Looking to meet someone

[Greenade]

[edit] - I don't know if i have wrote this right, i don't mean to sound depressed or desperate, and i'm sorry if i do, Social Phobia prevents me from speaking to anyone.....and i just wanted someone to talk to who feels the same...



Hi,

My name is Adrian and i am 33 Living in Birmingham England.... (anyone else from around there :?: )

Im totally new to this site, so forgive me if i do anything wrong

I am feeling totally isolated and extremely lonely because of my Social Phobia, and i just can't seem to find a way of ever meeting or talking to people because of it....

Right now at this moment i feel totally and utterly useless and housebound, i just can't bring myself to go out the front door.... My social phobia has never been as bad.... i just can't help myself on my own, and i have nobody to talk to, i think what little social skills i had are disappearing fast, and i'm scared that i am going to end up a total recleous (spelling)...

I would love to be able to have friends and a girlfriend and be normal, i have a big heart and loads of love to give....so much i think i may explode....where are my friends?, and where is my love?......i don't think i'll ever know...

I hate having to explain the way i am with my quiet and shy life.....and i just yearn for someone to just "know" how i am and feel


I try and keep myself busy with anything, but when i do it feels like i am avoiding meeting anyone.....yet how do i meet anyone when i am lost...?
My life is ticking away and i am getting nowhere, soon i will be too old for anything :!:

I hate writing things like this because it seems so depressing, and i am not a naturally depressive person, i just can't cope on my own... :roll:


So if you can identify with any of this, and if you are from the UK and would like to chat with me about social phobia or anything, and maybe become my friend or Soulmate 8O (I'm lost in a dream now ), then please contact me by one of my messenger progs or maybe email instead.....or just reply to this thread......hope to hear from you soon..




Ade

Email: [email protected]

Yahoo messenger: greenadeuk

AOL instant messenger: brummy1st

MSN messenger: [email protected]

 

[emmie]

hi greenade

welcome to this site. i take it your the same greenade as in sa uk last nite. is that a pic of you? its emmie by the way the slow one in the chat room last nite.

 

[Greenade]

Hi emmie

Yes its me....and yes thats my pic

eek

Adrian

 

[esp]

Hi, I am 29, and interested to find someone else around my age to talk to. What has been your experience that led to social phobia? You can probably read mine on my user's profile.

 

[Greenade]

Hi esp,

I don't really think i had an experience that led to my SA.... I have had it all my life... 8O

As a child i was always "shy" but as soon as i hit 13 i was very socially phobic, and very avoidant also........i used to think there was something wrong with me and that i was weird or something......until i got my first PC and on the internet, and then i discovered that i suffered from social phobia.....

It was great to know i wasn't the only one in the world like this, but i still have to live with it every single day...

Adrian

 

[esp]

Hi Ade
Nice to meet you. I'm not from the UK, but I know how you feel. I'm 29 and have no friends or boyfriend. It all recently just got too much and I had to get help. I'd avoided the things I was afraid of for too long and got really badly depressed and anxious. I've also been shy all my life. But I think it only becomes a problem when you start avoiding things because of it, then it becomes social phobia. It started getting bad for me in my teenage years too and I just never got over teasing and broken friendships. I've never gotten a job or left home. I'm just now learning how to shop and drive on my own. What about you?
Emma

 

[Greenade]

Hi Emma nice to meet you too,

You said that you avoided things for too long, well thats me.... If its going to stress me then i avoid it...

I too have never got a job or left home, i just couldn't face the constant socialness of a job....

I did actually manage to learn to drive 2 years ago, but its no use to me because i can't face driving on my own.....just too much pressure

I have no friends or girlfriend because i am like this, even though its what i want most in the world.... am i crazy for just wanting someone to share my life with, and for just having myself to give, instead of wanting to have a career and do well and stuff... :?:

I feel myself getting older now, and i hate the thought of being like this forever on my own, and turning into a lonely old man....
I think i have realised that i can't beat Social Phobia, all i can do is just learn to cope in my own way with it...

Yes broken friendships are very hard to deal with, coz i end up blaming myself for everything, low self esteem i suppose...
What type of help did you get?, coz iv'e tried medication and that didn't work for me...

Adrian

 

[esp]

Hi Adrian, we seem very similar. I think we can beat social phobia, because a phobia is avoidance of the thing you fear, and you can learn to stop avoiding and learn to control the anxiety, even if you stay a quiet sort of person. I think we have to learn that its ok to be quiet after all.

