alexjames09
New member
I just joined this forum and have been browsing the posts. I wanted to share my story with my bout of panic attacks.
When I was 18 years old I suffered from a very bad broken heart. My brother had taken the girl i was in love with. I took it VERY hard for a few years. Over these few years I began to abuse certain drugs. I was still heart broken so I didn't care about the side effects.
It was unlike me to even smoke a cigarette before all of this! Anyway, i ended up in a bad living situation, lost tons of weight (skin and bones!) and was getting worse.
One day after leaving a friends house of mine, I was driving down a 4 lane highway. The front of my forehead began to have a strange feeling. My breathing got a bit more labored. I fought off thoughts of "brain bleeding" which i convinced myself was happening in my head. I some how believed that because of the abuse of drugs that the strange feeling on my forehead was blood pooling from the abuse i had put my brain through....
I dont know why i believed it, but i suppose someone here would understand the strange thoughts that lead you to panic attacks. Anyway, my vision went extremely blurry and it was at night... on a highway. I was on the far left lane and could not see any cars around me (just blurred lights). I had to force myself to pull over four lanes into a U-Haul parking lot.
I was "lucky" enough to know what was about to happen to me... even though it really never happened before. My mother had panic disorder as well.
I suddenly starting sweating and feeling like every nerve in my body was in so much pain. I felt so nausous but could not throw up of course.
I had to get out of my car. It took me 5 minutes to find the door handle. I fell out of the door trying to find the ground. I bruised my forehead pretty badly. I was hoping to go unconscious until this ended at this point.
Then things got a bit weirder. As i layed on the ground, staring at the cars passing on the freeway (my vision just as blurry) i began to get the "disconnected" feeling. I started to look at those cars, feeling as if i was an alien and that I had no relation to any of these human beings.
Thoughts raced through my mind. I felt that everyone on this earth were just shells of human beings- as if god didn't exist and that humans were nothing more then a bunch of electricity firing off in their brains which fooled them into thinking they were of any importance... when in fact they were just useless machine like robots.
Very strange i know. This pattern repeated itself for about a year afterwards. While I never had a panic attack as bad as that one since, i had many "medium" sized panic attacks in which the same type of thoughts raced through my mind.
I felt very very alone... as if i was the only person on this earth, and without even a god watching over me. Thats how the panic made me feel.
I dealt with this on and off for a little over a year. Each year since my panic has gotten less and less. I havent had a panic attack in over 5 years! I dont even see myself having one again though I know its possible.
I felt so different after the first one and i thought i would NEVER be the same. The truth was for me that i slowly began feeling more and more "healthy" and less panicky with les and less anxiety over the years.
I know some people have had panic attacks for many years but for me it feels like it has gone away COMPLETELY! If you have just started having panic attacks- that doesnt mean you will for the rest of your life.
It takes a change. A change in how you live and deal with your panic attacks. For me i just had to accept them- which made it a bit better. I didn't fight it or deny it. I also began taking steps to control my life.
I realized that the more i feel in control of my life and my future, the less anxiety i had. When I finally felt half as in control of my life as i did before all of this- the panic attacks stopped. I felt better and better as each month and year passed.
I never took any medication for it and never got professional help!
I will say, strangely enough though- the only thing i still get is that strange feeling on my forehead when I think back to that experience. It isn't scary at all now that i know it is only in my head
Well anyway, I'm not sure if that would give anyone any hope- but i know if i had seen someone say "it went away after awhile" when i first had it- i would of felt a whole lot better... even if they said it took 10 years!
When I was 18 years old I suffered from a very bad broken heart. My brother had taken the girl i was in love with. I took it VERY hard for a few years. Over these few years I began to abuse certain drugs. I was still heart broken so I didn't care about the side effects.
It was unlike me to even smoke a cigarette before all of this! Anyway, i ended up in a bad living situation, lost tons of weight (skin and bones!) and was getting worse.
One day after leaving a friends house of mine, I was driving down a 4 lane highway. The front of my forehead began to have a strange feeling. My breathing got a bit more labored. I fought off thoughts of "brain bleeding" which i convinced myself was happening in my head. I some how believed that because of the abuse of drugs that the strange feeling on my forehead was blood pooling from the abuse i had put my brain through....
I dont know why i believed it, but i suppose someone here would understand the strange thoughts that lead you to panic attacks. Anyway, my vision went extremely blurry and it was at night... on a highway. I was on the far left lane and could not see any cars around me (just blurred lights). I had to force myself to pull over four lanes into a U-Haul parking lot.
I was "lucky" enough to know what was about to happen to me... even though it really never happened before. My mother had panic disorder as well.
I suddenly starting sweating and feeling like every nerve in my body was in so much pain. I felt so nausous but could not throw up of course.
I had to get out of my car. It took me 5 minutes to find the door handle. I fell out of the door trying to find the ground. I bruised my forehead pretty badly. I was hoping to go unconscious until this ended at this point.
Then things got a bit weirder. As i layed on the ground, staring at the cars passing on the freeway (my vision just as blurry) i began to get the "disconnected" feeling. I started to look at those cars, feeling as if i was an alien and that I had no relation to any of these human beings.
Thoughts raced through my mind. I felt that everyone on this earth were just shells of human beings- as if god didn't exist and that humans were nothing more then a bunch of electricity firing off in their brains which fooled them into thinking they were of any importance... when in fact they were just useless machine like robots.
Very strange i know. This pattern repeated itself for about a year afterwards. While I never had a panic attack as bad as that one since, i had many "medium" sized panic attacks in which the same type of thoughts raced through my mind.
I felt very very alone... as if i was the only person on this earth, and without even a god watching over me. Thats how the panic made me feel.
I dealt with this on and off for a little over a year. Each year since my panic has gotten less and less. I havent had a panic attack in over 5 years! I dont even see myself having one again though I know its possible.
I felt so different after the first one and i thought i would NEVER be the same. The truth was for me that i slowly began feeling more and more "healthy" and less panicky with les and less anxiety over the years.
I know some people have had panic attacks for many years but for me it feels like it has gone away COMPLETELY! If you have just started having panic attacks- that doesnt mean you will for the rest of your life.
It takes a change. A change in how you live and deal with your panic attacks. For me i just had to accept them- which made it a bit better. I didn't fight it or deny it. I also began taking steps to control my life.
I realized that the more i feel in control of my life and my future, the less anxiety i had. When I finally felt half as in control of my life as i did before all of this- the panic attacks stopped. I felt better and better as each month and year passed.
I never took any medication for it and never got professional help!
I will say, strangely enough though- the only thing i still get is that strange feeling on my forehead when I think back to that experience. It isn't scary at all now that i know it is only in my head
Well anyway, I'm not sure if that would give anyone any hope- but i know if i had seen someone say "it went away after awhile" when i first had it- i would of felt a whole lot better... even if they said it took 10 years!