Zarrix
Well-known member
I would like to draw the picture of the SA monster even more today. We have had the behemoth, the wall, the magic and a machine. Now we have a Boa constrictor. Not quite as big as some of the objects and aspects mentioned above, but my presence feels like it is being restricted by the scales of one of these reptiles.
There are very few things a socially anxious person can do without feeling some sort of tension. I have compiled a shortened list tonight, yes this is a much longer list, but I could be here for months otherwise. Not that it would matter to anybody anyway =(...
*Saying Hello
*Saying Goodbye
*Saying Please and Thankyou
These three are real killers. Not even giving the time of day to say hello to someone you know is painful. All the same, what if something goes wrong. What if they don't answer? I will look like I am talking to myself, which looks ridiculous. What if they simply reply with hostility?
*I avoid people I know, but not that well (For example- Old Classmates, just about anyone I have only seen/talked to a few times).
Because we simply don't know enough about these people to be certain that we will come out of a social confrontation all right. Enigma is considered volatile. This is why the supermarket can bring out the horrors at times. There is a high chance of meeting someone you half-know, and the potential for them to jot down a negative thought about you in their mind.
*Reluctant to reveal any emotion at all.
Emotional expression is a process of great agony for all SA sufferers. Like many other aspects of life, this too is a vicious cycle. You are affraid
to reveal any personal attributes, so you keep quiet if something angers you inside. Likewise, sometimes, the people will expect you to show some emotion, so therefore you reluctantly and half-heartedly show emotion. The people will think that you are just acting and aren't really caring about their problems because it looks so bad. Sometimes something may happen to you that isn't pleasing, you are expected to show some sign of sadness or anguish. But the same thing happens and you look like a tool.
*I hate people staring at me
This is one of the worst things. Classmates or work colleagues staring at you. All the pressure is on you, if you don't perform, they will think of you as an idiot, that message will spread throughout the place, and everyone will think likewise. You begin to feel slightly queasy, your muscles stiffen up and you conscience switches from the task at hand to the scanning for motives of the bystander. More often than not, you make a mistake too. It is ironic, we try and hide our symptoms, but we use so much energy doing so, or we are thinking about it so much (in the case of physical symptoms) that we commit the errors or show the symptoms anyway. Yet another example of the vicious circle
*I can't stand people giggling around me.
Groups of teenage girls, just people having a good time. They should be able to enjoy their time. But despite this, people who do this I feel like going up and punching or even worse, shooting, just to end the laughter. I cannot stand laughter which I don't know the origins of. I always assume they are the assassin, quietly attacking my personality and passing the negativism around the world. It seems even worse if it is a quiet giggle, they want to keep whatever is funny even more secret. Ill say it again, people should have the right to enjoy themselves, but if there is a laugh, and I don't know what it is a bout, it isn't funny and it is deemed hostile. Yes, you, I see you ROFLing in front of the computer, reading this =(
Its horrible, and thats only the start of the problems. Anyone with me?
There are very few things a socially anxious person can do without feeling some sort of tension. I have compiled a shortened list tonight, yes this is a much longer list, but I could be here for months otherwise. Not that it would matter to anybody anyway =(...
*Saying Hello
*Saying Goodbye
*Saying Please and Thankyou
These three are real killers. Not even giving the time of day to say hello to someone you know is painful. All the same, what if something goes wrong. What if they don't answer? I will look like I am talking to myself, which looks ridiculous. What if they simply reply with hostility?
*I avoid people I know, but not that well (For example- Old Classmates, just about anyone I have only seen/talked to a few times).
Because we simply don't know enough about these people to be certain that we will come out of a social confrontation all right. Enigma is considered volatile. This is why the supermarket can bring out the horrors at times. There is a high chance of meeting someone you half-know, and the potential for them to jot down a negative thought about you in their mind.
*Reluctant to reveal any emotion at all.
Emotional expression is a process of great agony for all SA sufferers. Like many other aspects of life, this too is a vicious cycle. You are affraid
to reveal any personal attributes, so you keep quiet if something angers you inside. Likewise, sometimes, the people will expect you to show some emotion, so therefore you reluctantly and half-heartedly show emotion. The people will think that you are just acting and aren't really caring about their problems because it looks so bad. Sometimes something may happen to you that isn't pleasing, you are expected to show some sign of sadness or anguish. But the same thing happens and you look like a tool.
*I hate people staring at me
This is one of the worst things. Classmates or work colleagues staring at you. All the pressure is on you, if you don't perform, they will think of you as an idiot, that message will spread throughout the place, and everyone will think likewise. You begin to feel slightly queasy, your muscles stiffen up and you conscience switches from the task at hand to the scanning for motives of the bystander. More often than not, you make a mistake too. It is ironic, we try and hide our symptoms, but we use so much energy doing so, or we are thinking about it so much (in the case of physical symptoms) that we commit the errors or show the symptoms anyway. Yet another example of the vicious circle
*I can't stand people giggling around me.
Groups of teenage girls, just people having a good time. They should be able to enjoy their time. But despite this, people who do this I feel like going up and punching or even worse, shooting, just to end the laughter. I cannot stand laughter which I don't know the origins of. I always assume they are the assassin, quietly attacking my personality and passing the negativism around the world. It seems even worse if it is a quiet giggle, they want to keep whatever is funny even more secret. Ill say it again, people should have the right to enjoy themselves, but if there is a laugh, and I don't know what it is a bout, it isn't funny and it is deemed hostile. Yes, you, I see you ROFLing in front of the computer, reading this =(
Its horrible, and thats only the start of the problems. Anyone with me?
