Move to UK a good option?

[ForeverBlue]

Hi there

I am in desperate need of advice. Oh boy I am in such a state lately. I just don't know what to do at this point. The two things that I am 100% certain of is that I am selling my house and leaving my job early next year. I live in Australia and where I am it gets really hot and it's an hours bus ride from entertainment. My mum lives with me and we are both at our wits end. First we were going to move south to a country town which has cooler weather. Now that idea doesn't seem so great as the public transport is limited and we feel that we will just be like we are now but in a different location. We barely see our family. No social life or real friends. I hate my job and it's causing me to be even more depressed.

The other option is to move to the UK. My mum is English and she would love to go back for the cooler weather and for all the things you can do and see. We have family in Wales, the Midlands and Somerset. About 7 years ago we moved to the UK with the intention of staying but ended up returning to Australia as I was just too nervous to get a job. I think my SP is a bit better now but obviously still not the best. But this time round I know that I would HAVE to try and get a job so would push myself harder.

What do you think I should do? I am so frustrated and undecided at the moment. I know only I can make the decision but some useful ideas or input would be great. I worry that wherever I go it will just be the same as it is now or that the new situation with make me retreat into myself even more and intimidate me too much.

It's hard not knowing what to do. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.

What's it like living and working in the UK? I do love visiting there but I guess it's different when you are living there.

 

[charlieHungerford]

Hey Forever Blue,

Wow that is a major dilemna on your hands. Why do you want to move from where you are? Do you and your mum just want a fresh start? Its sounds quite exciting but at the same time very daunting.

I live in the UK, have done all my life. Those places you mention like Somerset and the Midlands, I think are really nice parts of the country. Some lovely towns and villages around Somerset, it be a nice place to live for sure. But Australia looks so cool. I sometimes watch Home and Away and I see the laid back life style, life's a beach way to life, it looks so amazing.

I always have had this belief that its the people you have in your life that makes life so good. When I went to university I went to a town which was hardly the nicest town, but I met lots of cool friends at university and had the best time I could have ever wished for. I went back to this town with one of my old friends for a trip down memory lane earlier this year and although I had a nice time with this friend, the place was like alien to me, I didn't recognise it anymore, I didn't recognise any of the people, it had no appeal anymore. So yeah a new start may be good for you, but a move doesn't guarentee you will be happy, its how happy you would be in a new job and if you can meet some nice friends, etc.

Its a real interesting time for you, I wish you lots of luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

[ForeverBlue]

thanks for reply Charlie.
Yes it really is a major dilemma for me. I guess I have been stagnating for the past 7 years. I watch ppl around me at work and their lives change all the time...they get married, have kids, change jobs, go on holidays, move interstate. So I guess this is just a good kick up the backside to get me out of my comfort zone. I have stayed in that zone for far too long.

I am scared that my sensitive personality will be crushed by the pressures of it all and that I will be a failure but I think that is better than staying here and constantly feeling frustrated and angry at my life.
I suppose I am being proactive and making a decision for my future.

Where I am is okay. But life certainly isn't like it is on Home and Away (I wish). It just gets so damn hot, so much so that you can't really go out and you get stuck indoors sweating like a pig and moaning about the heat.

My suburb is fairly new and it's going to take several years before we have all the facilities set up. I don't drive which makes it hard for us to get places. I think I just need a change, be it right or wrong. I think I am petrified to be honest but maybe that's a good thing. I think maybe I am more petrified of being stuck in this rut for the rest of my life. Sometimes being scared is good as it forces you into action.

And you are right. I think it's the ppl around you that really makes a place and makes you happy and content. We really don't have anyone around us that we see on a regular basis. We only seem to see ppl when they need a place to stay.

Who knows, by this time next week, I may have changed my mind again! :lol:

 

[charlieHungerford]

thanks for reply Charlie.
Yes it really is a major dilemma for me. I guess I have been stagnating for the past 7 years. I watch ppl around me at work and their lives change all the time...they get married, have kids, change jobs, go on holidays, move interstate. So I guess this is just a good kick up the backside to get me out of my comfort zone. I have stayed in that zone for far too long.

I am scared that my sensitive personality will be crushed by the pressures of it all and that I will be a failure but I think that is better than staying here and constantly feeling frustrated and angry at my life.
I suppose I am being proactive and making a decision for my future.

Where I am is okay. But life certainly isn't like it is on Home and Away (I wish). It just gets so damn hot, so much so that you can't really go out and you get stuck indoors sweating like a pig and moaning about the heat.

