I've done it again!

lys

lys

Member
Sorry, but I just need to moan. I've tried having this conversation with a person I know but they just don't get it, so I'm going to bore you with it.

I've been suffering with SA for 17 years. Obviously some years have been better than others. I'm not working at the moment. Most jobs seem to involve serving customers or being in call centres and there's just no way I can face that. But an organization who works with disabled people managed to get me a work placement with a company. Office sort of stuff. It's really good. Everyone I've met has been really nice to me, and I felt it was all going really well.

Then the other day, I was on my way in and I had a panic attack. Don't know why. I haven't had one in ages. But now it's like I associate my work placement with that feeling of panic and I haven't been in since.

I just feel like I've messed everything up. There was no guarantee of a job at the end of the placement but I hoped maybe I could impress them so they'd think of me if a job came up in the future. No chance now. This is the best opportunity i could have and I've blown it. I'm just so angry with myself.

Anyway, that's basically it. Thanks for letting me vent here. xx
 
enchantress24

enchantress24

Well-known member
First of all, I doubt panic attacks will give anyone a reason to not give you a job. Everyone can have a panic attack whether they have SA or not. I think regardless of where you work, either in customer service or working with the disabled, you trigger these panic attacks because you're so accustomed to them. It has nothing to do with what's going on around you. I guess sometimes when we're used to having a certain feeling, its basically the only way our brains know how to react. I don't even know if I make sense. Sorry. LOL.

I just kinda compared it to my own depression. Been living with it for 8 years and being depressed is the only way I know how to feel. I can be in the happiest place in the world with just the best people and I will still be depressed. I don't really know another emotion. :(
 
lys

lys

Member
Yeah that does make sense. Now that I think about it, getting anxious does tend to be my response to anything new or stressful. Or even if I'm just tired.

Plus I suppose having time off with anxiety isn't really any different to having time off with a broken leg.

I'm just frustrated with how my life is going.

Thanks for the reply.
 
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