Just introducing myself

[Mooncalf]

Fairly sure that this isn't the right place to post this, but I can't seem to find the right one.

Anyway, hi everyone, I'm Mooncalf (real name David, but who cares about real names?), I just thought I'd stop by and tell you all a little about myself because I'm sure I'll be loitering here fairly frequently (nice site by the way manager type dude).

First thing's first, I'm insane. Not just a social phobe, but a total eccentric artist loon. You'll probably come to see that from some of my posts and some of the stuff I write that just seems totally random.

I've had social phobia for a long time, caused by school, but the way I've learned to deal with it is somewhat different. There was a time when I didn't leave the house, didn't talk to anyone, never used the phone ... I even got stomach pains when I got on the bus. But the thing that didn't help me was the fact that I regretted it. I wanted to BE "normal", and I didn't want these fears I have. It even led me to try to kill myself because I didn't feel that I had a place in the world, that I was a freak.

Well I've come to realise I am a freak. And so what? I like it. I now take every chance to show people what a freak I am. My insecurities, my eccentricities, my fears, my abnormal mind - I love it all. And do you know what? People have come to respect me and love me more for it.

And it's helped.

I started to deal with it, not when I confronted it, but when I accepted it. I held my hands up and said "hey, I have one crazy insecure mind, but I wouldn't BE the person I am if it wasn't for that." So I no longer feel obligated to go to parties or to go places I don't know very well ... because I don't want to. It's as simple as that.

Nowdays I stay in most of the time, imersing myself in an alternative reality of role-play, fantasy, books, films, anything you can think of. And because I just live with my fears, because I know they ARE me, I have stopped being so scared.

Admittedly, I'm half dozed with my head in the clouds through constant escapism, but this has helped me. When I talk to people or go places now, I almost feel detatched ... and most of the time I'm no longer afraid. I now have more friends than ever, popularity with girls, respect of my teachers at University ... all because people accept me for who I am, for what I'm afraid of. I'm David, "the crazy one", "the loner", "the one with his mind in a constant other world", but I'll tell you something, people love me all the more for it.

My way of dealing with things is just that. My way. I don't claim that my way will help for anyone else, hell it might even do more harm than good.

But I guess my message is, don't be afraid of what you are. Your special, your YOU. If everyone else doesn't like it or doesn't understand it then it's their problem, not yours. Love who you are, because sometimes there is no cure for our personalities. And if there were, would you REALLY wan't to change yourself?

 

[AuroraSky]

David,

It's good that you are able to accept all the parts of your personality, that's what makes us unique. I wish I could see my Social Anxiety as part of who I am, rather than a character flaw. The constant messages from society and advertising about what we "should" be doing, consuming etc mean that all too often we compare ourselves with others, and find ourselves wanting. I never acquired the taste for role-play/ fantasy games etc but I know they are popular on the internet, and just as valid a pastime as watching TV, listening to music or whatever. Although I would resist the label of "freak" for myself perhaps it works for you, in the way that fans of Marilyn Manson and so on feel proud to be outsiders. It seems that maturing is the process of "becoming who you are" rather than a pale conformist copy of what society wants us to be. Maybe that is what those people now respect about you, perhaps they wish they had the courage to be themselves also?

 

[Mooncalf]

Hmmm, perhaps that is why, yes. I do believe that everyone likes their friends to be different though, and I'm certainly that.

I don't mean freak in a bad way. Its just a term that they would use to label us with because we are different. But they forget it also means unique and individual as well ... something that very few "normal" people are.

Well, the roleplay is just one of the ways I escape. Sometimes I can just read or watch TV, like LOTR or something and, I know it sounds silly, but my life really doesn't seem to matter when I do, only the lives of the people in the work of fiction I am emersed in. I scoffed at escapism all my life, but when I thought about it, it's almost more natural than the world we live in now.