My suburb is fairly new and it's going to take several years before we have all the facilities set up. I don't drive which makes it hard for us to get places. I think I just need a change, be it right or wrong. I think I am petrified to be honest but maybe that's a good thing. I think maybe I am more petrified of being stuck in this rut for the rest of my life. Sometimes being scared is good as it forces you into action.

And you are right. I think it's the ppl around you that really makes a place and makes you happy and content. We really don't have anyone around us that we see on a regular basis. We only seem to see ppl when they need a place to stay.

Who knows, by this time next week, I may have changed my mind again! :lol:

Hey Forever Blue,

I can really relate to your situation, stagnating for years in a job which is leading to nothing, a life that is predictable and within ourselves, but even though we want so much more we stick rather than twist because its comfortable and safe.
I was thinking the other week that ok a move may be daunting but I had to start in this job once and I managed and now I am fine and I know everyone likes me. So why should it be any different? I was thinking if I had made a move a year ago, well now I would be fine and everything will be smooth. Sometimes I feel we should have a view to life that this time next year none of these things matter. If we get judged negatively or make a mess of something, humiliate ourselves, none of it really matters. I think we are stuck in this mindset believing things matter hugely when really they don't. Can you remember anyone else's embarrassing moments? Can you remember judging anyone negatively in the past? I can't. If I can't then I am sure no one can remember anything bad about me. At the end of the day you seem a nice person, I know I am a nice person, so can we really go wrong?

Yeah at work I see people who get married and have kids, people come and go, off to better things, sometimes off to go travelling and live a dream. I admire those people, I wish I was more like that, but its harder for you and I who have fragile confidence to grab the bull by the horns and want to try a new challenge and progress.

I too am scared of being stuck in this rut for the rest of my life. I am 28 and its only now its dawning on me that we don't have an endless amount of time in this life, we should definitely not waste time because we will regret it later in life.

I know this is a silly example, but I watch football games (soccer) and a team plays within themselves for ages in the match and then at the end they realise they need to pull their finger's out and start making things happen to succeed in getting the result they want and they then start trying but its usually too late, not enough time and people ask why didn't they start trying like that earlier? And the team who left it so late before making effort are deflated, annoyed with themselves, frustrated that they didn't try earlier. Its a lesson to be learnt for life - don't fall into the same trap because you will regret it and feel you have let yourself down.

I think a move is what you should do. You are clearly going stale and not getting what you want from life as you are and its quite clear nothing will change unless you make changes.

It would be nice to work out how to feel motivated again don't you think? I know this sounds sad and a bit silly, but I have no motivation in my life (other than to beat SA if that counts). I have forgotten what motivation feels like. I remember as a kid so motivated to do jobs for people in order to save up for a bike I wanted. I used to count all my money and be so eager to earn more.
I remember at college feeling so motivated to get a certain grade in one of my A levels in order to get into the university I wanted to because a good friend was also wanting to go there. I worked so hard and really wanted it badly and I got it. Unfortunately my friend didn't. But yeah motivation was such a good thing to have.
Have you got much motivation these days? Or has it been drained from you as well?

I want 2007 to be a year where I really sort myself out - aim to really make great progress on overcoming SA and to work out goals that I want to work towards. Because right now I have no idea what I want to do in life in terms of jobs/career and if you don't know what you want then you cannot work towards fulfilling it. Its like you need goals and motivation to really go for those goals in order to get out of a rut.

Its not just us SA sufferers who feel this way, I know a lot of people in life who feel the same, have lost track of where they want to go in life, lost track of ambitions, lost track of who they are, basically just lost in life. I kind of think that when we are young and have a path in life mapped out - i.e. school, college then university, you always know what is next for you as you are told what is next, then your life is progressing and working towards something. Once you leave that and there is no longer anyone to push you along and tell you what is next you just stand still looking lost thinking 'Now what?' I kind of feel its a shame there is no one telling us what is next now, because we kind of need that kick up the backside you mention and to have some direction in life and to know what is next in order to progress to the next level. Because we quite clearly do not know this ourselves.

I hope we can help motivate each other in making changes, I really admire your attitude and I like your posts. It would be nice to have someone to discuss things with.

Good luck with working out what you want. I think you need to think positive and believe in yourself because you can do it, you just doing what I do as well - doubting yourself yet again. Something we both need to learn to stop doing.