Garrett
New member
hi guys, this is my first post and i have a few things id like to get off my chest. i hope no one minds if i ramble on and post some of the stuff that ive been having problems with. im not sure if im asking any specific questions though guess i am looking for a way to get over this crap.
i became friends with this girl a couple of years ago. we started emailing each other and ended up getting pretty friendly. we both suffered from social phobia so neither of us really had anyone else to talk to, i guess we hit it off because we found each other at just the right time. we would exchange massive messages on a very regular basis, and this went on for quite some time. i had been very avoidant up until that point and hadnt had any experience with women, she was the first girl i had ever become close to, and rather predictably, i ended up developing feelings for her. i kept those to myself but i did keep the hope open that something might happen in the future.
i eventually travelled across the country to meet up with her, though only as a friend. she lived quite a long way away so it hadn’t really been possible to meet up until then. i had never travelled that far before and the act of catching all those trains took my mind off our initial meeting. it hit me when i eventually got off at her station and began to feel very nervous. she used to really put down her own looks, and i had never even seen a photo of her. we eventually found each other on the station, and i was blown away by how attractive she was, seeing her for the first time is one of my best ever memories. we spent a few days together, but i would be lying if i said we really got on that well in person. things were awkward though we did manage to loosen up later on and had quite a lot of fun. i travelled over to see her a couple of other times, but distance made things difficult.
things went pair shaped when i got drunk one night. i sent her a really stupid email that kind of let the cat out of the bag. i guess i really wanted to tell her about my feelings but didnt have the guts. she wasnt interested though, she said she liked me but had just had a bad experience with someone else and wasnt ready for a relationship. i guess i managed to take that ok, or at least i thought i did. a week later, me and this girl had previously made plans to meet up with some other friends before coming back to my place to do some other stuff. we hadnt really talked much after i sent my stupid email, and when i arrived at the place, she totally blanked me.
the girl ended up talking to this other guy quite a lot and the two seemed very friendly. i dont think this guy is a terrible person or anything, but we had all had a lot to drink and he started to wind me up on purpose in a way that was a bit nasty; she joined in to some extent and i eventually got quite angry and made a bit of a scene. i wasnt angry because he tried to wind me up, but because these two had obviously hit it off together. she had rejected me the week before by saying she wasnt ready for a relationship, and then ignores me for this other guy who ends up being a bit of a wanker to me. i had never dealt with any of these emotions before and ended up taking it pretty badly, i had to sit their for the whole night and watch them really hit it off together. they seemed to have some chemistry together, i had never had any kind of chemistry with anyone in my life. i don’t want to paint her in a bad light, she had her own set of problems to deal with, i just suppose it was all very bad timing. over the following months, her and this other guy slowly became an item whilst me and this girl i now had feelings for stopped talking completely.
i guess its rather predictable for someone in my position to over attach onto the first female i become friends with, and it certainly doesnt help when that person happens to be just the sort of women i am looking for, and is someone i find to be very physically attractive. ive since had a lot issues getting past what happened, i know it’s stupid and that i should just get over it, but its not as easy as that. my feelings arent as strong as they were, but they still haunt me, especially when i feel down. it really doesnt help that social phobia gets in the way of my own life and basically ruins any chance i have of meeting anyone new. i now have to watch these two enjoy a really great relationship together, the sort of thing that i totally yearn for but have never experienced in my life. i just feel totally shut out and lonely.
i also have other feelings that are stupid, but persist nevertheless. i know that these two were just better suited for each other, but part of me still gets stuck on thinking that there must be something wrong with me, and wonders why this other guy is so much better than me. its just that ive put a lot of effort into dealing with my social phobia, i work and have done things like joining dating sites and the like, and yet this other guy seems to do nothing and yet totally blows me away in terms of success. how am i meant to develop a healthy level of self esteem when all my efforts and achievements get me nowhere, whilst other people do a fraction of the work and end up with the person i would give my right arm for? i just find it so humiliating, i know i shouldnt think that but how do i stop myself? having the feelings that i did also seems to have set the bar really high for me regarding who i am attracted to, like im only interested in getting into a relationship with someone i like as much as her, anyone else that doesnt measure up would seem like settling… i dont know if thinking that makes me seem like a bit of a crap person, im just trying to be honest.
i dont understand it. its like there were two options open to me, one was this amazing thing that would have totally changed my whole life for the better, and the other was a total kick in the balls. due to some random flip of the coin, i just happened to get the kick in the balls. i know i should just keep struggling forwards, and fully intend to, it would just be nice if i actually got somewhere.
