Learning to conversate with everyone

[Ren Koutaisou]

For most of my life, I have been the shy and quiet person in many of my classes and jobs. I have a lot of trouble starting or keeping conversations flowing. Most of the time, I want to talk to people, but I convince myself that I don't have anything to say.

I want to change this very much. I feel like I'm missing tons of opportunities to meet new people because I can't open my mouth to speak. I am trying to figure out every single little thing that can help me.

So far, all I've come up with is a diaphragm strengthening exercise that I can do while laying in my bed, since I most likely won't be going anywhere because I'm off from work today.

I'm not saying I want to become a chatterbox, I just don't want to feel a rush of insecurity and unwillingness whenever I speak to someone. This happens to people I know, too, coworkers and family.

Any advice is appreciated. =D

 

[Cynic]

Learning to conversate

You mean converse.

 

[WelshOne]

What problems do you have exactly? Is it a lack of confidence to speak up, or do you find it hard to think of things to say?

Personally since my SA became more severe, I've found it hard to think of what to say to people, and how to reply to comments etc. To tackle this I bought myself a book on conversation ("How to Talk to Anyone") and to be honest a lot of what I've read so far hasn't really helped. BUT, there have been one or two pieces of advice that have given me something to use when talking to people. So now instead of just replying "yeah" or something, I can actually conjure up a reply - usually a question in my case.

If this problem is similar for you, then maybe have a browse on Amazon and find a book with good reviews (the beauty of Amazon!) For a few quid, it could be worth a try.

If it's a confidence thing, then you'll just have to force youself to speak up when you have the urge. I also have to do this, and it's a much easier problem to deal with.

 

[Ren Koutaisou]

Re: Learning to converse with everyone

I don't think it's a confidence issue. I think I have a lot of confidence hidden deep within. I'm sure it's that I can't think of anything to say. Throughout the days, I don't really have much activities, so I just don't know what to talk about.

Recently, I realized that most of my talking is negative crap that I continually repeated. After realizing this, I just stay silent and help people whenever I have the chance.

I would search Amazon for a book, but right now, I'm so strapped for cash, that I can't really buy anything at all.

 

[JCS008]

I think the more you think about something, the harder it is. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself.

 

[Ren Koutaisou]

You're right about that. I keep trying to go the extra mile, but seems I fail to do so...

 

[WelshOne]

Re: Learning to converse with everyone

I don't think it's a confidence issue. I think I have a lot of confidence hidden deep within. I'm sure it's that I can't think of anything to say. Throughout the days, I don't really have much activities, so I just don't know what to talk about.

Recently, I realized that most of my talking is negative crap that I continually repeated. After realizing this, I just stay silent and help people whenever I have the chance.

I would search Amazon for a book, but right now, I'm so strapped for cash, that I can't really buy anything at all.

Yeah I'm similar... I don't have many experiences to tell others about. This doesn't mean you have nothing to say to people though - just ask questions about THEIR interests! This is what I'm focusing on right now. Listen out for the key words people say, because the things they drop into conversation are what THEY want to talk about. Which is perfect when you don't have much to say about yourself

Also one good piece of advice from the book I'm reading is for the first thing you say to a new person not to be a complaint. If so, that person will instantly get the impression that you're a whiner (and first impression count)... not good!

 

[greenpilgrim]

I feel the exact same way. When I do muster up the nerve to talk what really gets me is when I talk and am ignored. The person has no idea how hard it was for me just to say anything, then they just turn their head and start talking to someone else. That validates my belief that nothing I say has any value or importance. I can't even make small talk, how can I ever get into a real conversation? I'm forcing myself to strike up conversations with strangers. I figure the more I exercise my voice the more comfortable I'll be talking to others. It's like a baby learning how to walk. I'm determined to break out of this prison. I grew sick of worrying about what others think or feel. How do I know what they're thinking? I'm no mind reader! I have succeeded in rekindling an old friendship & it's so refreshing to have a person who has reasonable verbal interchange. That's one! It's emboldened me to try more. I hope you can do the same. No man is an island.

 

[Skald]

It's all about being calm, relaxing, being positive and having a genuine interest in what the topic is about. If your not to keen on what is being said don't feel the pressure of "I have to speak" to be part of this.
If you can tackle these I'm sure it will be solved, Work at them one at a time as I am trying to do. And most of all don't beat yourself up over it to much.

 

[ApRiLGeTsAngry77]

If you want to start or hold a conversation with someone, than you need to have a general idea about what is going on with the world. Broaden your horizons and read about something that you don't know about. Then the next time you are around someone, bring the topic up.

 

[WelshOne]

If you want to start or hold a conversation with someone, than you need to have a general idea about what is going on with the world. Broaden your horizons and read about something that you don't know about. Then the next time you are around someone, bring the topic up.

Definately!

Watching the news every day is a brilliant way of gaining a few topics to talk about, too.