charlieHungerford
Well-known member
After another hours thinking about SA, I am wondering if the answer to overcoming SA is to make the current problem of fearing negative judgement no longer a problem.
Speaking purely for myself for how I suffer, my SA has been brought about by negative thinking patterns - bad experiences, negative feedback, negative self belief, negative self esteem, negative image of myself, negative beliefs of how people judge me, etc, etc, etc - negative thinking patterns has been the reasons I have so little confidence, why I am so self conscious, so little belief in myself, why I fear situations, etc, etc - which started from years of name calling, ridicule, insults, put downs, teasing, etc at high school and college. I am not sure how many people feel their problems are down to negative thinking patterns like mine.
It just strikes me that there is so much to try and correct in terms of changing negatives into positives in order to have confidence in myself, to have self belief, to gain self esteem, to believe I am good enough, to believe people are not thinking negatives of me, to not fearing situations incase of negative feedback, to not be self conscious, etc, etc.
Wouldn't it be quickest and most effective and efficient to work at not being afraid of negatives ever again? At the end of the day we are some what obsessed with negatives, we have placed so much importance on people judging, we are so sensitive to people judging us negatively, that its such a big deal if we don't do something perfect. Maybe we need to work on being able to handle rejection, negative feedback and to not give a toss about it. I mean if someone thinks negative of us then that is their right, but its one person's views, it does not mean its fact. We have to be ourselves and live life 100% as we want to, not 20% because we are living a life restricted because of worrying about how we will be received.
What does it matter? We think its such a big deal, but is it really? We have all heard other people being judged negatively, whether its personality, looks, intelligence, way they sound, etc, etc, infact almost everyone has received negative feedback, but does it really matter? Come half an hour afterwards people are thinking of different things, what one says about someone does not mean everyone else thinks it. For instance at work I pointed out to my friend this girl I really fancy, I like her for many reasons, and my friend said she was a minger (an ugly person). His opinion doesn't change the way I think of her. So if people say negative things of yourself, its one people's opinions, and so what if someone doesn't like us, it doesn't really matter, we are not in danger or anything. There are billions of people on this earth, not everyone is going to like us.
I just think maybe the reason to overcome this is to learn to not be sensitive to be judged negatively. i.e. if we know we are a good person and we try our best to be nice to people, try our best to look our best, then that is the very best we can do. We are unique and if our best is not good enough for someone then they can do one. We can do no more than our best so why worry?
If we went into situations or around people and did not fear what they think of us because all that is important is that we are who we are - we know we are a good person, negatives mean nothing because they don't mean anything at the end of the day, we do not care what they think of us because we are who we are and how we are so they can like it or lump it, etc - then we would not have negative thoughts, we would not doubt ourselves, we would not feel self conscious, we would not be worried how people are judging us, and therefore SA would not exist.
It may take some work but surely its possible to get to a point where we do not care, because surely loads of people do not care what people think of them. It just requires looking at negatives in a very different way.
What do you think?
Speaking purely for myself for how I suffer, my SA has been brought about by negative thinking patterns - bad experiences, negative feedback, negative self belief, negative self esteem, negative image of myself, negative beliefs of how people judge me, etc, etc, etc - negative thinking patterns has been the reasons I have so little confidence, why I am so self conscious, so little belief in myself, why I fear situations, etc, etc - which started from years of name calling, ridicule, insults, put downs, teasing, etc at high school and college. I am not sure how many people feel their problems are down to negative thinking patterns like mine.
It just strikes me that there is so much to try and correct in terms of changing negatives into positives in order to have confidence in myself, to have self belief, to gain self esteem, to believe I am good enough, to believe people are not thinking negatives of me, to not fearing situations incase of negative feedback, to not be self conscious, etc, etc.
Wouldn't it be quickest and most effective and efficient to work at not being afraid of negatives ever again? At the end of the day we are some what obsessed with negatives, we have placed so much importance on people judging, we are so sensitive to people judging us negatively, that its such a big deal if we don't do something perfect. Maybe we need to work on being able to handle rejection, negative feedback and to not give a toss about it. I mean if someone thinks negative of us then that is their right, but its one person's views, it does not mean its fact. We have to be ourselves and live life 100% as we want to, not 20% because we are living a life restricted because of worrying about how we will be received.
What does it matter? We think its such a big deal, but is it really? We have all heard other people being judged negatively, whether its personality, looks, intelligence, way they sound, etc, etc, infact almost everyone has received negative feedback, but does it really matter? Come half an hour afterwards people are thinking of different things, what one says about someone does not mean everyone else thinks it. For instance at work I pointed out to my friend this girl I really fancy, I like her for many reasons, and my friend said she was a minger (an ugly person). His opinion doesn't change the way I think of her. So if people say negative things of yourself, its one people's opinions, and so what if someone doesn't like us, it doesn't really matter, we are not in danger or anything. There are billions of people on this earth, not everyone is going to like us.
I just think maybe the reason to overcome this is to learn to not be sensitive to be judged negatively. i.e. if we know we are a good person and we try our best to be nice to people, try our best to look our best, then that is the very best we can do. We are unique and if our best is not good enough for someone then they can do one. We can do no more than our best so why worry?
If we went into situations or around people and did not fear what they think of us because all that is important is that we are who we are - we know we are a good person, negatives mean nothing because they don't mean anything at the end of the day, we do not care what they think of us because we are who we are and how we are so they can like it or lump it, etc - then we would not have negative thoughts, we would not doubt ourselves, we would not feel self conscious, we would not be worried how people are judging us, and therefore SA would not exist.
It may take some work but surely its possible to get to a point where we do not care, because surely loads of people do not care what people think of them. It just requires looking at negatives in a very different way.
What do you think?
