bht96
New member
I have been dealing with severe social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I got through college and my first job the best I could. I dropped classes that had oral report requirements or appeared that there would be a lot of social interaction involved. My last job was temporary and lasted only a year but I was able to hole myself up in a cubicle most of the time. I had been battling a severe addiction to alcohol and I sought treatment a year and a half ago for SA. I was prescribed several SSRIs which did not do a thing plus the benzodiazipines Xanax and Klonopin. I continued to drink but I started to mix the benzos with the alcohol and it led to blackouts where I became violent and would fall. I would wake up in the morning with bruises that I didn't know how they even got there. I even broke my wrist which led to surgery during one of my blackouts. Anyway, it got so bad that I was forcefully put in an inpatient treatment center for my alcohol abuse. I know that I sound like an idiot for continuing to harm myself in the past but substance abuse was the only way to ease the pain, the loneliness, and the shame that comes with my SA. Now, I have been clean for almost a year but I no longer have the luxury of having those few precious hours of happiness and confidence that alcohol gave me. Anyway, I have been looking for a job for some time and I finally got hired in a collections call center. I only lasted for three days. The training classes involved almost constant interaction and it was in a classroom setting which I hate. The pain that I had to endure for 8 straight hours a day threw my brain into a tailspin. On the third night I could not sleep at all because my brain just kept thinking about what I should have said or should have done. And it kept thinking about bad things that might happen the next day and that all my co-workers think I am quiet or weird. It would not just shut up and relax. Well, I didn't sleep the next night either and had a mini nervous breakdown. That's when I knew I just could not work at that job. I am now in the process of looking for therapy. I have been to several psychiatrists in the past and I was prescribed almost every SSRI you can name with no success. In fact they tended to make the irrational thoughts increase. I've been prescribed three types of benzos. They only helped marginally but only to calm down after a social event. They did nothing to calm me down during one. I've been prescribed several different mood stabilizers. Again, they did nothing to help calm me down during social events. Is there anyone who has any suggestions about therapy such as CBT, NLP, etc. or about medications that helped. I've been reading up a little bit on MAOI's such as Nardil or Parnate but the side effects scare me. I really want to break through this disorder and live a productive life and not just be a burden on my loved ones. I am just very fearful that another 10 years will go by and my youth will be gone and I will come to the realization that my life has been wasted. There is so much that I want to do and can offer this world but I can't move because I have this tremendous weight of SA tied to me. Please help. Thank you.
