My anxiety - getting worse

[bugsy]

Hi I posted this on another forum, but seems to be quite, quiet. So I thought I would post here, because there seems to be a lot more user interaction on here.

-----------------

Hello,

I'm a first time poster

I guess I'm here because I need some help.

Over the last six years my anxiety is getting worse and worse.
I'm a terrible picker of my skin and I go through real bouts of it. Does anyone else have this problem? God I have done it since I've been 14 and I just can't or don't want to control it. When I'm doing it I'm almost in a trance like state, so I don't even feel anything or consciously know I'm doing it. I have been know to do it for two hours.

Anyway, my anxiety has multiplied into other areas, like I get anxious when I need to talk to people on the phone, mostly people in high authority.

I have a real problem with with people that are in high authority, when I'm around these type of people I just freeze and I want to run away as fast as I can. This has really started to have an impact for me, especially because at the moment I am looking for work. I can't express myself clearly enough in interviews, which I know people will say is pretty normal, but I stutter and can't think of words and then I think of simpler words to replace the words that I have just began to speak about.

This is another thing that I have noticed become worse in the last year or two. I'm stuttering my words around people I'm not comfortable around, because I think I can't pronounce the word, or that I don't have the right word, so I pause and think of a new word. Which makes me look really silly.

Now I'm a designer (and I know I'm quite a good one) and I need to be able to convey my thoughts to people who are interviewing. So what's happening is that I'm not able to convey my thoughts and so I'm losing out on jobs, even though my works great - doesn't matter, I need to be able to communicate clearly, which I'm not doing at the moment.

This is where I'm starting to get really down with myself. I can just see myself working as a cleaner, because I so full of anxiety that I can't cope with the pressures of high paced, powerful jobs.

I'm also very anxious about writing. I personally feel I can't write very well. I'm fine with conversational type writing, but anything to do with letters, coverletters, reports, scripts etc I freak out about. I can spend a whole day on a cover letter and not get very far. I just get so frutrated with myself, that I can't clearly convey what I want to write, or express my sentences in a proffesional, clear way.

I'm also confused to what I actually have, is at anxiety, add, depression.

The reason why I say ADD, is that I am terribly messy. Like awful can't see my floor in my house or in my car. I'm not very organised at all. I'm also always very fugitive, like I have can't stay in the one place for too long. Though I wonder if these symtoms could be more linked with anxiety. I'm sometimes am not sure what's the right diagnosis for me. I don't get major physical symptoms, like not being able to breath, feel ill, sweat etc I do get migraines though, when stressed.

I guess the major thing that is worrying me at the moment is the interviews. I have an interview on Monday at a place I really want to work at and I don't want to botch it up. What's making me more anxious is that my friend actually got me the interview and might even be in the interview room and for him to see me stuttter and not being able to express myself clearly will be so embarrassing. What can I do?

I did take Effexor about 6 years ago for a month or so and it really helped me. At the time it was taken for my anxiety and also I was depressed. The depression has lifted since then and never has come back, but the anxiety after going off the effexor was a lot worse. After going off Effexor I realized I became a lot more messier, than before I was on it. Is this common, to get worse symptoms after going off Effexor? So now I'm definetly contemplating going back on an anxiety pill. It's just all getting a bit too much for me, and my confidence is going down the gurgler.

I'm not understanding where I get all these fears from. My life growing up wasn't too bad, I don't remember anything too unusual about my life. I know I was a fairly sensitive child. My parents did argue a lot and I absolutely hated it, and the feelings that I got inside me when they fought is the same feeling I get when I'm in an interview or if someone is rude to me.

There are other things, that helped elevate my anxiety in my 20's like my dad being diagnosed with bipolar and acting like a psyco (after being such a normal father).

So what should I do? Do you think I should ask to go back on meds? Have they helped you a lot. I know when I was on Effexor, I was much more neater and organised and wasn't so anxious and worried. It just kind of made me switch off, which was what I didn't like. But now I'm getting quite concerned with all the anxiety issues becoming worse and worse, that I think I need to bite the bullet.

What's you thoughts?

 

[BornAgain]

I know it sounds kind of harsh man, but since you're new, I should tell you: most people here don't care about your or anybody else's problems, they just like to talk about themselves. If you are here to get help, this probably isn't the best place to go. Especially since your post is really long, at least for some, you have like a 10% chance of getting a response. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. Fortunately, there's people like me who help, as wel as ask for help.


I'll just answer your questions question-by-question, if you know what I mean, and I'll ask a couple of my own.

I don't pick my skin. How old are you now? Wow, for hours, huh? I guess this is that kind of thing where you really have to pay attention to yourself and get used to not picking your skin, although this is a long tedious and drawn-out process that will be a pain in the ass without the catalyst of some sort of drug.

