Lack Of Self Confidence, motivation & self esteem

[Obsidian]

Hi everybody, nice to meet you. I am new to the forum and have been reading with great interest.

I am in my 30's, I've always been a shy person at best, plus i was picked on at school for being too "nice and sensible".

I married young also - married my childhood sweetheart in which she left me a year ago and re-married. This was the icing on the cake, it totally devastated me to the point of a complete collapse of everything.

I find it hard to even smile sometimes, let alone anything else. When getting into a conversation with someone, i tend to want to end it quickly for some reason. I just totally lack confidence and i have tried so hard to force the issue. I just feel like i want to break free from it, but something is stopping me inside. How do you think i can get out of this rutt i am in?

Thanks so much.

 

[scatmantom]

you have been through some hard times mate, but confidance takes time to re-build, at least you are out there having conversations, alot of people on this forum cant manage that. Just hope things work out for you

 

[friendlyshygirl]

Time is a healer mate...you will gain your confidence as you are communicating with people again which I can't do very well. Just keep trying

Keeping yourself occupied like watching DVD's may help keep your mind off it for now. :roll:

 

[socratic]

:idea:

 

[friendlyshygirl]

We all in this forum do understand what you are going through. I have been in abuse of fear of people in my past when I was young. I'm now taking it slow to talk to people when I can the problem with me is that I am not loud and I don't make eye contact which gives it away. I know I will get there with a bit of stuggle and so will you

 

[kazzaa]

hi, i also feel like i end convos quickly, and then feel like people think im rude, but i get panicky that i may run out of things to say, i am not confident, so think its best not to chat to long than not at all sort of thing. things will be better with time.

 

[Clark_Kent]

Yes its a pain Im in my 30's also and i find the SA is getting worse as time goes on. At this point it's very severe and makes life full of fear and anxiety this as you all know wears you down over time. Could a "normal" person imagine the fear and anxiety of an interview or public speaking several times a day every day for years!? I doubht it.

Ive tried to meet this head on in the past and re learn behaviour but this makes matters worse drugs seem the only viable option now but i dont want side effects whats the point in scoring a women only to have sexual side effects from the drug's? Alchohol does help but then i get too drunk and may have to face the embarresment for my actions later and this wears on your body and the following day the anxiety is increased. So far ive resisted alchohol outside of work etc. but i find im at the end of my tether. I know im rabbling on about myself but i wanted to show you that other people got problems too and I guess finding this site and actually being able to communicate could be a help and a good first step a problem shared as they say.

 

[jerry302199]

i found a solution to most of the symptoms of social phobia a while ago, but i found it a little difficuilt to do. it's a kind of mix between primal therapy and meditation, it's a little weird, but i swear, it really helps dramatically - almost overnight, plus it dosen't involve drugs, going to meetings, financial expenditure etc. the only problem i found with it is that you have to make a lot of noise, and kind of go crazy for a while, and i found it really hard trying to find a place to do it, i used to have to go out into the countryside at night, far away from farms,houses etc. and i found that the fear of being discovered doing this was getting in the way a little bit, so i quickly lost the will/inclination to do it. but if anyone on this forum lives in a detached house or some kind of small-holding somewhere, or have access to a rehearsal studio or....somewhere they can make some noise... then this really does make a massive difference to your confidence / general feeling of ease in social situations / overall positivity etc. check out any web site for OSHO DYNAMIC / CATHARTIC MEDITATION and follow the 3 10 minute sections & final relaxation section. -- HAVE FUN !