My gf of 2 months broke up with me last night

[Solitario]

I should have known something was up when she called me around 9:30pm last night and asked if she could come over. I asked if she was in the area (by my place), and she said 'no' that she was near her house (about 20 minutes away from me). She'd never called me wanting to come over on a weeknight. I didn't think anything of it, however. When she came to my door and I tried to take her hand, she pulled away and said "we need to talk about some things" and that's when I knew what was up.

She told me she knew the relationship wasn't going to work out and that she didn't want to waste our time by dragging it on. She said her friends told her if she knew it wasn't going to work out, that she should go ahead and end the relationship now. Thing is, she burst into tears while she was telling me this and sobbed the whole time she was at my place. She even told me she cried during the entire drive over to my place. Surprisingly, I took it pretty well... at first. I was calm and understanding. I played it cool and it didn't bother me too much then. If someone saw us, they would have thought *I* was breaking up with her.

We talked a little about our differences and whether or not it was a good idea to end it. She said that she felt no "spark" with me, but was really worried that she was doing the wrong thing. I told her if that's how she felt, then it is a good idea to end it. She also said our life goals were a bit different (I told her a few weeks ago that I didn't want to move away from this city and she told me she wanted to move back home some day). She was really upset the whole time, man, I don't know if she was really that affected by breaking up with me or if she is just a very emotional person. I didn't want to drag the conversation on too long, so I stood up (we were both sitting on the couch) and she said "You want me to go?!". Sorry, but 'yeah', I did want her to go. We hugged and she said she was going to miss me. Then I said something that maybe I shouldn't have said. I told her that "I'm probably not the first guy whose heart you've ripped out" and she started crying more, but I told her I was joking (which I was... not sure why I said that...maybe, subconsciously, I wanted to get a hit in), and then kissed her. Then she left.

As soon as she left, I still felt ok, but I knew depression would set in, so I drank two beers and went to sleep. Of course I woke up a 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. I wasn't bothered by it last night, but this whole day has sucked. I was depressed and extremely anxious all day. I couldn't wait to get home from work and type this up (and drink some more ).

Even though we only dated for 2 months, it was pretty intense. We saw each other a few times a week and were pretty physical. It felt like it was a lot longer than 2 months- even she said so. This is, by far, the most intense relationship I've ever been in. During it, I didn't feel the need to read any of the shyness websites I usually look at. Not that I thought I was too good for them, but because I felt I had found a way to circumvent my shyness and actually be able to get a gf. Now I feel like I just got lucky with her, that she is one of the few would would tolerate by shyness and introverted personality for as long as she did.

Looking at the situation objectively as possible, her breaking up with me really was the best thing. The real reason there was no 'spark' is because I'm a boring person and don't have much to talk about. There were a bunch of times when we'd be driving or walking or whatever and we didn't have anything to talk about. She is very outgoing, but I just could never think of anything to talk about. This has always been my problem in relationships. I mean in *every single one*. I just don't have anything to talk about. I don't see how other people come up with stuff to talk about all the time. I realise that most dates you go out on are not going to turn into anything serious, but it just seems like *EVERY* relationship I attempt ends because I'm boring.

I'm going to try and be positive about this. I want to look at this relationship as a learning experience. It used to be impossible for me to ask a girl out and now I'm past that. Then I didn't really know how to date, but I'm a little better at that now. So maybe I can get something out of this. I need to learn how to talk about random stuff. I need to become more of a talker. Not change my whole personality (which is impossible), but I need to be more exciting and expressive.

Ok, sorry for the long post. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks.

Solitario

 

[youareimportant]

Be happy you have the ability to get a gf and ask girls out. Many of us can't even do that.

Sorry about your loss though, must suck really bad.

 

[kiosan]

Hey, don't forget! You are not the only person who has loved and lost that love. You are in good company, beleive me. Quite literally, hundreds of thousands of men and woman, perhaps even millions, are suffering from a wounded heart, from regret, and all those broken hearted things.

Just stay focused on Recovery! Stay focused on your goals, and even though it hurts deeply. Always remember that you are not the only one in the world suffering from a broken heart right now. it happens everyday.

 

[Solitario]

Hey, don't forget! You are not the only person who has loved and lost that love. You are in good company, beleive me. Quite literally, hundreds of thousands of men and woman, perhaps even millions, are suffering from a wounded heart, from regret, and all those broken hearted things.

Just stay focused on Recovery! Stay focused on your goals, and even though it hurts deeply. Always remember that you are not the only one in the world suffering from a broken heart right now. it happens everyday.

I know. Part is just standard depression, but part is the knowledge that I don't have the people skills to even be in a relationship. I can't talk. I don't know why this is. I feel like I'll never be in a successful relationship. I'm 32 already and have been out with less than 10 girls my entire life. I had this 2 month relationship and another 3 month relationship and all the other ones were a month or less. Pathetic. I need a drink.

 

[steviegerrard489]

Well at least you had two months which is 2 months more than some people here have ever had in their lives!

I know how you feel though. My last and only proper gf lasted about 1 month and ended for similar reasons.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

I'm going to try and be positive about this. I want to look at this relationship as a learning experience. It used to be impossible for me to ask a girl out and now I'm past that. Then I didn't really know how to date, but I'm a little better at that now. So maybe I can get something out of this. I need to learn how to talk about random stuff. I need to become more of a talker. Not change my whole personality (which is impossible), but I need to be more exciting and expressive.

