nanna
New member
First of all ; Thanks to everybody for shearing your feelings, you all helped me a lot.
My boyfriend, has social phobia and I hope someone could help me out how to act around him. We are both adults (45+) and after finding this forum, and reading for the last 4-5 months, I’ve learned a lot about how he must feel, but we still have some problems. I think this forum is the reason for not giving up on him in the first place. I have "known" him as a school-friend of my husband for 25years, but he was shy, so we never really talked, but 6 years ago when my husband died leaving me with our 3 children, he kind of put his shyness aside, and helped us out much more than anyone could expect. He kept on being helpful and always no matter what ore when the following years, and 3 years ago, when I gave up on the big place we live, he came up with the plan of him renting some rooms, and moving in helping even more. At this point I felt like he was doing much more than I could accept, but he insisted that he would be better off in the countryside, and he talked me in to it. Half a year later, he moved in, and already there I was falling for him, but was confused if it was me being grateful , so I dodged the feelings as best as I could. Half a year later, he finally made a move, and he just swept me of my feet’s making me the most happy person in the world.
We had the following year lots of up but more downs, but looking back he only freaked out being afraid ore panicking when friends of mine ore my children came around. I also didn’t get it when he didn’t want to go anywhere with me (cinema, shopping, anywhere) he told he was to busy ore made up excuses. For the last few months I came to understand why, so things are pretty much getting lots better, but he still is very shy around me, and kind of freeze when I touch him (ex: Hand on shoulder when bringing him coffee ) We have separate bedrooms and even if he was the one suggesting us to sleep together, he still hasn’t “found the time” to put up the bed we got a year ago.
So if any of you have suggesting to how I should be around him to make him feel more secure, please tell me. I know it’s a lifetime relationship so I am in no hurry, but I would love to get a hug now and then, and starting of getting more intimate both talking and physical.
My boyfriend, has social phobia and I hope someone could help me out how to act around him. We are both adults (45+) and after finding this forum, and reading for the last 4-5 months, I’ve learned a lot about how he must feel, but we still have some problems. I think this forum is the reason for not giving up on him in the first place. I have "known" him as a school-friend of my husband for 25years, but he was shy, so we never really talked, but 6 years ago when my husband died leaving me with our 3 children, he kind of put his shyness aside, and helped us out much more than anyone could expect. He kept on being helpful and always no matter what ore when the following years, and 3 years ago, when I gave up on the big place we live, he came up with the plan of him renting some rooms, and moving in helping even more. At this point I felt like he was doing much more than I could accept, but he insisted that he would be better off in the countryside, and he talked me in to it. Half a year later, he moved in, and already there I was falling for him, but was confused if it was me being grateful , so I dodged the feelings as best as I could. Half a year later, he finally made a move, and he just swept me of my feet’s making me the most happy person in the world.
We had the following year lots of up but more downs, but looking back he only freaked out being afraid ore panicking when friends of mine ore my children came around. I also didn’t get it when he didn’t want to go anywhere with me (cinema, shopping, anywhere) he told he was to busy ore made up excuses. For the last few months I came to understand why, so things are pretty much getting lots better, but he still is very shy around me, and kind of freeze when I touch him (ex: Hand on shoulder when bringing him coffee ) We have separate bedrooms and even if he was the one suggesting us to sleep together, he still hasn’t “found the time” to put up the bed we got a year ago.
So if any of you have suggesting to how I should be around him to make him feel more secure, please tell me. I know it’s a lifetime relationship so I am in no hurry, but I would love to get a hug now and then, and starting of getting more intimate both talking and physical.
