Is this OCD?

[nandito]

Ok, like many other Love-Shy guys (28, never dated in my life), I do have some problems to connect with people at an emotional level, but I'm not afraid to talk to anyone about everything besides relationships (obviously due my lack of experience and insecurities), I still have a little bit of social life, etc.

4 years ago I started to experience Panic attacks, that at the beginning I assume were related to a deadly condition, like brain tumor or something. Screening tests showed nothing, sessions with the psychologist helped me to overcome it, at lest for few months.

A year later I started to suffer from other physical conditions, and again, I assumed that they could be related to a dangerous disease. And yet again screening tests show nothing.
I'm kind of a smart guy, so after a few times with the same behavior I learned that everything was on my mind, and since a year ago I have no worries about dangerous diseases and no bad physical symptoms at all.

Now, when I turned 28, I started to worry about staying alone for life, that I must do something to change that (yes, I have a strong will to change things ASAP, but that could be a compulsory reaction, cause after I found something must be going wrong, I spent weeks searching for info on the internet, and looking for help), since then I started to have dreams about staying alone for life, lonely, tons of missed opportunities (specially the last 4 years when my mind was only focused on finishing my PhD and to find a cure for my diseases) to date interesting women, etc. This increased my anxiety, sweating, getting poor sleep, more internet searching for "cures", etc, etc.

So far I haven't done crazy things to the people that surround me (friends, family), so they don't know about this. Besides the obsessive thoughts about getting a GF, and using the internet to learn how to overcome this, I haven't done anything else that I consider weird.

I live in Canada, and therefore getting an appointment and later a diagnosis takes time (health care is cheap though, but in some issues the waiting lists are long). So I wanna know if any of you guys consider the behavior mentioned above, as symptoms of OCD. I didn't have behaviors like this as a child or teen, I started to have them late in my college years, so I guess I can say that, if I had anything I started to worry about, too much, around 22.

So in short:
- Negative thoughts during day or night about staying lonely for life, finding a cure, and getting a GF. This derives in anxiety-like conditions.
- Spending a lot of internet time to get info.
- Tendency to panic and try to find help asap.

That's all.

Thanks.

 

[**removed**]

I don't think it's OCD as such.. i'm not really sure what to call it but I know what you mean. I think you're looking at your age and thinking of the things you don't have.. and it's making you panic inside. Do you ever feel like you're trapped?

 

[nandito]

I don't think it's OCD as such.. i'm not really sure what to call it but I know what you mean. I think you're looking at your age and thinking of the things you don't have.. and it's making you panic inside. Do you ever feel like you're trapped?

Whoa, in few words you have found a very good description of what I'm feeling.
Although I'm just now thinking in what I don't have. I think there is a component of obsession in me. Otherwise why to live the last 5 years worried about disease, career success, friendship, form a family, being alone, etc?.

Maybe this are just triggers for panic attacks and anxiety. But those thoughts come to my mind without even trying, in the middle of my sleep, etc. I do feel now (since I started to think about the future and what I didn't do in the past) that is the end of the world to me or that I'm trapped not knowing what to do to solve this and if I ever will solve it, although in my head there is always a voice of optimism, and therefore suicidal thoughts fade away easily. As long as I'm willing to change and look for help, I guess, there must be something I can do, doesn't it?

 

[**removed**]

I don't think it's OCD as such.. i'm not really sure what to call it but I know what you mean. I think you're looking at your age and thinking of the things you don't have.. and it's making you panic inside. Do you ever feel like you're trapped?

Whoa, in few words you have found a very good description of what I'm feeling.
Although I'm just now thinking in what I don't have. I think there is a component of obsession in me. Otherwise why to live the last 5 years worried about disease, career success, friendship, form a family, being alone, etc?.

Maybe this are just triggers for panic attacks and anxiety. But those thoughts come to my mind without even trying, in the middle of my sleep, etc. I do feel now (since I started to think about the future and what I didn't do in the past) that is the end of the world to me or that I'm trapped not knowing what to do to solve this and if I ever will solve it, although in my head there is always a voice of optimism, and therefore suicidal thoughts fade away easily. As long as I'm willing to change and look for help, I guess, there must be something I can do, doesn't it?

I'm really not sure what to classify this as, but you mention you had worries about disease, I think that could be some component of OCD.

I think if you are constantly thinking about these issues, even in your sleep then this is some kind of OCD and obcessive thought, but coupled with something obviously more deep rooted and extreme worry, because these are quite serious issues especially to you.

What you describe about yourself could more or less describe how I feel too, very much so. The only difference is in our age so our individual issues are slightly different. It gets difficult at points to have these issues in your head all the time, almost like your mind is a prison so you can't escape them. The only escape I have is, like you I have a little voice of optimism, and I feel things will somehow sort themselves out for the best.