Is it necessary to accept yourself?

[thequietone]

My therapist is identifying my main problem as not accepting myself. I don't see how I can, as I am not perfect (OCD? Yea, a "little" :lol: ) I wonder does everyone else in the world who is healthy accept and love themselves? It seems impossible to me. I don't understand how someone could love the bad things about themselves. Is that why they are able to allow other people to accept them and I cannot?
That's the reason I avoid people and relationships. Because I know that when I let my guard down they will see something they don't like. Do I really have to accept myself?? I don't want to, really, I don't think it's possible. Do other people accept themselves? I don't get it. Jung says we must accept all aspects of ourselves, the good, the socially acceptable, as well as the evil shadow part of our minds.
What do you guys think and what are your thoughts on the matter?

 

[romeno82]

why cant you? are you such an ugly monster? yeah i know in our condition we feel like monsters. maybe we are monsters. and so what. hi my name is monster...

and what if you would accept the bad things about you and therefore allow to let go this bad aspect of yourself?

for me, i dont like the word acceptance. i dont like it cos acceptance would mean something unchangeable. i use the word allowance and legitimate. by allowing and legitimating the weak in you, you allow yourself to become strong.

thats the paradox: to become strong you have to be what you are now. if you are weak you have to allow and legitimate the weaknes. so the weaknes can be overcome. (i know sounds new-age but in my expirience i can say its true).

 

[Alexp]

Hi thequietone,

Acceptance is important (or atleast allowance), but its simplified in my opinion to just accept yourself. Like, for example, what is it that we are truly afraid of? Some people refuse to deal with what they consider bad about themselves in an effort to keep a more stable picture of themselves. Acceptance is using sadness to let go of something you don’t like about yourself, but it can also shift your perception of yourself lower. Internally our minds know that as well, that’s why its difficult to face certain things, because we know in the end if we cant change it we have to accept it with sadness or even depression (some fear that) and if its something we deem bad, our perception of ourselves will shift lower with it (some fear that).

But it doesnt have to even be that way - when we face it, we can either change it and if we cant change it, then we have to realize that its not a bad thing – it’s a part of who we are which is not necessarily good nor bad, its just who we are.

I believe it is important to face that which don’t like about ourselves. If we don’t face certain things about ourselves, then its my belief that it can cause side effects like overwhelmed emotions, perceived stalking demons and possibly panic attacks.

On that point though, blatent acceptance of everything bad is not really helpful either. If you accept you are stupid, worthless, etc..it wont help, it will just push you lower and possibly into depression.

Face what it is that you are afraid of..see if you cant change it (if you really think its bad) and if you cant honestly change it...then stop seeing it as a bad, evil thing, and see it as just a part of who you are. You have to allow for some imperfection and differences within you.

 

[thequietone]

Thanks for the responses guys...Acceptance sounds easy on the surface, but it really isn't!

Also, I like what you said here, romeno

for me, i dont like the word acceptance. i dont like it cos acceptance would mean something unchangeable. i use the word allowance and legitimate. by allowing and legitimating the weak in you, you allow yourself to become strong.

The word acceptance bothers me too. I'm going to think of it as allowance. That's good advice.

 

[Quixote]

I don't understand how someone could love the bad things about themselves. Is that why they are able to allow other people to accept them and I cannot?
That's the reason I avoid people and relationships. Because I know that when I let my guard down they will see something they don't like.

I think it's not so much about "loving the bad things about one's self" but loving oneself despite the bad things. If you avoid people it's probably because you cannot tolerate their (supposed) judgement on your weaknesses, and feel compelled instead to play a part, and project an untrue image of yourself. I think what your therapist meant was that you should learn to avoid that instinct, and not be afraid to show your true self.

Now, I'm not completely sure your therapist is right in suggesting that (perhaps acting confident can help becoming such?)... but that's what she probably meant

 

[Brad38]

You have to accept yourself and love yourself. But you dont have to accept the situation that you are in. Being continuously alone is simply punishing yourself for no reason.Realize that you are a worthy person and that you deserve love like anyone else. You first though have to change your perception of yourself, and then you will want to reach out for others.

And I dont think that means facing and accepting the bad things.For instance like the other poster said. If a guy accepted that he was worthless and stupid, he`d comit suicide. Likewise, I realize that I am 5`4 with a delicate build, which is not changeable. Im fairly weak in the strength department. I am aware of it, but I dont accept it as defining me. Instead I focus on the postive qualities I have to offer.
Im not sure focusing on the negative works in therapy. Instead find things that are complimentary about you