Well, it sounds like you have a good attitude about the whole thing. It seems like you're making progress. A lot of people can't even get up the nerve to ask girls out.

She was really upset the whole time, man, I don't know if she was really that affected by breaking up with me or if she is just a very emotional person.

I know two months isn't a really long time, but you should probably know something about her emotional state after dating that long, especially if you see each other a few times a week. You might want to "drill down" on that on the next gf you have. Get to know that side of her. If she knows you're interested in her feelings, she'll feel more of a connection and maybe you'll get more of that "spark".

I'm 32 already and have been out with less than 10 girls my entire life.

If it makes you feel any better, you're way ahead of a lot of us. Good luck in the future.

 

[kiosan]

I know. Part is just standard depression, but part is the knowledge that I don't have the people skills to even be in a relationship. I can't talk. I don't know why this is. I feel like I'll never be in a successful relationship. I'm 32 already and have been out with less than 10 girls my entire life. I had this 2 month relationship and another 3 month relationship and all the other ones were a month or less. Pathetic. I need a drink.

Hey Man, you're preaching to choir. Beleive me, I know how you feel. I suffer everday with Social Anxiety, I'm constantly stumbling, constantly making a fool of myself, constantly slipping into those weird states of mind where I feel outside of myself, just because I'm having a one on one with somebody I don't know well.

And look, I'm 29. And there's a few things I'm beginning to learn and accept. For instance, it sucks to suffer for so long, and to lose so many years of your life to mental health problem. it sucks to lose so many women, opportunites, and friends, because you can't function in a normal? social envrionment. But here's the thing:

1. 32 is not old, and it is not too late to seek good treatment, professional and self-help. We all have it within us, I'm just realizing now that I do. And I know you do too. And moreover, 32 is not old. We all need to get better and enjoy all the years we have left.

2. 32 is not old. I'm29, and you say 32 like it's a bad thing. Stop making me feel old :lol:

3. Though you probably don't want to hear this, Drinking will not help. I heard that 20% of us, SAD sufferers, take to drinking to self medicate. What we need is to devote ourselves, heart and soul, 100% to recovery, and make it and everyday part of our life.

You've probably seen this site, but it's helping me already: http://www.anxieties.com/sap.php

 

[Solitario]

She was really upset the whole time, man, I don't know if she was really that affected by breaking up with me or if she is just a very emotional person.

I know two months isn't a really long time, but you should probably know something about her emotional state after dating that long, especially if you see each other a few times a week. You might want to "drill down" on that on the next gf you have. Get to know that side of her. If she knows you're interested in her feelings, she'll feel more of a connection and maybe you'll get more of that "spark".

This is really what I need to work on. I need to find out how to connect to people emotionally, but I don't really know how to talk to people at this level. What questions to ask, what experiences to bring up.[/b]

 

[Ventrilo]

heh, what i'd give to trade places with you.......

 

[roseycheeks]

Solitario, sorry to hear about your breakup
bottom line is that they always suck.
however, i think it's great that you can atleast see some positives coming out of the whole experience.

just wondering do you find it hard to initiate convo? or is it more having to talk about yourself? when im feeling akward in a situaion, and dont know what to talk about, i try to deflect the conversation onto the other person.. ask questions. act interested. people love talking about themselves. usually when you do that converstaio nwill flow, and branch out into other areas, and once that happens usually you can ease your way into discussion.

 

[Solitario]

Solitario, sorry to hear about your breakup
bottom line is that they always suck.
however, i think it's great that you can atleast see some positives coming out of the whole experience.

just wondering do you find it hard to initiate convo? or is it more having to talk about yourself? when im feeling akward in a situaion, and dont know what to talk about, i try to deflect the conversation onto the other person.. ask questions. act interested. people love talking about themselves. usually when you do that converstaio nwill flow, and branch out into other areas, and once that happens usually you can ease your way into discussion.

I find it very hard to initiation conversation. I think that is my biggest problem. I can ask a girl out (via email, of course). I can handle a first date (plenty of questions to ask since you don't know the person that well). I can handle the physical aspect (I got more experience from this girl than from all the other girls I've ever dated combined). I talked to my ex today on the phone about why we broke up. Basically, it can be narrowed down to "I don't have anything to talk about" I can't make conversation. She even told me "I feel like everything was ok when we were hanging out at my place or with other people, but the problem was when it was the two of us going out". This *is* the problem. I can't think of much to say while we're driving in the car or walking around in public. If I can solve this, I think I will be fine in the dating arena. But this is no easy fix. I'm boring. I'm not a good story teller. I'm not good at bringing up something to talk about. I can ask questions and all that, that's easy, but that only gets you so far. In fact, asking questions is what I did most of the time to start conversation, but I feel that it felt contrived to her since it was all I ever did.

 

[madeup]

I'm sorry about your pain man. It hurts to get broken up with I know. I hope you feel better.

 

[caitlynx]

I think it's pretty cool that you're taking this as a learning experience and that you've identified what you need to work on for yourself. As for being boring: you wrote a really eloquent post which means you've got a lot to say - it shows you're not a boring person. It's probably the small talk, conversation flow, stuff like that that you want to work on. My only suggestion is to try to approach it like: if you're walking down the street with someone and you want to talk, don't think "what should I say, what should I talk about?" because if you approach it like that you'll just stress out and come up with "contrived" things to say. Instead try to tap into what you're actually thinking/observing at that time and express the thoughts and observations aloud.