ScaredToBreathe
Well-known member
This will probably be long because I write a lot (can't help it) but please bear with me! So my social anxiety is severe when it comes to being me personally. As in, when in public or around friends/family I find it hard to express myself and am unsure what to talk about. I often repeat potential conversations, questions, and responses in my head until I feel I phrased them right before being ready to say them (I have trouble coming up with things out of the blue when I'm anxious or uncomfortable around people).
WITH THAT SAID, if people approach me in a personal way, not related to work/school etc then I become anxious and don't know how to act/what to say. I often find myself avoiding people or being unintentionally rude because I just want to escape the situation I'm so anxious! And I feel so bad about it because I don't want to be rude or make people feel rejected/disliked. For example, one time a guy, who I didn't really know but was making conversation with me about work (which I could talk about) politely, but unexpectedly asked if he could have my number. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, and I have a boyfriend and he didn't clarify why he wanted my number. So I said no and apologised and he said don't worry about it, and left me alone. I felt soooo embarrassed because I didn't have time to think of anything else to say or ask him why. And I know it can take a lot of courage to ask a girl's number, and hurt being rejected, so I felt really bad. I just didn't want to say yes b/c I don't let ppl into my life very easily, and didn't want to lead him on if he wanted to know me better since I have a boyfriend. This was recent and I feel so guilty and anxious about the whole ordeal.
Another time, a while back, I was walking alone in a public place outside and a young man, with some friends, suddenly approached me and stood in front of me with his friends off to the side. He was friendly and politely introduced himself and asked my name, and it looked like he was interested in me. B/c this was all so sudden and I just wanted to be out by myself, I became extremely anxious and told him my name in a low, withdrawn, probably grumpy sounding voice. I forget if I said anything else, but it wasn't much. Before he got a chance to say anything else, I turned my back and walked off to avoid the situation because I felt like I couldn't talk and just needed to get away. I feel really bad about this too because I'm sure I seemed very rude or stuck up to that guy even though he was being nice and friendly. It seems every time I'm faced when an unexpected social situation I run away or say things in a rude, annoyed, or grumpy tone, unintentionally. And I don't know how to act nicely or hold a polite conversation when under pressure and social anxiety.
Has anyone had experiences like these?? What should I do?? It really bothers me because I don't want to be/seem like a mean, judgemental, or stuck up person. I feel so bad because I don't want those people to feel hurt or rejected when they weren't doing anything wrong. It's not like I can just explain I have SA either. I'm nice to people when I'm prepared to experience a social situation ahead of time, just when people catch me off guard my anxiety hits me like a brick and I can't control my neurotic actions. How do I fix this? Thanks
PS. I live downtown so there are always a lot of people around. I am approached fairly often but am rarely ready to have a conversation because of how severe my anxiety gets. I've been told I'm pretty attractive (I'm a young female with a small frame, long hair, and have tattoos which tend to attract unwanted attention) and have been approached by guys on several occasions when I go out (usually by myself). So it's been hard to avoid these situations as they happen when I'm just regularly living my life, nothing special.
WITH THAT SAID, if people approach me in a personal way, not related to work/school etc then I become anxious and don't know how to act/what to say. I often find myself avoiding people or being unintentionally rude because I just want to escape the situation I'm so anxious! And I feel so bad about it because I don't want to be rude or make people feel rejected/disliked. For example, one time a guy, who I didn't really know but was making conversation with me about work (which I could talk about) politely, but unexpectedly asked if he could have my number. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, and I have a boyfriend and he didn't clarify why he wanted my number. So I said no and apologised and he said don't worry about it, and left me alone. I felt soooo embarrassed because I didn't have time to think of anything else to say or ask him why. And I know it can take a lot of courage to ask a girl's number, and hurt being rejected, so I felt really bad. I just didn't want to say yes b/c I don't let ppl into my life very easily, and didn't want to lead him on if he wanted to know me better since I have a boyfriend. This was recent and I feel so guilty and anxious about the whole ordeal.
Another time, a while back, I was walking alone in a public place outside and a young man, with some friends, suddenly approached me and stood in front of me with his friends off to the side. He was friendly and politely introduced himself and asked my name, and it looked like he was interested in me. B/c this was all so sudden and I just wanted to be out by myself, I became extremely anxious and told him my name in a low, withdrawn, probably grumpy sounding voice. I forget if I said anything else, but it wasn't much. Before he got a chance to say anything else, I turned my back and walked off to avoid the situation because I felt like I couldn't talk and just needed to get away. I feel really bad about this too because I'm sure I seemed very rude or stuck up to that guy even though he was being nice and friendly. It seems every time I'm faced when an unexpected social situation I run away or say things in a rude, annoyed, or grumpy tone, unintentionally. And I don't know how to act nicely or hold a polite conversation when under pressure and social anxiety.
Has anyone had experiences like these?? What should I do?? It really bothers me because I don't want to be/seem like a mean, judgemental, or stuck up person. I feel so bad because I don't want those people to feel hurt or rejected when they weren't doing anything wrong. It's not like I can just explain I have SA either. I'm nice to people when I'm prepared to experience a social situation ahead of time, just when people catch me off guard my anxiety hits me like a brick and I can't control my neurotic actions. How do I fix this? Thanks
PS. I live downtown so there are always a lot of people around. I am approached fairly often but am rarely ready to have a conversation because of how severe my anxiety gets. I've been told I'm pretty attractive (I'm a young female with a small frame, long hair, and have tattoos which tend to attract unwanted attention) and have been approached by guys on several occasions when I go out (usually by myself). So it's been hard to avoid these situations as they happen when I'm just regularly living my life, nothing special.