if I step on a crack. It's stupid, because I'm not supersticious and I think people who are are fools!

4. Walking 4 or 8 number of steps before changing surfaces. Never 6 because 6 divided by 2 is 3 which means it's not a real even number. My feet have to go in the order r-l-l-r-l-r-r-l-l-r-r-l-r-l-l-r of which one steps on the new surface first. If you look at it written down and cut it in half it forms a symmetrical pattern, which is why it's that order.

5. Counting. From 1-8 in the same pattern as above, but I'll repeat that one 4 or 8 times meaning I count to God knows what number a few times a day.

6. Shutting doors. I can't stand it if doors are left open. Doors exist to be shut, so shut them when you leave or enter a room!

7. Repeating words. If someone says a word that my ocd decides to latch onto I'll have to repeat it 4 times. Well, actually 3 times but if you add their 1 on then it's 4 all together.

8. Sorry, there's no 8, but I couldn't stop on 7.

My obsessions are absolutely nothing to do with my compulsions. It's not like the, 'my hands are dirty' so you wash them. It's more, 'there's a cat, I should kill it. No, how could I think such a horrible thing?'...count to 8 in the pattern above to get rid of the thought.

I also have fears that I'll turn a steering wheel into on coming traffic and I'll die in a horrible crash. I visualise my death every time I get in a car, bus or train. When in my lessons I'll randomly think 'did I just punch the person next to me?' I'll look around to see if anyone's looking at me weirdly and if they are I'll think, 'oh I must have punched them' but I can't quite convince myself that I have so I'll tap the desk 8 times in the same pattern.

Sorry it was so long my lovelys!