anyway, thanks for reading this far if you did.
i became friends with this girl a couple of years ago. we started emailing each other and ended up getting pretty friendly. we both suffered from social phobia so neither of us really had anyone else to talk to, i guess we hit it off because we found each other at just the right time. we would exchange massive messages on a very regular basis, and this went on for quite some time. i had been very avoidant up until that point and hadnt had any experience with women, she was the first girl i had ever become close to, and rather predictably, i ended up developing feelings for her. i kept those to myself but i did keep the hope open that something might happen in the future.
i eventually travelled across the country to meet up with her, though only as a friend. she lived quite a long way away so it hadn’t really been possible to meet up until then. i had never travelled that far before and the act of catching all those trains took my mind off our initial meeting. it hit me when i eventually got off at her station and began to feel very nervous. she used to really put down her own looks, and i had never even seen a photo of her. we eventually found each other on the station, and i was blown away by how attractive she was, seeing her for the first time is one of my best ever memories. we spent a few days together, but i would be lying if i said we really got on that well in person. things were awkward though we did manage to loosen up later on and had quite a lot of fun. i travelled over to see her a couple of other times, but distance made things difficult.
things went pair shaped when i got drunk one night. i sent her a really stupid email that kind of let the cat out of the bag. i guess i really wanted to tell her about my feelings but didnt have the guts. she wasnt interested though, she said she liked me but had just had a bad experience with someone else and wasnt ready for a relationship. i guess i managed to take that ok, or at least i thought i did. a week later, me and this girl had previously made plans to meet up with some other friends before coming back to my place to do some other stuff. we hadnt really talked much after i sent my stupid email, and when i arrived at the place, she totally blanked me.
the girl ended up talking to this other guy quite a lot and the two seemed very friendly. i dont think this guy is a terrible person or anything, but we had all had a lot to drink and he started to wind me up on purpose in a way that was a bit nasty; she joined in to some extent and i eventually got quite angry and made a bit of a scene. i wasnt angry because he tried to wind me up, but because these two had obviously hit it off together. she had rejected me the week before by saying she wasnt ready for a relationship, and then ignores me for this other guy who ends up being a bit of a wanker to me. i had never dealt with any of these emotions before and ended up taking it pretty badly, i had to sit their for the whole night and watch them really hit it off together. they seemed to have some chemistry together, i had never had any kind of chemistry with anyone in my life. i don’t want to paint her in a bad light, she had her own set of problems to deal with, i just suppose it was all very bad timing. over the following months, her and this other guy slowly became an item whilst me and this girl i now had feelings for stopped talking completely.
i guess its rather predictable for someone in my position to over attach onto the first female i become friends with, and it certainly doesnt help when that person happens to be just the sort of women i am looking for, and is someone i find to be very physically attractive. ive since had a lot issues getting past what happened, i know it’s stupid and that i should just get over it, but its not as easy as that. my feelings arent as strong as they were, but they still haunt me, especially when i feel down. it really doesnt help that social phobia gets in the way of my own life and basically ruins any chance i have of meeting anyone new. i now have to watch these two enjoy a really great relationship together, the sort of thing that i totally yearn for but have never experienced in my life. i just feel totally shut out and lonely.
i also have other feelings that are stupid, but persist nevertheless. i know that these two were just better suited for each other, but part of me still gets stuck on thinking that there must be something wrong with me, and wonders why this other guy is so much better than me. its just that ive put a lot of effort into dealing with my social phobia, i work and have done things like joining dating sites and the like, and yet this other guy seems to do nothing and yet totally blows me away in terms of success. how am i meant to develop a healthy level of self esteem when all my efforts and achievements get me nowhere, whilst other people do a fraction of the work and end up with the person i would give my right arm for? i just find it so humiliating, i know i shouldnt think that but how do i stop myself? having the feelings that i did also seems to have set the bar really high for me regarding who i am attracted to, like im only interested in getting into a relationship with someone i like as much as her, anyone else that doesnt measure up would seem like settling… i dont know if thinking that makes me seem like a bit of a crap person, im just trying to be honest.
i dont understand it. its like there were two options open to me, one was this amazing thing that would have totally changed my whole life for the better, and the other was a total kick in the balls. due to some random flip of the coin, i just happened to get the kick in the balls. i know i should just keep struggling forwards, and fully intend to, it would just be nice if i actually got somewhere.
anyway, thanks for reading this far if you did.
