April
New member
Hi all
When I was younger like 5, 6, until let’s say 18; I guess I suffered from shyness and not SA. Therefore throughout school, I was able to make and maintain friendships. However, since I have left school and have become aware of SA and have realised that this is what I have been suffering from I have not been able to make any new friends. Maybe it is because I have realised that I have SA and I am self-conscious of it – I don’t know. However, those friends that I had from earlier days have slowly but surely drifted away. And for the most part, this has been on purpose, because I have realised that the only reason that I have hung around with these people was because I felt safe in their company. Not because they were the right people to be around, if that makes any sense. For example friend A took the role of victim in life and at the time, I felt sorry for her (used and abused by boyfriends etc). I could show empathy and could sympathise and felt comfortable in her company. But on after thought I can see, after much soul searching that this person did not really suit me or my real (beyond or outside of SA) personality. Because I believe that SA masks our true nature, our real personality. I believe that we are afraid to show our true self for fear or rejection, ridicule etc. So we put on a FALSE mask in order to cope with the world but sometimes, as in my case anyway, the false mask betrays my true self - it doesn’t represent me in terms of who I really am, my real personality, what I really think, how I would really like to relate and communicate with people etc. I feel that my SA self does not show the world the true essence of who I really am). Sorry to digress, anyway back to my story. Being around friend A, I have realised makes me feel bad and keeps me in the SA state of mind – victim, loser, lacking self-esteem, lacking confidence, afraid, hopeless etc.
So finally after years of being alone for the most part (except drifting friends) and not being able to make any new friends because for the most part, I haven’t met anyone who I would really want to be friends with (most people I meet are OK but in my, perhaps irrational (who knows) opinon, they kinda let me down ie, I think they are cool and then they express views about certain individuals or groups of people, or races or religions or something which I just don’t agree with and decide that I just can’t be around such a person who thinks in this way. Or they are OK for the most part but have some ways about them that I really don’t appreciate (ie judgemental, harsh, critical, ruthless, selfish, me, me me etc), or who accept me only when no one “more interesting” is around – and then I don’t exist – if you get my drift.
So finally after a very long long time, I have finally meet someone who I would really like to get to know – would really like to be friends with. Oh god, I sound like I’m in love don’t I. Well I’m not – I’ve just met someone who I kinda admire, like, respect, get on with etc. (For information, yes this person is of the same sex and I am not gay (I am 100% straight – although I almost feel gay for having these strong feeling for another human being of the same sex) – can anyone here relate(come on gals you may understand - don't know if a guy can - someone enlighten me here).
The thing is, anyway, this person likes me as a person, has time for me, respects me, isn’t judging me – you know what I mean. But the problem is that I have lost the art of making friends. I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t want to look desperate or foolish in my attempts to create and maintain this friendship. It’s sad to say but it has been so long since I have met anyone who I genuinely would like to get to know better that I just haven’t bothered with trying the maintain friendships.
Anyone here understand what I mean. Have you met a gal or a guy that you think is real cool in your eyes and would love to hang with them and be friends but just don’t know how to.
Any hints or tips on making and maintaining friends would be appreciated.
April
When I was younger like 5, 6, until let’s say 18; I guess I suffered from shyness and not SA. Therefore throughout school, I was able to make and maintain friendships. However, since I have left school and have become aware of SA and have realised that this is what I have been suffering from I have not been able to make any new friends. Maybe it is because I have realised that I have SA and I am self-conscious of it – I don’t know. However, those friends that I had from earlier days have slowly but surely drifted away. And for the most part, this has been on purpose, because I have realised that the only reason that I have hung around with these people was because I felt safe in their company. Not because they were the right people to be around, if that makes any sense. For example friend A took the role of victim in life and at the time, I felt sorry for her (used and abused by boyfriends etc). I could show empathy and could sympathise and felt comfortable in her company. But on after thought I can see, after much soul searching that this person did not really suit me or my real (beyond or outside of SA) personality. Because I believe that SA masks our true nature, our real personality. I believe that we are afraid to show our true self for fear or rejection, ridicule etc. So we put on a FALSE mask in order to cope with the world but sometimes, as in my case anyway, the false mask betrays my true self - it doesn’t represent me in terms of who I really am, my real personality, what I really think, how I would really like to relate and communicate with people etc. I feel that my SA self does not show the world the true essence of who I really am). Sorry to digress, anyway back to my story. Being around friend A, I have realised makes me feel bad and keeps me in the SA state of mind – victim, loser, lacking self-esteem, lacking confidence, afraid, hopeless etc.
So finally after years of being alone for the most part (except drifting friends) and not being able to make any new friends because for the most part, I haven’t met anyone who I would really want to be friends with (most people I meet are OK but in my, perhaps irrational (who knows) opinon, they kinda let me down ie, I think they are cool and then they express views about certain individuals or groups of people, or races or religions or something which I just don’t agree with and decide that I just can’t be around such a person who thinks in this way. Or they are OK for the most part but have some ways about them that I really don’t appreciate (ie judgemental, harsh, critical, ruthless, selfish, me, me me etc), or who accept me only when no one “more interesting” is around – and then I don’t exist – if you get my drift.
So finally after a very long long time, I have finally meet someone who I would really like to get to know – would really like to be friends with. Oh god, I sound like I’m in love don’t I. Well I’m not – I’ve just met someone who I kinda admire, like, respect, get on with etc. (For information, yes this person is of the same sex and I am not gay (I am 100% straight – although I almost feel gay for having these strong feeling for another human being of the same sex) – can anyone here relate(come on gals you may understand - don't know if a guy can - someone enlighten me here).
The thing is, anyway, this person likes me as a person, has time for me, respects me, isn’t judging me – you know what I mean. But the problem is that I have lost the art of making friends. I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t want to look desperate or foolish in my attempts to create and maintain this friendship. It’s sad to say but it has been so long since I have met anyone who I genuinely would like to get to know better that I just haven’t bothered with trying the maintain friendships.
Anyone here understand what I mean. Have you met a gal or a guy that you think is real cool in your eyes and would love to hang with them and be friends but just don’t know how to.
Any hints or tips on making and maintaining friends would be appreciated.
April
