longlivesolitude
Well-known member
Hello 
Hm. Just thought of something. I've been writing diaries for some years - on and off and I just read some of the things I've written - it's just boring. Not because I haven't been doing anything but because I just haven't got anything inspiriring to write. Just the same thing again and again - about the SA and how to cope with it. That made me wonder - because it's kind of the same when being social. Some of the time I just feel grey. I've got nothing interesting to say. Yeah - i've have some feelings and ideas, but nothing comes out. Not when I'm writing and not when I'm talking to other people. What's interesting i've found out is that it's only when I express something (and with some kind of matter to it) that I can aknowledge myself. Like it's only when I express something really interesting that I can feel myself and feel that I'm worth anything and it doesn't happen that often. I also draw some - especially lately. I've drawn a lot of dull stuff, but I've now decided that I only want to draw when I really have a good idea. Hm.. That's often some feeling I need to get out (when I feel hopeless etc.. -boring!) or when I've been thinking for a while I might get an idea to something. After I've been drawing the piece and if it looks alright - then it kind of gives some self-boost. The thing is when walking around in daily life being social you don't have time to think a lot about an idea.. things just have to come up while walking around and it just doesn't. It's like if I am empty. Hmm not sure where i'm going with this, but thought I had something I wanted to get out :roll:
Hm. Just thought of something. I've been writing diaries for some years - on and off and I just read some of the things I've written - it's just boring. Not because I haven't been doing anything but because I just haven't got anything inspiriring to write. Just the same thing again and again - about the SA and how to cope with it. That made me wonder - because it's kind of the same when being social. Some of the time I just feel grey. I've got nothing interesting to say. Yeah - i've have some feelings and ideas, but nothing comes out. Not when I'm writing and not when I'm talking to other people. What's interesting i've found out is that it's only when I express something (and with some kind of matter to it) that I can aknowledge myself. Like it's only when I express something really interesting that I can feel myself and feel that I'm worth anything and it doesn't happen that often. I also draw some - especially lately. I've drawn a lot of dull stuff, but I've now decided that I only want to draw when I really have a good idea. Hm.. That's often some feeling I need to get out (when I feel hopeless etc.. -boring!) or when I've been thinking for a while I might get an idea to something. After I've been drawing the piece and if it looks alright - then it kind of gives some self-boost. The thing is when walking around in daily life being social you don't have time to think a lot about an idea.. things just have to come up while walking around and it just doesn't. It's like if I am empty. Hmm not sure where i'm going with this, but thought I had something I wanted to get out :roll:
