My daily lusts for other women

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
So, I've been married for ten months. It's a long story but I had an arranged marriage as is quite common in South Asian cultures.

My wife is not with me at present as I arrange visa arrangements but my low, dark mood involving mood swings, irritable, not wanting to engage with family and work colleagues - some of these are not new.

I guess part of it is anxiety due to my impending marriage life and the arrival of my wife if things go OK. My mind is wracked with anxiety in terms of the responsibility of looking after and I haven't got a clue on most things in terms of day to day duties. I have driving anxiety so no car and I fear she'll be left disappointed when I continue living my normal, reclusive life and she's expecting more and I'll be like "well, this IS me".

Secondly, for many years, I've had a lust of beautiful women if I'm out and about and this has carried on post marriage. I make no attempt to hide my attraction to pretty women on my travels to work and back, having thoughts of a sexual nature. I try to walk past a shop where there is a pretty little waitress or making eye contact with this girl on the train who is gorgeous. Finally, having thoughts of my marriage breaking down in divorce (weirdly, I kinda think if that happened it'd be... OK?!) or my wife may pass away leaving me with a child (actually had a dream where the first part did happen) and I just don't know if I'll be able to make my marriage work with the way my mind works and riddle with anxiety.

I've tried to explain this through emails explaining my anxiety and depression (used both words) but she didn't really ask questions further so I could explain how it affects me.

Sometimes I think and wish I could go back to not being married...
 
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