Zarrix
Well-known member
Claws of the social behemoth.
This is the blog of Zarrix. I intend to share my thoughts here, on varying topics, I need a place where I can express, as I find it hard to express my thoughts and emotions in the real world.
You can't crack a joke to save your life, The horrors of people staring at you, you do something awful because your sub-conscious switches from the task at hand to the judgements of people around you. Someone's doing something wrong, but its not right to tell them that, because they will hate you. You can't talk to that pretty girl, your body just freezes, or begins to make awkward movements.
Some days can be okay, things will simply happen, other days you can't wait until the midnight moon. You want something positive to happen to you socially because you can't make something positive happen. You try to impress certain 'superiors' but you end up looking like a complete idiot. You always say the wrong thing, you can't conjure any emotion to random conversation.
Saying hello to someone uses up so much energy, it costs a gale for a breeze, it can't be heard. Saying thankyou is pure hell, because you think they won't take it on board, a task complete for you isn't worthy of a thanks. You try and figure out everything yourself, help is the last thing you seek, it makes you look like an inferior.
You avoid all potential catastrophes you can, interaction is like a mine in a field that will inevitably blow up in your face. You're afraid of your fear, this fear makes you look even more horrendous.
The thoughts that go through your head use enough energy to power a metropolis. It only consists of "How am I being judged?" "How did that last social situation go". You analyze it, going over every gritty detail, looking for a negative aspect. Find one, and it occupies your mind for the entire day. Obsessions are the order of the day. Ambitions which are met with such optimism when alone dwindle to vile pessimism when D-day comes.
Salvation, you must salvage an hour, something might happen today. You go to work way too early just to try and meet these goals, which are like candy dangling from a rope above you, slowly lifting as your reach gets taller. The ambition is there, the execution is not, the brain blocks every potential danger from ever occuring, but is it the blockage causing more harm. I know this is the case, but I cannot believe that.
Nothing is easy for me once you leave the oasis which is your own home. The world and its inhabitants are hostile, seeing you as a creature with no use in the network. This blog isn't my true thoughts, the dictator in my mind has censored a lot of material, to prevent further humility. This is my world, I live it everyday, unable to charge away from the claws of the behemothic social beast which seems like an insect to everyone else. Welcome to the world of Social Anxiety.
Some of this you will have no idea about, due to context of course, but anyway.
This is the blog of Zarrix. I intend to share my thoughts here, on varying topics, I need a place where I can express, as I find it hard to express my thoughts and emotions in the real world.
You can't crack a joke to save your life, The horrors of people staring at you, you do something awful because your sub-conscious switches from the task at hand to the judgements of people around you. Someone's doing something wrong, but its not right to tell them that, because they will hate you. You can't talk to that pretty girl, your body just freezes, or begins to make awkward movements.
Some days can be okay, things will simply happen, other days you can't wait until the midnight moon. You want something positive to happen to you socially because you can't make something positive happen. You try to impress certain 'superiors' but you end up looking like a complete idiot. You always say the wrong thing, you can't conjure any emotion to random conversation.
Saying hello to someone uses up so much energy, it costs a gale for a breeze, it can't be heard. Saying thankyou is pure hell, because you think they won't take it on board, a task complete for you isn't worthy of a thanks. You try and figure out everything yourself, help is the last thing you seek, it makes you look like an inferior.
You avoid all potential catastrophes you can, interaction is like a mine in a field that will inevitably blow up in your face. You're afraid of your fear, this fear makes you look even more horrendous.
The thoughts that go through your head use enough energy to power a metropolis. It only consists of "How am I being judged?" "How did that last social situation go". You analyze it, going over every gritty detail, looking for a negative aspect. Find one, and it occupies your mind for the entire day. Obsessions are the order of the day. Ambitions which are met with such optimism when alone dwindle to vile pessimism when D-day comes.
Salvation, you must salvage an hour, something might happen today. You go to work way too early just to try and meet these goals, which are like candy dangling from a rope above you, slowly lifting as your reach gets taller. The ambition is there, the execution is not, the brain blocks every potential danger from ever occuring, but is it the blockage causing more harm. I know this is the case, but I cannot believe that.
Nothing is easy for me once you leave the oasis which is your own home. The world and its inhabitants are hostile, seeing you as a creature with no use in the network. This blog isn't my true thoughts, the dictator in my mind has censored a lot of material, to prevent further humility. This is my world, I live it everyday, unable to charge away from the claws of the behemothic social beast which seems like an insect to everyone else. Welcome to the world of Social Anxiety.
Some of this you will have no idea about, due to context of course, but anyway.