The type of help I got is I'm going to a psychologist who is helping me face my fears. First I am increasing my independence so I can go to the shops and buy what I need, and learning to drive again on my own. I am scared of what's next but I feel so much better for doing something rather than knowing I have to do something and not doing it and feeling horrible about it. I think facing your people fears is less bad than living with the horrible feeling of depression and low self-esteem from telling yourself you can't do anything. I am also on medication, called Lexapro. I don't think its for social phobia but for generalised anxiety and depression. Anyway its helping me for some reason. Whereas before I would be trembling and heart pounding if I even posted a message on the net or went driving now I'm doing alright. It takes the edge off. And really helps the depression which I think is worse than social phobia because that makes you not even bother trying. My psychologist says its not the medication, its me that's doing the work. I could take the pills and still be sitting at home maybe not as depressed, its me that took the decision to face my fears and do something about it.
Emma

 

[Greenade]

Hi esp,

I don't think i can beat social phobia...

Its a weird thing....its neverending..... :?

I'm glad you are finding that a psychologist is helping you, that must have been a very hard step to take, even just getting to one in the first place...

Its hard to explain but i'll try..... i don't think a psychologist would work for me because to me its just someone telling me to "face my fears" and "get out there more" and "it will get easier".....it never has got any easier for me, and if i did actually put myself out there and speak to someone and acomplish that one little victory, it would just be the same massive fear all over again if i did it with someone else...etc

I don't like driving on my own because of the anxiety, but i can get to the shops and buy stuff if i need to with a massive dose of fear and anxiety thrown in too, i have to because i am a carer for my mother....My anxieties kick in the most if i have to speak to someone in the shops......and i just wonder around feeling lonely and seeing people together and wishing i was like that.....basically when i see other people happy together and sharing things it makes me realise how alone i am...

My social phobia is keeping me away from people and places, it just doesn't seem to ever weaken...

Adrian

 

[soshi]

You sound similar to me. When I see a group of people talking and laughing I would give anything to be a part of it and feel comfortable. I cannot imainge what it would be like to have a group of friends.

 

[esp]

Hi, I know what you mean about the fear always being the same because all people pose some sort of threat. I'm dealing with the same thing. I think its more about something like overestimating the chances of something bad happening and then if something bad did happen exaggerating the consequences of that. Its like you have to stop giving over control to other people and take it back to yourself. You can't control other people but you can control your reaction to them. If you don't want to go to a psychologist then maybe you could try a self help book. I know you can't believe it but I have experienced that anxiety can get less. If you start facing your fears maybe you won't be so lonely anymore.
Emma

 

[jss]

I am only 21 years but I am approaching my 7th year of social phobia

I will not write a big boring story of mine but all I can say is that reading your post made tears come out of my eyes just because It made me remember my self

I live on the hope and this helps much

also every night while going to sleep and after I close my eyes I imagine my self having friends,love and good in social situations
this really help me much although I do nothing and still have the same feeling and suffering but at least this extend my hope

also try my friend to get a job far enough from social situations

currently I work programmer but through internet only to avoid social situations
this really helped me
before work I was too depressed and was thinking of death all the time but now I am in an acceptable good state and talking to you here

also I think the best friends and gf to look for are social phobia sufferers just like you and me

they can understand you and feel with you and you too and I see this is an advantage even normal people may not have it in their relationships

I see there are some girls or women whatever from your country replied you

I really hope from my heart is to form successful relationship with some one here friends or gf whatever

I think all of us here who are in the same country in need to such relationships with each other


Good Luck for all of you and me too

Hi esp,

I don't think i can beat social phobia...

Its a weird thing....its neverending..... :?

I'm glad you are finding that a psychologist is helping you, that must have been a very hard step to take, even just getting to one in the first place...

Its hard to explain but i'll try..... i don't think a psychologist would work for me because to me its just someone telling me to "face my fears" and "get out there more" and "it will get easier".....it never has got any easier for me, and if i did actually put myself out there and speak to someone and acomplish that one little victory, it would just be the same massive fear all over again if i did it with someone else...etc

I don't like driving on my own because of the anxiety, but i can get to the shops and buy stuff if i need to with a massive dose of fear and anxiety thrown in too, i have to because i am a carer for my mother....My anxieties kick in the most if i have to speak to someone in the shops......and i just wonder around feeling lonely and seeing people together and wishing i was like that.....basically when i see other people happy together and sharing things it makes me realise how alone i am...

My social phobia is keeping me away from people and places, it just doesn't seem to ever weaken...

Adrian