I don't get anxious when talking to people on the phone, but I do get kind of self-conscious sometimes, but not exactly insecure, you know? When it comes to high authority, I have always had a big problem with authority, so I have high confidence towards them and do not like to take shit from bosses. Maybe you should be like that, too: just don't give a shit about what someone tells you to do, just follow what you would do. If it happens to be what that person told you to do then so be it, you decided that on your own.

There's one thing I have in common with you: sometimes when I talk around people, I feel that I am not clear or am not pronouncing the words correctly because people often ask me to repeat myself, which by the way is EXTREMELY annoying, and if they don't ask me to repeat myself, I can almost see them "straining" to understand what I'm saying.

That's cool, what kinda designer are you? I hate how these days to be successful, you have to have supreme social skills. Its bullshit if you ask me, but whatever.

I would say you are having mild anxiety and acute ADD, if at all (ADD). If you can't pay attention during things, then you may have ADD. As with the depression it really depends on how you feel about these problems, do they make you depressed?

That sucks that your father became bi-polar. My aunt is bi-polar, but I think she's faking it because I've never seen her go psycho, and she usually seems pretty normal to me in terms of mood, so I dunno.

I don't think the meds did anything more than a psychosematic response, so if you don't have insurance, I wouldn't dare go back on those. I say you go on real meds, like valium and lorazepam, that stuff works right away, and at the same time, you should go to a counselor or some such to deal with you anxiety without the aid of meds.


I hope you appreciate my reply, and also hope you realize that most people here are somewhat self-centered, they just want to receive, and they rarely give.

 

[lyn]

hey busy, im not sure what to telll you about your medication becuase ive enevr been on medication and i dont know hardly anythign about it. Im sorry.

But, liek you i dont have problems with cutting/picking my skin. I feel nothign when i do it etaher. It makes me worried that you are able to do it for hours without even consciously knowing your doing it tho, have you tried seeing a psychiatrist or therapist?

I understand where you are ocming from when you say that you dont knwo where your anxiety come from. I dont haave a sever anxiety as you buut i do get minor attacks and i am also very fearful of things. You sai dyou ahev trouble speaking and prenouncing words? Ithink that you are proballly a fantastic speaker, but just needs a little confindence sont be worried about prenouncing words wrong, i do it all the time. even tho i may feel stupid after it is good try. WHen you are havign troube talking to soemone i suggest you talk slowly and take your time, it helps me. I tend to talk extrmely fast and skip over words.

Im sorry to hear about your father, that mustbe very tought, But you need to be strong and work thorugh it. Im nto syaing you shoudnt care but try not to let it affect you so much, do you understand what i mean?

Im sure you are a great designer and i also feel it is not right that you have lost jobs becuase you cant communicate wlel with others. This may sound silly, but yo should try talking in front of a mirror, or talking to your pets (if you ahve any) It helps me alot when i have to give a speech in font of my class or other public talks. I hope everyhting works out ok

 

[lyn]

bugsy* im sorry i mispelled that

 

[pinkputter]

Bugsy,

I skimmed over your post.... I did that because I think you should do that with other peoples problems ...(skim over them) Thats what i did with your post and i simply want you to take that advice too..

People have problems, and its not your job to be their "doctor"

If you feel your anxiety coming on, here are some reminders you can say to yourself in any situation...

"stop"
"this bad feeling will pass, it always does"
"let it go''

Try to be more in the moment more... we cant live in the future, we have to live in the now to reach that.

Meditation may help you ... and from what you described, studying up on some philosophy, especially the '8 fold path' could help you a lot, IMO

Hope that helps...

 

[phoenix1]

Hi bugsy,

I think being messy is a sign of trapped anxiety in my opinion. If you are the type of person that feels like that need to get things 'just right' it becomes an all or nothing thing where you cant keep it clean all the time so you just kind of give up trying.

And from what you have written, it does sound like you do have some anxiety aspects, like the intense need to get get things right and being so hard on yourself.

I've personally taken effexor too and I personally didnt like it. It felt like I was numbed from life. It did help in some aspects, but it just took too much from my life. I mean I finally figured I would rather live in pain then to live in numbness.

 

[bugsy]

Hey thanks everyone,

Pinkputter, you're words kind of didn't help, but you look/sound rather young and I guess I was like that in my early 20's. However, I'm different now that I'm in my late 20's, and I think you might find you'll change you're attitude a little bit, when your older and life becomes a bit more challenging. Hopefully your insecurities/anxieties wont increase like mine, but if you are anything like me, they will. I was young, pretty, confident, selfish always talked about myself and now I'm the opposite - lol! How things can change! Hopefully when your older you'll come to realise that you can't just can't take and never give.

Thanks everyone else for all your feedback, much appreciated

I just think I need to bite the bullet and see a pysc and a councillor.