emerald_frog
New member
All I can think about is just how lonely I really am. I mean, I have a husband who would do anything for me, but yet I miss the company of friends. I miss hanging out socially with other people. I have one good friend. That's it. And, he isn't all that great either. I moved to a place where I didn't have any family or friends to be with my husband. I'm not that far from my family and friend, but it gets to be depressing as hell. I have people that I comment to and mention things to here and there on facebook, but when it comes to conversations, forget it. People don't go out of their ways to chat with me. And, I used to go out of my way to talk to them, but it never worked out because they "had to get off" within seconds of the conversation. I don't understand why my life is like this. When I was in high school, I had friends that I could always call up and talk to or go somewhere and do something with. I moved to Ohio after my senior year to be with my parents. I moved from Arkansas where the only family and friends I've ever known live to be with my father, who I hadn't seen in 10 years. I was so happy to have my father, I even left my stuff at the place where I was living in Arkansas at the time. They haven't offered to return it and I've asked repetedly. But, my reason for telling you about all that is because all of my pictures of my family, my prom, my diploma, EVERYTHING was left behind. And, that's left a giant hole in my heart. But, now that I am an adult and out on my own paying what bills I can with my social security, I do nothing but clean the house, cook, and sleep. The only time I get to have any kind of fun is when I'm driving. And, I can't even do that on my own. I have to have someone licsensed with me. I feel so lonely and abnormal. I don't go places that would have people my age because I can't afford to and I wouldn't know anyone. This morning, my husband went to gaming with several of his work friends to an RPG group. They go every tueseday. And, everytime he leaves, I cry. I just cry. Because it feels so unfair. I want him to go out and enjoy his friendships and his time away from me, but at the same time....I want him to stay home and cuddle on me. In my early childhood years, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. They say you get that disorder due to being abandoned or imagined being abandoned by someone important in your life. That would be my dad leaving after the divorce. But, it causes issues later in life. Right now, it is showing it's ugly face with my marriage. I can't go a day without thinking that he is just trying to find a way to leave me. And, when he goes gaming, I can't help but to think that he just isn't going to come back. I want to have friends that I can talk to about all of this, but, I don't. So I went online today and found this website to post to, hoping someone's story would be similar to mine. :::::::