is there a support forum?

[give_me_a_clue]

for people like me not suffering from SA but knows someone who is, I had never heard of it but he asked me to look it up so i might understand him better.
I've read lots of forum posts before i registered, and thought you a friendly bunch.
as a non sufferer i hope you don't mind me asking, any help would be appreciated
thanks x

 

[chris420]

You can find loads of info here: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com

There's a message board over there too, bit bigger than this one.

 

[give_me_a_clue]

thanks for that i had a look over there, i'm maybe not looking hard enough but i was looking for topics on how to talk to someone with such a negative outlook, without feeling washed out by it all.
I think it's such a shame that people try and hide this under the heading of "i'm shy". Shyness can be understood by 90% of the population because usually at least that amount feel it/have felt it. So yeah us without SA feel shy and say to those that say they are "shy" "oh i can relate to that", This is a different ball game and no one without SA has a crystal ball, seriously people aren't deliberately misunderstanding, how can you undertand something you don't know about. Couldn#t you give people half a chance to know about it?
When did being secretive help anyone

 

[DannieCleo]

first of all kudos to you for being the type of person your friend could confide in and double kudos to you for actually making the effort to find out more.

Its not really a case of us being "secretive" about it. its just a very difficult thing to announce, espescially as it is so little understood by non sufferers. I think labelling it as just being shyess normalizes it somehow, so that others won't think of us as uber weird, which is a part of the anxiety.

I can't speak for your friend because i don't know him. But on another forum i belong to (not this one) we all agree that if people just spoke to us and related to us in a normal fashion (ie the way they do with everyone else) we would be more able to open up and eventually be able to have a normal level of conversation. it just takes us a very long time to warm up to people, to trust them so we can be ourselves.

What we hate is people thinking they need to walk on eggshells or treat us with kid gloves. We also hate to be ignored by people who assume that just because we are quiet we have nothing of interest to say.

Since your friend has gone as far as to confide in you (which is a HUGE step, let me tell you!!) perhaps you should ask him what he specifically would like you to do/how he would like you to treat him. Because the suggestions i made just concern me and the people on that forum, he may be different.

Better yet, he may find it easier to communicate with you via an email or some kind of IM or PM (MSN AIM hell een facebook notes lol) as we often find it easier to fully express what we mean in writing. Speaking can leave us tongue tied, even though what we WANT to say is laid out perfectly in our heads.

I have been thinking lately of taking steps to try to speak to people more and have been worried about the reactions of colleagues who are used to me basically not being around. Its nice to know that there could actually be people out there who are interested in knowing more and want to help, as opposed to writing us off as weird or somehow stupid. But as yet i have yet to find that one colleague i can trust enough to confide in about my SA and AvPD!

i hope i have been of some help. keep us posted as to how you get on!!

 

[give_me_a_clue]

is there a support forum

thanks for the reply, i read the post you did earlier about trying in your classroom job to talk more and it reminded me of a girl i worked with, for 6 months or so she didn't speak much more than one word answers, i did the talking and thought she must have been fed up with me, in a lot of posts people think that the "others" are thinking negatively about them, i never thought anything, just that she was shy, yes other people didn't want to keep trying to get her to join in, they thought she wasn't interested,(and that is a very important point that she wasn't interested, not that she wasn't interesting) i just kept going and one day for what ever reason she had she just started talking to me, i thought good for you, you got to feeling more comfortable.
if you feel like giving it a go then you should, small steps if you have to.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I got a suggestion

Its alwayse strange when I see people who actualy want to learn more even tho they do not have anxiety. They are numerous books or even vids on youtube that you can use to getter a better feel for what our lives are like but in the end you need to make sure your friend is also meeting you half way. We do have a tendcy to push people away that try to get close to us.

 

[give_me_a_clue]

first of i want to thank everyone who replied i'm glad you wanted to help me.
reading this forum has been fantastic.
I'd also like to say that as i do not suffer from SA it doesn't mean i don't get anxious. I have learned techniques to control that fear, subconsciously or really making an effort to stop listening to my inner negative voice. I didn't learn those things because i was socially phobic, i learned them so that i would be or could be or might be a happier person. I have made myself aware of when i am being negative and "my way" is saying out loud alone or in company "oh i hate how i sound when i am being negative" the more i say it the more i find out that i do it a lot, the shock was how often i said it.....has my life changed did i win the lottery, have fast cars, win that guys heart...erm no, none of those things , only i just aint so negative, which was my aim. That was enough of a goal for me.
you might read all of the self help books in the world or just buy them and never read them but if you can make a small step then be proud of your step.
Believe me when i say it goes up and down, not 20% of the population or 50 or 60% but 100% of the population can understand that.
The saddest thing for me reading these posts has been people thinking only those with SA can understand, that the rest of us somehow could never get it.

a wee note about the last post, saying that you think people with SA push people away, well yes that happened to me, got pushed away just too often, broke my heart but it doesn't mean i don't want to understand.

i really wish all of you on your journey some peace from this, some respite, an internet hug xx